The Rose of the Alienage
by Violet Theirin
Summary: Eight years have passed since the blight was ended by Eruthiawen Tabris. A drunken and bitter Alistair returns to Ferelden to find that he left behind more than he could have ever imagined. Alistair/Tabris; Tabris/Zevran; Zevran/Rinna
1. Homecoming

_A/N: I own nothing other than the first name of my character and her daughter. I am lovingly borrowing everything else from David Gaider and the lovely people of Bioware who chose to share such a wonderful storyline with myself and the world. This is my first attempt at fan-fic and it has been many many moons since I have written. Reviews are greatly appreciated as I fear there is much I have forgotten over the years. Enjoy!!_

"Oh Ferelden, it has been entirely too long…or not long enough, I haven't quite decided." Mused the drunken redhead as he stumbled off of the ship. It had been eight years since the blight was ended and Eruthiawen Tabris declared the "Hero of Fereldend". Alistair should have been there beside her, had she not betrayed him. "Damn her anyway." He thought as he took a large knock off of the flask he was carrying. "Why should I flee my homeland because of some woman? Ferelden is a large enough place, chances are I will never see her."

They say that time heals all wounds, but that is not necessarily true. As far as wounds go, Alistair was fatal. He had never loved a woman in his life and when he did finally find "the one" whom he could give himself to in every sense of the word, she betrayed him for the man that killed the leader of Ferelden's Grey Wardens and the nearest thing he had to a father, Duncan. She showed mercy to Loghain when he could show not even a scrap of it towards King Cailan, the king's army, Duncan, or for any of the Grey Wardens. Had Loghain had his way both Alistair and Eruthiawen would be dead as well, either at the top of the Tower of Ishal or at the hands of the Antivan Crows. Yet when it had come his time to pay she granted him the mercy he never could have even defined. She not only allowed him to live, but to fight for the same order that he had attempted to completely put asunder. And then if that wasn't enough, she allowed for Loghain's pit viper of a daughter, Anora to take the throne and then to exile him. "Well at least she insisted I not be executed…how generous of her."

Time had certainly not changed Denerim much. The docks were still quite dodgy, with mercenaries and sailors walking about. The Pearl still stood with it's vast array of ladies and gentlemen of the evening waiting to greet their next clients. And though he hadn't noticed it before, Alistair's nose began to pick up on the scent of wet dogs and garbage. "I suppose after being gone for so long I got used to other smells." He thought. Alistair decided that Orlais definitely smelled better than Ferelden, but he much preferred the soggy pup scent of his homeland to the leathery smell of Antiva. "The damn assassin can keep his grand Antiva City" he thought to himself "I never did see what was so wonderful about it".

As Alistair left the docks he began to cross over into the Alienage. This was one part of Denerim that did indeed seem to have gotten better with time. The small squalled huts that the elves had once lived in had been transformed into nice quaint cottages and apartments. The once muddy and dirty streets were now paved. There was a nice new school standing where the old haunted orphanage had once been. There were children laughing and playing, running around the grand tree that stood in the middle of the square. Alistair decided to sit down on a nearby bench to rest. Nearly a week at sea with nothing more in his stomach than some dodgy fish chowder, moldy cheese and some rotgut did nothing for his stamina. Perhaps he would head back to The Pearl, find a bed to sleep in and possibly some companionship for the night.

As Alistair sat and watched the children there was one little girl that particularly caught his attention. She was quite short, like the other elven children but did not have the pointy ears that all of the other children did. It was obvious that she was the odd one out amongst the youngsters. As he watched another little girl came up and snatched something out of her hand. "Give it back!" the little girl screamed. As she began to cry, reaching for this prized possession Alistair could take no more "Poor thing." He thought as he stood to help.

Alistair walked over to the two girls. "What seems to be the problem here ladies?" he asked as the girls jumped back in shock. "She stole something that belongs to me and she will not give it back." She exclaimed as the tears poured down her face.

"Why don't you be nice and just give her back her possession" Alistair said to the other girl, whom he noticed stood a good two inches shorter than the child she was picking on.

"Oh fine, take it you stupid half breed." She retorted as she shoved what looked to be a necklace into the little girls hand. She then ran off after a small group of children that had been cheering her on.

The little girl quickly tried to compose herself as she attempted to get the necklace on her neck. "Here, let me help you with that." Alistair said.

"Thank you sir." Said the little girl as she handed him a small chain with what looked to be a rose petal charm on the end of it. "You've no idea what this means to me. This is all that I have of my father and nearly all that I have left of my mother." She said. Alistair finished clasping the chain and turned the young girl by the shoulders to look at him.

"I couldn't just stand by and let them pick on you." He said. It was then that Alistair really got to look at the little girl. As he noticed she was quite petite, but with remarkably broad shoulders. She had very light strawberry blonde hair and rounded human ears. After hearing the other girl call her a half breed he realized she must have had one human and one elven parent as those children always get the human ears. It was her eyes though that caught Alistair's attention. They were the deepest emerald green, a color he had only ever seen one other time in his life…..Eruthiawen….

"You said that your necklace was all that you had of your father, what happened to him?" asked Alistair.

"Daddy was a soldier and died protecting us from the blight." Said the little girl.

"And your mother?" he questioned.

"Mamae is gone…she died a few months ago." Replied the little girl "Auntie Leili said that it was a broken heart that killed her, whatever that means. I don't remember Mamae ever feeling well." She said "But Uncle Zev said that she was once very brave and fought alongside my daddy."

Alistair was taken back. "Uncle Zev, Auntie Leili? Surely it couldn't be." He thought to himself. It was then that he realized, the pendant that she wore was indeed a rose petal, or it had been. It appeared to have been cast in some sort of bronze but he recognized it…it was his rose, the one that he gave to Eruthiawen when he began to have feelings for her. He clasped his hand over his mouth as he looked down at the little girl.

"Thank you so much for helping me." She said "I need to get home before Auntie begins to worry."

"What is your name, if I may ask?" asked a dumbfounded Alistair

"My name is Rose." replied the little girl. "What is your name?"

"Call me Al." he said

"It was a pleasure meeting your Al." she said "I won't forget you!"

"The pleasure was all mine." He said as he poured the remaining contents of his flask onto the ground.

Alistair watched little Rose run off, down the street and around the corner. "I have a daughter." He thought to himself as he felt tears nearing the surface of his eyes. For the first time in eight years Alistair allowed himself to feel something other than anger, as he dropped the flask and headed in the direction that Rose had left in.

It then came to his attention what Rose had said…her Mamae was gone too, dead from a broken heart. "Oh Ruthi, what have I done?" he said out loud. "By the Maker what have I done!" he shouted as he began to run down the street toward where he saw Rose turn the corner.

"I have to find her." He thought, "I have to know for sure what happened."


	2. Fancy Meeting You Here

_A/N: Hello everyone! I must apologize first and foremost for the delay in this second chapter. I had a flash drive decide to die and my idiot self didn't save my story anywhere else BUT on said flash drive so there went three chapters that I had worked extremely hard on. Okay, now that my own personal pity party is over I must thank all of you that have taken the time to read my story and add me to your favorite story and author alerts. The response to the first chapter has been more than I ever thought would be possible for my first attempt at fan fiction and it makes me so happy that you all seem to be enjoying it. I also must thank my two reviewers, Bdub and Erynnar. You guys are awesome. And lastly a special shout out to Erynnar who helped to give me the courage to actually put my story out there and truly inspired me to start writing it in the first place. You are AWESOME. And if any of you would like a great read, check out her story "Soulmates". It is one of the best that I have ever read! With that I will leave you to the second chapter. I have already started re-writing the third chapter so it should be up within the next day or so. Feedback makes my world go round and is really helpful so let me know what you think! Thanks so much for reading, and Enjoy!!_

Alistair continued to follow Rose, trying to stay close enough to see when she turned a corner but far enough away so as to not alert her to the fact that he was there. Stealth was an interesting proposition as Alistair was coming off of an eight year stupor. He was never entirely stealthy to begin with. Years of clunking around with a big shield and sword all the while wearing heavy plate armor made sure of that. Now, even though the armor and weaponry was gone, he had hazy eyes and an extra 20 pounds of stomach to blame for his clumsiness.

"At least I don't need to worry about someone recognizing me." He thought to himself.

How could they? After all, the man who once stood so proud, so clean shaven and pure was now but a faint memory of his former self. His once neatly kept hair was now long, shaggy, and nearly black from the dirt and sweat built up in it. His face, once young and clean was now dirty and looked old beyond its years. There was a long dirty beard where there had once been only the slightest hint of stubble, and was stained with months of dirt, sweat and ale.

As Alistair followed Rose, he began to recognize some of the elves along the Alienage streets. Some of them he even helped rescue from the slave traders just before the Landsmeet. Thinking back on this only made him grow angry.

"How could she have betrayed me for someone who allowed her own people to be enslaved." He fumed.

Alistair didn't have long to reflect on it because just then he slammed headlong into someone, crashing down and landing right on top of them.

"Maker, I'm sorry." He said as he struggled to regain his footing and pull himself from atop the woman. "I was lost in thought and not paying attention to where I was going." He reached out a hand toward the woman who had already managed to get herself up and brushed off.

"Don't apologize to the Maker!" she spat. "Twas not him that you nearly crushed to death; And just the idea that you had even the smallest thought pass through your puny skull has me completely perplexed."

"Morrigan?" Alistair rubbed his eyes.

"Ah, so you remember me do you?" she glared. "Funny how well you can remember someone whom you hated with every fiber of your being, but could all but forget the woman you supposedly loved with all of your heart."

"You have no idea why I did the things that I did." He bellowed. "It was not me that betrayed her, she's the one who…"

"Yes, yes, yes, she's the one that betrayed you." She rolled her eyes. "So it shall be this whole song and dance again, shall it? The poor little Templar, had his feelings hurt by that mean and nasty little elf." "Do I have the lyrics right, or has time fogged my memory?" she questioned as she stepped closer to him. "Now riddle me this you fool, why have you come back if she all but tore out your heart?"

"I wanted to return to my home." He lamented "I have been gone away for far too long and I didn't see the sense in allowing one woman to keep me from all that I once knew."

"Ah yes, but why here? Why Denerim? Why the very Alienage where she grew up and where her family still resides?" she interrogated. "Surely, if she hurt you so, this would be the last place you would decide to run to."

"I was merely passing through when I ran into the most interesting person" he said. "Why was I not told that I have a daughter?"

Morrigan was taken aback by this. She took two steps back from him and tried to gather her composure.

"What on earth are you talking about? What daughter?" She asked, all the while trying to hide the shock in her eyes.

"Don't try to play your little games with me Morrigan." He fumed. "I met Rose today, I know she is mine. Now tell me, why did I not know about her sooner?"

"First tell me my dear friend, where were we supposed to locate you?" Came another familiar voice from behind him. "Seems quite unreasonable to send letters to every tavern on Thedas to tell you that you had a child with a woman you cared nothing about. No?"

"Ah, and now the assassin joins in." he spat. "Tell me Zevran, how long after I left did it take you to bed her?" "We all know you were just biding your time, waiting for me to be out of the picture to pounce."

With that Alistair was knocked back as Zevran's fist met forcefully with Alistair's jaw.

"I suggest you stop while you are ahead my dear templar, there are many things that you know nothing of." Zevran seethed. "And from the smell of you, you are in no frame of mind to hear any of it." "Go, get yourself a room for the night and sober up. If you truly wish to speak civilly we can do so at that time. If all that you wish to do is throw accusations toward the person who has spent the last eight years picking up the pieces of the life that you broke, I suggest you go somewhere else to do it. That is unless you wish for me to end this right here?" Zevran pulled a dagger from his boot. "I can kill you much faster than the liquor that you have grown so fond of."

"Fine, I will speak to you tomorrow" Alistair stated as he tried to regain his composure. "Meet me at The Pearl at noon, but I will be expecting some answers."

"Si, answers I can provide in abundance." He said as he put the dagger back into his boot. "I can only hope, dear Alistair that you realize that they won't all be what you want to hear."

"Just be there." Alistair glared back at Zevran and Morrigan, who he noticed had grown surprisingly quiet upon the assassin's arrival.

"So what is it that you plan on telling the fool?" She asked as Alistair stomped away.

"Honesty is always the best policy. No?" he ran a hand through his hair. "No matter how painful the truth may be."


	3. Idiots and Children

_As always Bioware owns everything, I own nothing but Eruthiawen and Rose's names. Just lovingly borrowing the rest!_

_A/N: Wow, thank you everyone who wrote reviews of my story and added me to your favorites lists. This reaction is more than I ever could have hoped for! Thanks again to Erynnar for her kind words and shout outs, you are AWESOME!! Also a big thanks to my reviewers; Bdub, serenbach, Misame, and Erynnar...you guys rock!! Keep the reviews coming and if you have any ideas or pointers feel free to send them along. I love feedback! Here is the third chapter. This one was a sad one to write and it went through several revisions but I hope the end product turned out good! Enjoy!_

_**~Love One Another~**_

_**

* * *

  
**_

The chiming of the bells at noon the next day found Alistair all but running through the halls of The Pearl. He had sobered up quite a bit, he washed and shaved and even had one of the resident "ladies" give him a haircut. He was still a far cry from the handsome young man he used to be but glimmers of the old Alistair were definitely able to be seen. As he made his way into the tavern part of The Pearl he was completely expecting to see Zevran sitting at the table with his smug little smile about his face, or even Morrigan brooding away in a corner. Much to his surprise (and relief) the face looking back at him was that of Leiliana. While Alistair was sure that she was not any happier with him than Morrigan or Zevran were, she always had a pleasant air about her, and he often thought that had it not been for his feelings for Ruthi, he could have easily developed feelings for the former bard.

"Good afternoon Alistair." She said as she stood to greet him with a hug. "I hope that today finds you well."

"Hello Leiliana, not to sound unhappy to see you but where is Zevran…Morrigan? I was expecting a bit harsher of a greeting." Alistair looked around. "He isn't lying in wait somewhere is he? I never could see him when he didn't want to be seen." His eyes darted around the room." "Or is Morrigan getting ready to toad me?"

"Zevran will be along shortly, and Morrigan, it was decided would do best staying back at the house with the children." Stated Leiliana

"Children?" He asked. "Besides Rose, what children are there to attend to?"

"I guess I truly had forgotten just how long you haven been gone." Leiliana reflected. "Well there is Slade and he is six. He is Oghren and Felsi's. We don't see much of him since Oghren joined the Grey Wardens."

"Oghren joined the Grey Wardens?" Alistair looked puzzled

"Yes, he decided that family life was not for him so he left. Ruthi convinced him that even though he wasn't the type to settle down, he still needed to be a part of Slade's life so he writes to him frequently and stops to visit on occasion." She said

"It's hard to imagine. Oghren, as a Warden?" Alistair puzzled as he waved the bar maid down and asked for a glass of water.

"Morrigan got married about two years ago to another apostate mage named Anders." Leiliana smiled. "It is quite funny actually, with as much as you and Morrigan never got along that she would marry someone who is so much like you."

"Like me?" Alistair questioned

"Oh yes. Anders and yourself are like a templar and apostate cut from the same cloth. Sarcastic, yet charming as the day is long. Plus, he too is a Warden" Leiliana giggled. "They have a son named Drake and he is a year old."

Alistair just shook his head.

"Soon after the Blight was ended I fell in love with Ruthi's cousin, Soris. You remember him, don't you?" She asked.

"Yes, I believe I do." He said thoughtfully. "He's the one that helped free Ruthi from Vaughn's estate."

"Yes, that Soris." She smiled. "Well we were wed and have 3 wonderful children. Cecile is six, Cyrion is four, and Shianni is almost one."

"Then there is of course Rose, she is the oldest of all of the children." She said as she adjusted herself in her chair. "Then there is her brother Nelaros Duncan."

"Brother? Brother by whom?" Alistair asked

This question made Leiliana squirm in her chair "Umm…."

"He is my son if you must know." Came a voice from behind.

"You…" Alistair stood, anger pouring from his eyes. "I knew it, I knew you pounced the first chance you got."

In the blink of an eye Zevran had Alistair by the collar of his shirt, fist pulled back and ready to strike.

"Zevran!" Leiliana screamed as she grabbed the elf and pulled him off of Alistair. "This is exactly why I said that I would talk to him and would come and get you when everything had been explained!"

"What, Leiliana is there to explain!?" Alistair spat "All he ever wanted was to bed Ruthi, ever since she forgave him for TRYING TO KILL HER."

"What concern is it of yours Alistair? You are the one who tore her heart out and wished her dead, are you not?" seethed Zevran

"Andraste's flaming sword; both of you stop!" screamed Leiliana.

By this time quite the crowd had grown around the little corner table. Sanga the proprietor of the Pearl then walked up.

"You know I'll have none of this nonsense in my tavern!" she stated with a firm hand on her hip. "Now will you be takin' this little fight elsewhere on your own, or do I need to have Biff show you the way out?" she motioned to the bouncer near the door.

"I'm sorry Sanga, we'll be going." Leiliana apologized as she pulled both Zevran and Alistair by the collar. "Here's a sovereign for the trouble." She let go of Zevran long enough to drop the gold on the table and grabbed him again quickly.

"By The Maker, dealing with the both of you is like dealing with a couple of mabari pups!" Exclaimed Leiliana as she shoved them out the door.

Once outside and around the corner, Leiliana released her hold on the two men but placed herself abruptly between the two of them.

"Zevran, you go back to my house and wait for me there. Tell Soris I will be along shortly." She snapped "And Alistair, you are coming with me. You are going to hear the whole truth before you start throwing accusations around!"

Once Zevran was out of sight she looked Alistair in the eyes. "I have been nothing but kind and patient towards you since you walked up to the table today Alistair. It took every ounce of self control that I possessed to not run you through on the spot after what you did to Ruthi."

"What about what she di….." Alistair began

"Will you stop with your crying about how she hurt you? Can you not see there is more to this than just you and your bruised ego?" She asked as the last of her patience vanished. "What about Ruthi? She was never the same after you left. You broke her heart in two over a man who wasn't worth the breath that it took to say his name."

"Then why did she chose him over me?" he yelled. "Why did she let him live and allow his daughter to have me exiled? She knew what he did, she knew he allowed my brother die, he allowed Duncan to die, he allowed all of those Wardens and soldiers to die. And when it came his time she allowed him to live."

"Here, these are letters that Ruthi wrote, from the time that you left up until about a week before she died. She asked that I give them to you if I ever saw you again." Leiliana shoved a small box into Alistair's chest. "I truly don't think you deserve to set eyes upon them but there you are."

Alistair took the box and ran his fingers over the lid.

"What about Zevran?" he asked softly. "If she was so in love with me and so broken up over me leaving, why do they have a son together?"

"Ruthi never loved Zevran, not like she loved you." Leiliana said as she sat down on a bench along the docks. "When she found out she was with child, Ruthi was scared…Zevran was there for her. When she worried herself night and day over how she was going to take care of a child all on her own Zevran married her. He raised your child as if she was his own, he took care of the woman you loved, knowing that there was never a chance of her having the same feelings for him. He listened to the woman that he loved as she died with another man's name on her lips."

"If she didn't truly love him, why do they have a child together?" Alistair questioned

"Because Ruthi told me that after all that Zevran gave her, the least she could give him was a son and a piece of herself." She looked into his eyes "And even then, instead of giving him a name that meant something to him, he named his son after Ruthi's murdered fiancé and the name of your mentor. When I asked him why he did so much he told me that "He would rather play second lyre than not play with the minstrels at all." Now if we are talking about fairness…who do you now believe truly got the short end of the stick."

Tears in his eyes, Alistair was finally speechless.

"Now, it seems you have some reading to do." Leiliana tapped the box with her finger. "Then, if you wish to speak some more you can find me at the Chantry. During the day I work with the orphans and widows of The Blight."

Alistair clutched the box and walked back toward The Pearl.


	4. The Scars That Love Can Leave

_A/N: As always I own nothing besides a few names...Bioware owns everything else and as always I send a big thank you to them. I have to first off send out a huge apology to all of my loyal readers. I know it has taken a long time for me to get this chapter up and I thank you from the bottom of my heart for sticking with me. I had a bunch occurring in my family and even though I am 1300 miles away from everyone involved I still somehow managed to end up in the thick of it. I tried to write during this time period but my emotional state was not conducive to writing anything worth reading. In fact one attempt had our beloved templar losing his marbles and as a result our beloved assassin lost his head, and nobody wants that. So here it is folks, chapter four. I'm still not entirely sure about it but decided to take the plunge and get it up here and let you all decide how I did....I tend to be a bit hard on myself. I love to hear back from all of you so if you have any comments, ideas, or ANYTHING please let me know! I will do my very best to keep the story updated from here on out._

_P.S. Another apology for anyone who read this within the first 10 minutes that it was published on here. My head apparently worked it's way into my nether regions and I left my storyline notes/ideas at the bottom of the story which I'm sure was quite confusing. Once again I am SO sorry....and quite embarrassed....Maker, it's been a long couple of weeks._

_**~Love One Another~

* * *

**_

After the meeting with Alistair, Leiliana made her way home to the farmstead that she shared with her husband Soris and their ever growing family which sat just outside of the city. Their home was not fancy, but was quite large. Of course it had to be big to be able to accommodate the multitude of "Aunties", "Uncles", and "Cousins" that could show up on any given day. In the front of the house was a long stone walkway leading up to the front door. The scent of Andraste's Grace hung in the air, emanating from the garden that ran along the entire back side of the property. All of the stress that Leiliana had been carrying since her meeting with Alistair lifted from her as she inhaled the sweet aroma of her favorite flowers.

"Soris, I'm home!" She sang as she walked through the front door which led into a spacious sitting room. "Who missed me?"

"By the maker, I thought you got lost." Sighed an obviously exhausted Soris as he walked into the room. He carried baby Shianni on his hip as Cyrion clung to his leg.

Leiliana glanced around the room in absolute awe of the complete chaos. Anders, looking equally as frazzled as Soris was working frantically to calm Nelaros who was screaming at the top of his lungs, holding his forearm protectively against his chest. Nearby little Drake sat on the floor giggling as Morrigan scolded him for biting Nelaros. Just behind Morrigan, Rose and Cecile had each other by the hair. Both of the girls were screaming, but neither one of them would give up and let go. On the other side of the room Slade sat by himself in a corner with his arms crossed as Felsi scrubbed away at a puddle of Maker knows what that her son had apparently spilled on the floor.

"Enough!" The normally soft-spoken woman yelled at the top of her lungs, but still the chaos ensued. She began to feel all of the stress and frustration that she had pushed off of her back not five minutes ago begin to pile itself onto her shoulders once again. Frustrated and without so much as a scrap of patience remaining within her Leiliana stepped up on a nearby chair and put two finger tips into her mouth. Soris immediately put a hand over one of Shianni's ears, laying her other ear up against his chest as Leiliana produced an agonizingly loud, high pitched whistle, reminiscent of the sound made by an attacking Shriek. The house finally fell silent as everyone in it froze in place, seemingly afraid to even move.

Without a word Leiliana walked over to Rose and Cecile and untangled their fingers from each others hair. Each girl was handed a book and sent to separate corners of the room until they had time to let their tempers cool. Another book was handed to Slade as Leiliana assisted Felsi in cleaning the remains of what she could now tell was molasses off of the floor. Morrigan took Shianni from Soris who was working to unwind Cyrion's arms from around his legs. With Drake by the hand and Shianni on her hip Morrigan headed toward the nursery to lay them down for a nap. Anders was then finally able to convince a still shaken Nelaros to show him his arm. With a wave of his hand the large bite mark faded and a look of relief overtook the toddlers face. Anders then took the boy to join Shianni and Drake in the nursery.

After all was said and done Slade, Cyrion, Celine, and Rose were sent outside to play as the younger children took their naps. Felsi thanked Leiliana for her help in cleaning the mess on the floor as she took her leave to change out of her sticky clothes and to wash up. Leiliana, Soris and Morrigan slumped down into the cozy chairs in the sitting room as Anders went into the kitchen to make some tea.

"Well that's two battles I've had to thrust myself into today." Leiliana remarked as Anders walked into the room carrying a tray of tea and a large plate of cookies. "I must say I would rather take on a whole house full of children than have to deal with two grown men who insist upon acting like them."

"I assume you are referring to Zevran and Alistair?" remarked Morrigan from behind her teacup "So tell me, what got under the pathetic sot's skin today?"

"In all honesty, the meeting was going better than I had hoped to begin with." Leiliana reflected. "He had cleaned himself up, at least that was my perception after the way that Zevran and yourself described him the night before. His hair was clean and cut and his face was clean shaven. We exchanged pleasantries and he showed what I took to be a genuine interest in what we all have been doing for the past eight years."

"So what started the fight?" asked Soris as he set his teacup on the table and grabbed a cookie from the plate.

Leiliana sighed and glanced toward the nursery. "Well, let's just say that Nelaros' parentage came into question."

"You can't tell me that he got upset about it?" replied a shocked Anders. "It was my understanding that he made it quite clear that he wanted nothing to do with Ruthi and had opted instead to go on an eight year bender, drinking his way across Thedas."

"The thing that Alistair failed to realize is that the kind of love that he shared with Eruthiawen cannot simply be ended and forgotten." Leiliana said thoughtfully. "The feelings that they shared leave scars upon the heart, and though you can do your best to cover them up and pretend they do not exist, there will always be something or someone that will cause them to make their presence known. For Alistair, it was the thought of Ruthi moving on and loving another man that compelled his heart to betray him."

"So how did Zevran come into play in all of this?" Soris questioned. "I was under the impression that he had agreed to wait for you to break the ice before joining you."

Leiliana shook her head. "That indeed was the plan, however I was apparently the only one to remember it, for as soon as Nelaros was brought into question Zevran appeared out of nowhere to inform Alistair that he was his son."

"And I'm sure Alistair took this bit of news with the poise and constraint of a rabid Mabari?" Anders joked as he too took a cookie from the tray.

"Comparing the fool to a mabari would be giving his intellect far too much credit my love." Morrigan stared at the ceiling as if trying to recover a long lost memory from within the rafters. "When Alistair feels that he has been treated unfairly, 'tis a berserking Hurlock that he more closely resembles; mindlessly swinging at the air until something connects."

"Ah, so just your average templar then is he?" laughed Anders as he poured another cup of tea. "Their sense of reason is as clear as a stagnant mud puddle."

"There was so much rage in his eyes." Leiliana reflected as she relaxed back in her chair. "It was as if Alistair had completely vanished in the blink of an eye only to be replaced with a broken down, angry shell of a man seething venom from every pore." Leiliana paused and seemingly became lost in thought.

"Well?" prodded Soris "What happened?"

"Before I could even process what was going on before my own eyes Zevran had Alistair by the collar with his fist pulled back." Leiliana sighed. "Thank the Maker for giving me the gift of agility for if he had not, Alistair's face would be nothing more than an enormous contusion. I got hold of the both of them by their shirts and dragged them out of the Pearl, all the while apologizing to Sanga who at that point was ready to have us all strung up for causing such a scene in her establishment."

Leiliana sat up and began to pour herself another cup of tea. "Once we were outside I sent Zev on his way and took Alistair off by himself. Right away he started lamenting how life has been so unfair to him and how his heart was tore apart." Leiliana shook her head in disgust. "At that point any sympathetic feelings I had toward him went out the window. I told him that Zev was there for Ruthi when he should have been, marrying her when she felt she couldn't handle raising his daughter by herself. I then gave Alistair the circumstances surrounding Nelaros' birth, how Ruthi felt she needed to do something for Zevran after all he had done for her and that Nelaros was a baby born out of gratitude toward a friend, rather than out of true love. I gave him the box of letters that Ruthi had written to him over the past eight years and told him to contact me when he was through reading them."

"So do you think that any of it got through to him?" Soris asked as he began to gather the dirty cups and plates from the small table in front of them.

"'Tis doubtful." Snapped Morrigan, a look of unmistakable disgust poured across her face "The man has the intellectual capacity of a tree trunk."

Thinking back Leiliana remarked "I actually believe that it did get through on some level. His entire face seemed to relax back to normal and I swear that I saw a tear running down his cheek as I left. Now as for who he was crying for… himself, Zevran, Eruthiawen, Nelaros or even Rose, that is anyone's guess…"

Leiliana stood and began to help Soris clear the dishes as Morrigan went to check on the babies napping in the nursery and Anders saw to the older children still playing outside. She then paused and looked at Soris with question in her eyes. "You know it just occurred to me I haven't seen Zevran since I sent him away after his fight with Alistair. I told him to come here and let you know I would be along later, did he never come by?"

Soris shook his head. "No, I haven't seen Zev since he left with you late this morning. When he didn't arrive home with you I figured that he had other business to attend to and that he would just be along later."

Worry began to sweep over Leiliana. Zevran was not in the best state of mind when they departed. He was never one to wear his emotions on his sleeve, instead Zev embraced this façade of arrogance mixed in with just the right amount of suave seduction and masculinity that he had developed during his time with The Crows in Antiva.

"I think it would be a good idea that Morrigan, Anders and I see if we can find Zev." Leiliana said as she quickly sat the tea tray down upon the wooden counter in the kitchen.

Recognizing the urgency in her voice Soris nodded "Do what you need to Leili, Oghren is supposed to be arriving this evening. I think between him, Felsi and me we can handle the kids till you get back." Soris kissed his wife on the forehead "I will pray to the Maker that everything is okay."

"Please do my love." Remarked Leiliana as she began to search for Morrigan and Anders. "One of us will check in periodically incase he should return while we are gone."

As she started to leave Soris called after her "I'm sure he is alright Leili, Zevran never seemed the type to do anything rash…especially out of hatred or anger."

Leiliana looked over her shoulder at Soris. "Hatred and anger are easy to overcome. However love can cause even the most reasonable person to do the most unreasonable things…especially if they know that that love will be forever unrequited."

With an understanding smile and a nod Soris watched as Leiliana rushed out the door.


	5. Ruthi's Little Messenger

_A/N: First and foremost my newest mantra: I own nothing...I owe it all to Bioware and David Gaider!_

_Here it is folks, chapter five is here and in a halfway timely manner (woo hoo, go me!!). Many many thanks go out to my Erynnar friend for her help in ending my never-ending self criticism. Many thanks also to my reviewers Erynnar, bloodtallow, Alive but Alone, bdub and LadyMetallica...your reviews and kind words truly blow me away and have turned what was originally just a pleasant diversion from the monotony of being a stay at home mom into a full fledged obsession (but a good one!)_

_This is another Zevran chapter, and a very hard one to write. Lots of turmoil as we dive into the assassin's past and I really hope that I have done it justice. _

_Oh and for all of my "Swoopers" out there, have no fear for Alistair will be back in chapter six as his head slowly begins to emerge from his rear end. Enjoy and please please please let me know what you think!_

_**~Love One Another~

* * *

**_

A warm evening air blew as Zevran sat amongst the flowers in Leiliana's garden. The scent of Andraste's Grace rose from the darkness and filled his senses. He had been sitting there for what seemed like hours, listening to the children as they played. He hadn't planned on staying for more than a moment but he could not bring himself to face the crowd of people waiting inside. He slipped into the garden in an attempt to avoid the barrage of questions that he had no interest in answering. But instead of diminishing, Zevran's desire for solitude only increased.

Zev sat down upon a small stone bench in the back of the garden and pulled from his shirt an old pair of gloves. With tears in his eyes he ran his fingers across the worn leather. For the first time in his life, Zevran did not feel as though he was in complete control of his emotions. This was disquieting for the former assassin. In his training with the Crows he was taught that emotions only served to get in between the assassin and the task at hand. So over the years Zevran developed his emotional mask. Anger was masked with apathy, Sadness was masked with vicious depravity, and love was replaced with unabashed and shameless debauchery. Once this mask was in place, Zevran believed it would remain there for the rest of his life. Eruthiawen however, began to break down this façade and all of these troublesome emotions started to seep to the surface. Normally Zev was still able to keep his cool outwardly while waging an emotional war within his own mind. But this time, try as he might Zevran could not slake the tempest of anger and grief that was swirling around inside of him.

Tears overwhelmed his eyes as he held the gloves against his cheek. It was then that Zev finally gave in and let the tears flow. All at once the mountain of grief that had been bottled up inside of him for the better part of 30 years came cascading forth. His mask finally shattered and the once stagnant emotions made their presence known. In an instant Zevran longed for the mother he never knew and grieved for the childhood that he was never allowed to have. He felt guilt for every life that he ended with his own hands and love for the woman who rescued him, not only from the crows but also from himself. Thinking about the mercy that Eruthiawen bestowed upon her would be killer made Zev think about the reason he accepted the contract on her life in the first place. He thought of his beloved Rinna, remembering the way he took delight in watching the life drain from her pretty face as Taliesen slit her throat.

Zevran's stomach churned at the memory of Rinna's unseeing eyes staring up at him, and just as he felt he could no longer hold back the sickness churning inside of him he felt a small hand upon his shoulder. Startled, Zevran turned to see a familiar pair of emerald eyes staring back at him with concern.

"Uncle Zev?" Rose whispered "What's wrong? Why are you sad?"

He wanted to talk, wanted to assure her that everything was fine but all that Zevran could do was cry. He quickly turned his face in an attempt to hide his anguish.

"Snap out of it Arainai." He thought to himself "Be a man, no more tears, you are above tears!"

Rose sat down beside her beloved Uncle, wrapped her small arms around his waist and rested her head on his chest. Zevran could feel his heart melting as he put his arms around the girl and rested his cheek on her head. Neither of them said a word, but in the silence Zevran felt comfort.

"I can't give in." he said to himself. "I have to be there for Rose and Nelaros. Ruthi entrusted me with their care and I will not forsake her now."

"Do you miss Mamae?" Rose whispered into his chest.

"Si, mi bendición, I miss her very much." Zev replied in a whisper. "More than words can say."

Rose sat up and looked into Zevran's tear stained eyes. "She misses you too you know." She stated with confidence. "Sometimes when I sleep I visit her in The Fade. She talks about you a lot."

A hint of a smile made its way across his face. "Does she?" Zevran asked as he turned to look at Rose.

"Oh yes, she speaks of you every time I see her." Rose replied

"And my dear just what does your beautiful mother have to say about your old Uncle Zev, hmm?" He asked as his curiosity was piqued.

"Oh, mostly about how you were her very best friend in the world and how much she misses you; sometimes she even tells stories about your travels and the Blight." Rose tenderly held Zevran's hand in hers. "She wishes that YOU would come visit her in The Fade sometimes because she misses the way you could always make her laugh."

Zevran shook his head as he peered at the ground. "Oh my dear sweet Rose, how I wish I could visit your Mother, but alas I don't know how. I dream nearly every night, but your Mother has never come to visit me."

"I asked her one night why there are some nights that she comes and other nights she is gone, she said that those are the nights when the clouds are too thick and she can't find me." Rose stated thoughtfully. "She told me before we go to sleep at night we need to think of the happiest memory we have of her, concentrate on that memory extra hard, and push any sad or unhappy thoughts out of our mind."

"What happens when our thoughts are not happy?" Zevran asked with a curious smile

"Mamae said that angry and sad thoughts create dark clouds that surround us, but when we have only good thoughts, especially thoughts of her, it creates a bright white light all around us." Rose explained. "The bright light leads her right to us."

Zevran kissed Rose upon her forehead and hugged her tight. "Te amo mi bendición"

Rose returned Zev's hug. "Mamae also wanted me to give you a message, one that she said is very important." Rose bowed her head as if she were ashamed of something, kicking the dirt beneath her feet. "But….."

Zev put two fingers under the child's chin, tilting her head up so he could look at her face. "Oh my dear child, what is the matter? Surely it can't be all that bad." Zev gave her a reassuring smile.

Rose shook her head. "No, I don't think it is bad, though I'm not really sure what everything means. I'm just ashamed because Mamae told me what to tell you weeks ago but I never did because I was having trouble remembering everything and I didn't want to mess it up."

"We need not worry about that my sweet one." He patted her strawberry hair. "I have an idea. You could tell me what you remember and when I find your Mamae in the fade she can fill in what you couldn't remember. That would work. No?"

Rose paused for a moment, trying to remember as much as she could of what her mother had said; she took in a deep breath and began. "She said to tell you that she spoke to Rinna."

Zev felt his heart leap into his throat as the sensation of ice cold needles fell upon his back.

"Rinna wanted you to know that she still loves you with all of her heart and that she always would." Rose paused for a moment, trying to collect her thoughts. "Hmmm…..there was something else…."

Zev gave her a reassuring pat on the back as a million thoughts raced through his head.

"Oh yes, I remember!" Rose rejoiced. "She said that she understands why you did what you did, she said she forgives you and that it is time for you to forgive yourself." With that Rose grinned with pride at the fact that she remembered the whole message as she looked up at Zev.

"Did I do a good job Uncle Zev, did the message make sense?" Rose asked with excitement.

Zevran stared at Rose nodding in silence. He wanted to praise her and thank her but no words would come.

"Could it be true?" he questioned to himself "It has to be, there is no way she could have known to say these things otherwise."

The sound of Soris calling Rose to dinner echoed across the yard.

"I'm coming!" Rose shouted in reply. She hugged Zev tight and gave him a kiss on the cheek before running off toward the house.

Zevran stared off into the distance, lost in thought but was quickly snapped out of it as he was struck in the back of the head by a weakened (Thank The Maker) arcane bolt. Zev quickly turned to see Anders standing a few yards behind him.

Anders noticed Zev looking at him from the distance. He looked to his left and right only to notice that he was left standing alone. Suddenly in fear of his life the baffled mage quickly shook his head and shrugged as he declared "I didn't do it!"

It was then that Leiliana and Morrigan crept out from behind a shrub a short distance behind Anders.

"Way to take one for the team my darling" Morrigan patted her still confused husband on the back as she walked past. " 'tis so hard to find a reliable scapegoat these days."

Leiliana stormed past Anders who was frozen in place, still not sure what to make of what just happened. Leili had her sights set on the blonde elf and could see nothing else.

"Zevran!" she shouted, her voice tinged with a mixture of anger, disgust, worry and complete exhaustion.

"Leiliana!" he answered back in a mocking tone

Leiliana pulled back and slapped the bewildered Antivan across the face. "Where in Thedas have you been? We just spent our entire evening walking the streets of Denerim trying to find you, worried out of our minds, probing every person that we came across for answers in an attempt to find you!"

Zev smirked "My dear Leiliana, you mean to tell me that you had a night filled with the wanton probing of random bystanders, and you did not even think to include me in the debauchery?" he chided "And here I thought we were friends."

Once again, Zev was knocked back as his manhood was greeted by one of Leiliana's brand new Orlesian Boots. He fell to the ground only able to moan in response.

"As you can see Zevran, I am in no mood for your tomfoolery. I have spent my night searching for you, leaving my dear sweet husband to attend to a house full of people!" Leiliana crouched to look Zevran directly in his pain stricken eyes. "I swear to The Maker, Andraste, and by every fiber of my being, if you worry me like that again I will do what The Crows could not."

With that Leiliana stomped across the yard toward the house. Morrigan followed closely behind, and as she walked past Zevran she shook her head, obviously amused. "I'm sure one day you will see there was something to be learned in all of this…."

Anders knelt down beside Zevran who was still lying in the fetal position on the ground and called after his wife as she walked away. "Yes my darling, a very valuable lesson that I'm sure Zevran will never forget." Morrigan turned her head and grinned at Anders over her shoulder and as she entered the house. "And the lesson of the day is…be wary of the tiny Orlesian with the big shoe fetish." Anders jokingly whispered as he produced a blue light from his fingertips and expertly aimed it between the legs of the pain addled elf.

In mere moments a feeling of warm numbness spread across Zevran's groin as Anders helped him off of the ground.

"Make sure you put some ice on that or you will be right back to where you were once the magic wears off." Anders said as he turned to leave, and looking over his shoulder added "Or might I suggest some quality time with your stash of Antivan Brandy as an equally effective if not more enjoyable solution."

Zevran remained in the garden for a short while longer as he allowed for Anders spell to take full effect. He then slowly made his way to the house, not enjoying the thought of having to face anyone, least of all Leiliana. So it was much to his chagrin that the redheaded bard was the first person he saw as the door swung open.

"I have only come to gather my children and then I shall go home." Zev shot a glance at Leiliana as he made a b-line for Rose and Nelaros who were sleeping peacefully in an oversized chair in the corner of the room.

"Oh don't be silly Zevran, stay and have some dinner!" giggled Leiliana who had apparently calmed down since their earlier confrontation. "You look like you have had a ton of bricks fall upon you!"

"Four pounds of expertly wielded shoe leather would be a much more accurate representation, would it not?" Zevran growled as he shot an angry glare in the direction of the irritatingly bubbly Orlesian. "No my friend, I think I will be heading home. It is a long walk just to the outskirts of the Alienage and even further to get to our apartment on the other side. I would rather not have 'Little Zev' wake from his magic induced slumber halfway there."

Guilt swept through Leiliana's conscience as she watched her friend struggle to lift his small son from the chair. She wanted so badly to intervene and help him out but knew it was best for her to keep her distance, at least for tonight. She turned and whispered into Soris' ear and with an understanding nod he walked over to the chair and gingerly swept Rose into his arms. Zevran gave Soris an appreciative smile and walked out the front door without saying a word.

Relief swept through Zev's body as they finally rounded the corner and his apartment came in to view. His injured appendage had begun to regain feeling before they had even reached the entrance to the Alienage, and by the time they got to the other side Zevran felt as though he had been walking for hours though in reality it had only been about ten minutes.

Zevran thanked Soris for his help and promised that he would talk to Leiliana once they had both had some time to think. After Soris had left and Zevran closed and locked the door, he tiptoed into the bedroom that his children shared. He watched in silence for a moment as they slept peacefully and then kissed each of them softly on their forehead. "Te amo mis ángeles." He whispered as he left the small bedroom.

As he reached his own bed Zev began to think about his earlier conversation with Rose and what she had told him about the Fade. He wanted so desperately to be able to visit Ruthi tonight, to look into her deep green eyes and hold her in his arms, but he resigned himself to the fact that his Fade clouds would be too much for him to lift after all that had happened today. The confrontation with Alistair was bad enough, but Leiliana's flying feet were the icing on the cake.

Zevran took a long drink from a bottle of Antivan Brandy that he pulled from a chest at the foot of the bed and made a silent promise to himself. No matter what tomorrow brings to his door, he will not allow it to bring him down, he will not let the clouds form, for when evening falls he will visit The Fade and he will see his warden again.


	6. Cruel Goodbye

_A/N: Well folks, now the time has come for Alistair to face some demons which have been lurking in his closet and we will come to find out that everything wasn't just said and done with at the Landsmeet. Thank you so much for your kind reviews on the last chapter, I am thrilled that you all think I am capturing the personalities of these characters. I have found some are easier for me to grasp than others. (Really having trouble with the angry butthead Alistair). So a large virtual hug and a thank you goes out to Erynnar, Misame, LadyMetallica, Bdub, Piceron, ancientlybroken, and last but not least eboncat for your wonderful reviews...they really keep me going._

_I must also send a special thank you to **Erynnar**. Without her help in slaying my "gremlins of self doubt" this chapter would have never been finished. As before I insist you check out her story **Soulmates**...she is ridiculously awesome; in fact all of you are!!_

_Oh and last but not least a shameless shout out to Moi...Check out my oneshot called **Painful Mercy **if you have a chance and let me know what you think. I will warn in advance it is very dark... but I am quite proud of how it turned out. If you do feel inclined to look just let me know what you think...even if you don't like it, constructive criticism helps me grow._

_**~Love One Another~

* * *

**_

Moonlight shone through the small window of Alistair's rented room at The Pearl. In that moonlight the templar lay awake running his fingers down the smooth, soft curves of one of The Pearl's elven "ladies".

"Almost…" he thought to himself "Almost perfect, just the eyes…those damn eyes."

Alistair had spent eight years trying to replace the woman that he said he never needed. He convinced himself that the more these women looked like her, acted like her, and felt like her, the less and less special the real Ruthi would become. The truth was his heart was breaking for the only woman he would ever love, but pride would not allow him to ever admit it, even to himself. So every time he found his memories taking him back to her, another surrogate Ruthi came into existence.

Of all of the look-alikes this one was probably the closest to the real thing that he had been with. Her hair was the same color of red, tied back loosely in a bun, she was about the same height and she had long dexterous fingers just like Ruthi. Her skin was smooth, her voice was soft, but her eyes were blue…not green. She told Alistair her name wasTalah, though it could have been just about anything and it would have made no difference; tonight…she became Alistair's newest Ruthi.

Alistair carefully stood up from the bed, slipped on a long sleep shirt and picked up from the table the box containing Ruthi's letters. Nearly 14 hours had passed since his hands first wrapped around it and still there it was…unopened.

He had no idea why, but every time he tried to open it his stomach knotted up, his heart raced and he began to feel dizzy. He would take a deep breath and try again but he just could not do it. He had no idea what to expect, and it was most likely the fear of going into this emotional battle completely blind which caused the sickening pounding within his chest.

So there he sat, in the moonlight staring at the missing piece to a puzzle the templar had long since given up solving. He let out a deep sigh.

Silence was broken as Talah began to stir beneath the blankets on the bed. She sat up and just stared at the man in front of her.

"What's in the box handsome?" She curiously asked as she pulled the blankets up to cover her chest.

Happy to have someone to talk to Alistair replied. "A million reminders of a life that I thought I had left behind."

Talah leaned her back against the headboard and pulled her knees to her, quizzically cocking her head to the side. "But why haven't you opened it? I've noticed you staring at it off and on ever since I came into the room."

Alistair sighed and shook his head. "It is supposed to be filled with all of these answers as to why the woman, who I loved more than life, would betray me. I don't want to open it and be forced to rehash memories I've worked for eight years to forget. I cannot think of a single reason she could put forth that would justify the way that she betrayed me."

"Oh, you mean at the Landsmeet…when she let Loghain Mac Tir redeem himself by becoming a warden." She stated nonchalantly as she slipped into her small clothes and a loose tunic.

Alistair stared blankly at Talah, not knowing what to say. "How did you know about that?"

"When you work at a whorehouse you hear things." She shrugged her shoulders. "I heard all about you the moment you walked in the door."

"Oh, Maker!" Alistair rolled his eyes.

Talah then got upon her hands and knees and crawled across the bed toward Alistair as she theatrically gave her account of the story. "Everyone around here knows who Eruthiawen Tabris Aranai is, how she gathered an army full of elves, mages, and dwarves, quelled the blight, and returned as 'The Hero Of Ferelden'." She then lowered her voice. "But also you hear tales about the tragedy of our hero losing her one true love and how the other man who loved her came in to pick up the pieces to a heart that would never be his." Talah let out a deep sigh "So tragic…"

Alistair stood up, nearly knocking over his chair and began pacing. "Loghain Mac Tir is nothing more than a megalomaniacal traitor who left King Cailan, the king's army, and every Grey Warden in Ferelden to die at the hands of darkspawn! And the only tragedy is that when it came time for him to get his just desserts he was spared and allowed to go out with honor. And now forever he shall be Loghain, Ferelden's consummate hero."

Exasperated, Alistair flopped down on the bed beside Talah and placed his head in his hands. "I don't want to open that box because all it will only convince me to hate her more. There is no reasoning that she could provide that will change the fact that justice was not served."

"If you don't feel there is anything within that box that will change your mind about what happened, why are you so afraid of reading it? You won't get any angrier than you already are; in fact it could serve to give you some peace of mind that you were justified in that anger to begin with. Are you afraid to move on?" The pretty elf crawled across the bed to look directly into Alistair's eyes. "I think that the reason you don't want to open it is because no matter how much you try to deny it, you know there is a real possibility you could have been wrong; that there truly were very good reasons to allow Loghain to live. It may not make you feel any better about his being spared, but it may show you that there was much more that Eruthiawen had to take into consideration besides your feelings."

Alistair just remained still, trying to hide the fact that what she just said had affected him.

"You have got to be the most obtuse man I have ever met!" Talah picked up the box and shook it in front of Alistair. "This is your answer, this is your resolution, and deep down I think that this is the reason you returned to Ferelden; you couldn't deal with all of the doubts swirling inside of you any longer." She set the box on his lap, stood up from the bed, picked her dress up from the floor and began to slip it on.

Once dressed Talah started out of the room but when she reached the door she turned around to look back at Alistair who sat on the bed staring once again at the box in his hands. "I don't think you ever stopped loving her; and as much as you may deny it if the hands of time were yours to turn I believe you would go back to that day and at least let her explain her motivation to you; if for no other reason than to put it to rest once and for all." She pointed towards the box that he held so tightly. "Right there's your hands of time…don't leave them unturned." And with that another Ruthi walked out the door.

Alistair took a deep breath and finally lifted the lid on the box. Within it there were dozens of folded up pieces of parchment along with an assortment of small mementos; some of which Alistair recognized such as a fragment of a white rune stone Ruthi had given him as a gift. Some of the items he had never seen before. But one item stood out from all of the rest. On top of the stack of letters laid a dried up rose stem with a few crushed petals scattered around it. Alistair felt a lump rise into his throat. He took one more deep breath, pushed the skeleton of his rose to the side and picked up the first letter.

_Dear Alistair,_

_I know you think that the decision I made was wrong, I myself still wonder the same thing. I had every intention of striking him down as he knelt in front of me, but when Riordan said "there are compelling reasons to have as many grey wardens as possible to battle the archdemon"….I don't know…something in Riordan's eyes told me that it was meant as more than a strength in numbers kind of reasoning. I suppose time will tell what it truly meant…if it meant anything at all... I could just be fooling myself._

_When I arrived back at Eamon's I actually expected you to be here…brooding no doubt, but here. Instead, all that I found when I walked into our room were two rune stones smashed against the floor, every gift I ever gave you tossed aside, Cailan's armor lay on the bed, with your father's sword lying beside it._

_Alistair, I understand your being mad, I understand your not trusting Loghain, what I don't understand is why you felt that you couldn't trust me. You have allowed me to be leader ever since I made it through the joining….I never once asked for it! If you could trust my judgment, follow me blindly after just knowing me for a day, why could you not trust my intentions after knowing me for a year? __After all that we have been through? After you claimed to love me without end?_

_I wish with all of my heart that you would just come back so I could talk to you, to make you understand but I know that you won't. I cannot just let this go and pretend that our love never existed._

_I just ran into Brother Genitivi as he had come to deliver a book about some unknown Chantry history to Wynne and he said he overheard you speaking to Gorim; he said you were taking a ship in the morning, bound for Rivain. I will be there Alistair; and I shall try one last time to convince you that I never wanted to hurt you…I just know that this is what needed to be done. Even if I can't explain it…I just know it._

_Then, if you still decide that what you need is to leave, I love you enough to let you go._

_I will be yours always,_

_Eruthiawen_

As Alistair finished reading the letter, all of the color drained from his face. He had nearly forgotten…his final goodbye to Ruthi.

He remembered standing there, along the docks as the ship to Rivain began to board. Just as he prepared to step onto the boarding plank he heard an all too familiar voice call his name.

"Alistair, wait!" Ruthi was running along the docks, dodging people and jumping over the crates that were scattered along the way. "Before you leave I needed you to understand…"

Alistair bellowed with utter absolute hate in his voice. "There is nothing to understand, there is nothing I want to hear from you nor is there a thing that I need from you. You made your choice, now live with it!" He turned again to board the ship and she grabbed him by the arm.

"If I ever meant anything to you please, give me a moment…just one…"

With that Alistair grabbed Eruthiawen by the face and kissed her ferociously. As his tongue found hers his hand clenched a fistful of her soft red hair. As their lips parted Alistair threw Eruthiawen to the ground, and with venom seething from his voice hissed "You're nothing to me."

Ruthi began to shake her head as tears streamed from her beautiful green eyes. "No Alistair, you don't mean that…"

"YOU ARE NOTHING TO ME!" he yelled as he knelt down, his face an inch from hers. He then lowered his voice to nearly a whisper. "In fact, I wish I had volunteered to go to the tower on my own. Then you would have been down on that battlefield, you would have died along with all the rest of them…the only difference is I would have made sure that you were avenged." And as he stood Alistair looked her coldly in the eyes and in an empty and callous voice left her with the words "I hate you."

With that Alistair boarded the ship, leaving Ruthi lying on the ground, still reaching for him. She didn't even notice that she had cut her arm open on a crate as she fell to the ground. She didn't notice a sailor and one of the bouncers from The Pearl trying to lift her to her feet. She just sat there, arm extended with tears streaming down her face; crying for him, pleading for him, dying inside. Those three little words, "I hate you" were the first nail in her coffin.

Alistair's stomach churned at the memory. He quickly reached for a chamber pot lying beneath the edge of the bed and heaved.

Once his stomach calmed Alistair walked to the window and opened it. He took in a deep breath of the fresh air that was streaming in and then dumped the chamber pot into the dirty alleyway below.

Alistair sat back on the bed, his head throbbed as large tears rolled down his face. He really wasn't sure what he was feeling; it was like nothing he had ever experienced. He only knew that it was horrible.

He braced himself as he took another letter from the box and began to open it, unsure whether he was ready to face what he might find.

_My Beloved,_

_Though I know you will never receive these letters, I find solace in writing them. After the way we parted on the docks that day I'll not fool myself into believing that you will be back. I thought with all of my heart that if I put enough of me into that final kiss, a piece of my soul might also go with you and make you understand…But alas, it is but a moot point now. It is so lonely here without you. I am not the most popular person around camp these days; Both Leiliana and Wynne have only just begun talking to me and only as much as necessary, Sten and Shayle are both still mostly silent, so little change there. Oghren will only say to me as much as is completely necessary though unlike some, he never had completely stopped talking to me. Loghain broods away and only really interacts with Emaba, but that beast will take to anyone who has a spare scrap of meat they are willing to part with. Only Morrigan and Zevran still make any attempt to converse with me and they are the two people in the whole camp that I would rather leave me alone. Morrigan wants nothing more than to praise me for getting rid of you, insisting that I'm better off now that I have you out of my life. Zevran has been nothing but supportive but I do not trust myself to be around him right now especially after I….I just can't trust myself, I shall leave it at that. I only wish that everyone would quit asking me if I think I did the right thing; as if regretting showing Loghain mercy would make everything better. Regret helps nothing; I will just have to make due with what I have and hope that in the end it proves to be worth it. _

_We have made our way to Redcliffe and now wait to begin a forced march for Denerim first thing in the morning. We arrived in the village only to find it and the castle being attacked by a small army of darkspawn. They were easily dispatched and we made our way inside. Riordan arrived unexpectedly and brought disastrous news; the horde, with the archdemon at the head of it, is marching for Denerim. I know not what is going to happen, I don't know that it will even be possible to get there before the city is brought to the ground; but whatever is going to happen is going to happen tomorrow. Maybe justice will be served as you wished and both Loghain and I will be struck down just as Duncan was; I suppose it would only be fitting. I will leave this letter now as Riordan has called for Loghain and I to meet with him…"Grey Warden Business" apparently. Whatever news he has, it does not sound good. Tomorrow is judgment day, Maker help us all…._

_Yours, Forever and Always,_

_Eruthiawen_

Sickness churned within his stomach again but this time Alistair was able to keep it at bay. His head however throbbed even more than before. While he was finding some understanding in her words he was being left with even more questions. "Why couldn't she trust herself around Zevran? Why would no one speak to her?" he puzzled. And then he asked the question that only he himself would be able to ever answer. "Why did I still leave when in my heart I wanted to stay?"

Alistair carefully placed the letters along with the fragment of rune stone and the stem of his rose back into the box. He needed to sleep, to try to clear his head and decided that in the morning he would make his way to the chantry and speak with Leiliana though he knew that it would take some swallowing of his pride…and pride is a very bitter pill to take.


	7. From The Outside Looking In

_A/N: As usual I pay homage to the all mighty deity Bioware for allowing me to play within their wonderful little world, I don't own any of it I'm merely visiting._

_Well folks here we are, chapter 7! This chapter is a bit more light hearted to give my dear readers a reprieve from the past couple of chapters which apparently had a good majority of you going all "Emo" on me. As I said to a couple of you, I'm secretly being paid millions by the Kleenex corporation to write these sad chapters so that you will cry and they can take over the world one drippy eyeball at a time!! _

_My little shout outs tonight go to **Piceron **whose story **What Comes Next** is absolutely beautiful a definite must read and **Ladyamesindy **who has a wonderful story called **The Barkeep Diaries. **It is told from the point of view of the barkeep in the Gnawed Noble Tavern...very very creative and something I would have never thought of, you should really check it out. And as always the incomparable **Erynnar **who is the genius behind **Soulmates **and who has given this chapter of my story the Erynnar stamp of approval. Please if you haven't already, show these ladies some love...they are extremely talented! Also thank you reviewers: Ariz0na-sky, Bingham Vance, LadyMetallica, Bdub, Erynnar and Piceron...your reviews and kind words are what keep me going and also what has addicted me to my inbox's refresh button._

_As I said this chapter is a bit more lighthearted and we check in with both Zev and Alistair, as well as some mischief from the children. Also contains a shameless Monty Python reference...I just could not help myself. I hope you enjoy and let me know what you think!!!_

_**~Love One Another~

* * *

** _

"Uuuuuugh…" moaned Zevran as the morning light shone directly into his sleepy eyes. He rolled to his side and nearly fell backward out of the bed at the sight of Leliana sitting on the edge of the bed. Maldita sea!, Leliana what do you think you are doing!?

Sheepishly Leliana looked down at the bed. "After I saw you struggling to pick up Nelaros last night I began feeling just terribly for what I did, I was hoping you would let me take the children for the day so that you may rest; and possibly it can serve to help me make it up to you?"

"Ah my dear precious Leliana, I cannot stay angry with you." Zevran sat up and gave her a reassuring hug. "I do have one request of you if you would so indulge me."

Leiliana sat up and brushed a tear of joy from her eye. "Yes, anything…well…errrm….I mean…"

"Worry not my dear Leli for as you know I have come past that point in my life. Si?" Zevran patted the bard kindly on the shoulder. "No, the boon that I ask of you is this; Should bad blood ever fall between us again I beg to you that you direct your hostility toward me, not Little Zev…while I know he has gotten me in my fair share of trouble in the past, he was merely a bystander in this instance."

Leliana laughed as she hugged her friend "Oh thank you Zev, I couldn't bare you being angry with me."

Zevran squeezed her tightly. "Fear not for I still love you my dear."

"Love you too Zev." She said as she stood from the bed and composed herself. "Now as I said, I insist on taking the children for today so that you can have some time to yourself, and then you WILL come to my house and have dinner."

Zevran gave a sly smile "Ah my dear, you know what you tenacious, assertive women do to me…you are a cruel woman!"

"Zevran Aranai! I am a married woman, what if Soris should hear your libidinous suggestions?" She protested with a laugh.

"Jealousy need not be an issue my saucy friend, Soris is more than welcome to join in on the fun!" He gave a big smile "There is always plenty of Zev to go around!"

With that Leliana picked up a pillow from the bed and proceeded to whack Zevran over the head with it. "The children and I will be seeing you this evening for supper; I hope you enjoy your day."

Zevran nodded at Leiliana and as she walked toward the door called after her. "Leli, thank you for this, for everything; I truly love you as one of my dearest friends."

"Love you too Mon ami merveilleux." She smiled back at Zevran as she picked a sleeping Nelaros up off of a small couch near the front door. She looked at Rose. "Say goodbye to your dear Uncle Zev Rose, he'll be to my house this evening."

Rose ran into the room and threw her arms around Zevran who was sitting up on the side of the bed and nearly knocked him over backwards. She whispered into his ear "Remember only happy thoughts!" She kissed him on the cheek.

Zevran then gave the girl a big squeeze. "Si mi bendición, the happiest that I have!"

Rose smiled as she turned and ran to Leliana who was waiting by the door. They both waved and walked out into the early morning light.

Zevran placed his hands behind his head and leaned back onto the bed. "You are a lucky man Aranai…a lucky, lucky man." He then dozed off, with a smile upon his face that only comes from true and absolute happiness.

Within that same morning light Alistair made his way to the Chantry which stood just near the gates in the market district. He had with him the box of letters which had taken the place of his whiskey flask as his constant companion. While what he read only hours before was a lot to take in, he still felt as though a huge weight had been lifted off of him somehow; a certain clarity had come to his memories.

Just outside of the chantry he approached one of the sisters who was telling a story to a group of children seated in the courtyard. She looked up at Alistair with a smile. "Did you need some help?"

"Oh, I didn't want to interrupt…I'm looking for Leliana, I was told that she did some work with widows and orphans here during the day?"

The sister gave him an affirmative nod "Why yes, she does but unfortunately she is not going to be here today. She came by this morning and said that she would be helping a friend who was not feeling well so she would not be able to stay." She pointed off in the direction of the Alienage "She lives on a farmstead just on the outside of the city, it cannot be missed it's the one with very large white house."

"Thank you my dear woman." Alistair gave her an appreciative smile.

"It was my pleasure; May The Maker watch over you." She said as she went back to telling her story.

Not in the bravest of moods Alistair decided it would probably be best for him to not show up unannounced at Leliana's house. Instead he paid a young man a sovereign to take a hastily scribbled note to Leliana's house for him; asking that she come and talk to him and to send word back with the boy as to when and where would be best for them to meet.

Alistair watched the boy run off toward the gates. He looked down at the box and sighed. "I've waited for eight years; I suppose I can wait just a bit longer." He then sat down along the wall outside of The Chantry courtyard, waiting to hear word back form Leliana; as he closed his eyes and listened to the Sister recounting the story of Andraste and The Maker. Like Zevran, he too was able to finally give at least a small smile as he relaxed in the warm summer sun.

Leiliana's house was bustling with life, everyone enjoying the day and each other's company. Nelaros and Drake sat on the floor of the sitting room playing with some blocks that Soris had carved with some scrap lumber left from building their woodshed. Leliana and Felsi giggled and joked as they drank wine and prepared a large dinner of roasted chicken and freshly picked vegetables. Oghren was asleep in a guest room upstairs and Shianni napped in her nursery.

Cyrion, Cecile, Slade and Rose were sitting in a circle on the floor playing a game that Bodhan had given to Ruthi as a show of gratitude for allowing himself and his son Sandal to follow them on their travels and camp along side of them. The game consisted of a board with squares drawn around it; the names of different places on Thedas on each one. Each child had a small token which was placed on the board and moved a certain amount of spaces depending on the number they rolled on a small set of dice. As they made their way around the board they could purchase the squares using small pieces of wood painted to look like sovereigns and as the squares were purchased the other players would have to pay a certain amount of money depending on the value of the square for every time they landed on it. The children took to the game quickly, especially Cecile who was proving to be quite the shrewd business woman; much to the chagrin of Rose whose token was forever inhabiting one of Cecile's properties.

Suddenly the door leading from the outside into the kitchen slammed as a flustered Anders came storming in with Morrigan right behind him apologizing through fits of laughter. Anders had been working with Morrigan to improve the healing skills that Wynne had tried to teach her before she gave up out of frustration. Anders insisted that she would learn better from someone she could speak to for more than 5 minutes without going into a rage; but upon their entry to the house it appeared he was beginning to change his mind.

"Anders dear be reasonable, twas an accident!" Morrigan stated as she tried to suppress her laughter and take on a serious tone.

"Accident my arse; how do you accidentally do that?" he questioned as he turned a cold shoulder to his wife. "You must think me to be incredibly stupid!"

"What happened?" Questioned Leliana who had never seen Anders angry with his wife; normally this type of scene played out in the completely opposite way. "Are her lessons not going as well as you had hoped?"

"That's putting it mildly." Huffed Anders, I now have a whole new appreciation for our dear departed Wynne."

Morrigan rolled her eyes. "Oh you are being such a baby, twas not that bad!"

"Not that bad??" Anders turned toward his wife with an uncharacteristically serious look upon his face. "You turned me into a nug!!!"

Not sure what to think Leliana turned to Morrigan who now had her hand on her forehead, looking at the floor. "A nug??"

Morrigan looked up and crossed her arms defensively as she snapped at a very agitated Anders. "I don't see the problem _husband_, you got better!"

Before Anders could reply, a commotion came from the sitting room where the older children were playing.

"Bloody thunder humper!" Exclaimed Rose as she watched a large pile of her sovereigns get scooped up by a grinning and giggling Cecile."

Leliana paused; a look of absolute bewilderment befell her face as she heard such unsavory language come out of such a sweet innocent mouth. "OGHREN!!!!" She was going to get him this time…it was obvious who was the source of such vile language. "I would suggest putting some haste into those short little legs of yours if you know what is good for you!!!"

"Andraste's flaming tits woman, I'm not in the Deep Roads and I do have a working set of ears, keep your sodding voice down!" Oghren grumbled as he stumbled (and nearly fell) down the stairs. "Now what is all of the sodding shouting for?"

"It would seem that we have a bit of a problem, dwarf." Morrigan crossed her arms as she glared down into Oghren's permanently bloodshot eyes.

"Ya? Well, no one forced you to marry ole sparkle fingers, so it isn't so much of a "we" problem as a "you" problem." Oghren let out a deep belly laugh, taking much appreciation in his own joke.

Anders waved his arms "Hey, watch it! Ole sparkle fingers is right here you know!"

Morrigan pointed her staff at the dwarf. "T'would be in your best interest to shut your booze drenched mouth dwarf, unless you relish the possibility of being reduced to nothing more than viscous pile of dwarfy goo.

"Or we could always subject you to Leliana's flying feet of fury." Anders chimed in and watched Leliana's cheeks turn red.

"Oh Sod it, I give!" Oghren threw his arms up in defeat. "What did I do this time?"

"Sodding thunderhumper!!" Rose once again cried out as her remaining sovereigns were swept up by an overjoyed Cecile.

With that, Leliana raised one eyebrow and nodded in the direction of the angel faced girl as everyone else shot discerning glances at the stunned dwarf.

Oghren, feeling much like the hound caught in the larder began fidgeting and looking around the room, straining to come up with some way to eject himself from the situation… and then the glow rune brightened…

"Oy, do you feel that?" He looked around the room, trying to avoid a dozen angry glances. "Darkspawn, I sense 'em….it would be un-wardenly of me to not attend to it…..ummm……now!

Anders gave him a skeptical glance. "Darkspawn eh? Why can't I sense 'em?"

"I've been a warden longer you skirt wearing nug humper, my senses are…errrm…..more sensitive!" He protested.

"You took your joining a mere five minutes before me, that hardly makes you my senior!" Anders argued

"Well you sit here and riddle over who joined before who, and I'll go and take care of the sodding Darkspawn for the both of us!" Oghren turned on his heel and all but ran out the door.

Leiliana looked at Felsi. "When is he due to go back to Amaranthine?"

"In three days……." Felsi groaned. "….Three…long…agonizing days."

"Give it back you sodding son of a whore!" Cecile exclaimed as Cyrion took off down the hallway with a handful of her gold.

With that, Leiliana's face turned a deep scarlet. "I must give you my condolences Felsi."

"Your condolences?" Felsi replied.

"Yes, my heart felt condolences for the impending murder of your husband." Said Leiliana, clenching her fists.

Felsi smiled "Forget the condolences, throw me a sodding party!"

Leliana smiled at Felsi and called out to the children. "Come my dear ones, let us go to the garden and I will tell you the tale of the serpant's tongue!"

As she started out the door she nearly ran over the young messenger that Alistair had sent for her.

"I've a message for you mum." The young man stated as he handed her the folded piece of parchment "I'm to deliver your response straight away."

She quickly read the note. "Tell him that I shall speak to him tomorrow as I am busy this evening. Tell him I will be at one of the tables in the private section of the Gnawed Noble Tavern around noontime…tell him also that I expect a nice lunch to be provided." She smiled at the young man as he nodded and ran back toward the city.

A couple of hours passed and the children once again sat on the floor of the sitting room playing their game. Only the sweetest words were exchanged between them after their lesson on the serpant's sharp tongue and how it always got him into dire trouble. Leliana felt very satisfied with herself and the lesson that she had taught them. No one had the heart to tell her though that it wasn't her story, but Felsi's threat to clean the nasty words out of Slade's mouth with a piece of soap that tied their tongues.

Just as dinner was placed on the large table in the dining room Soris and Zevran walked through the front door; conversing about Soris' day at the wood mill and Zevran's day of solitude.

Soris smiled as his wife greeted him with a kiss. "Good evening dear husband, I hope you had a good day."

"I did, a very good day and from the smell of it, my evening is shaping up to be just as wonderful." He kissed Leli upon the cheek and ran up the stairs to change out of his sawdust covered clothes.

Leliana turned to Zevran. "And how about you Zev, did you enjoy your day off? I must say you look quite refreshed."

"Si my dear friend, I spent a couple of hours catching up on my beauty sleep." Zevran grinned "And spent the remainder of the day counting down the hours until I could see mis ángeles preciosos. He then picked up his son who had stood at his feet grinning from ear to ear at the sight of his Dah and kissed him all over his smiling face.

The group sat around the large table joking and laughing. Oghren slipped in just as they sat down and gave his wife a loving kiss on her cheek (as he pinched her butt). Not a single angry or bitter word was exchanged and not a single voice was raised as the group enjoyed their dinner; as well as each others company. As different as they all were, as varied as each of their personalities was; still they were a family.

Alistair stood just outside the fence surrounding the little farm hold and watched the figures moving around in the large window; listening to the laughter and imagining himself inside laughing along with them. After he got Leliana's message, he decided to go for a walk; just to see where she lived and hopefully catch a glance of his little girl. That was three hours earlier, and he just could not tear himself away. The more he tried to keep the protective walls up around himself the more and more he wished that he had never built them in the first place; for while they helped to keep his pride firmly in place, they also allowed all of the love, friendship, and happiness that he once felt to be pushed out of the way, never to be allowed in again.

After another hour of watching what could have been play out in front of him; he arrived back at The Pearl. He was approached by a smiling Talah who asked him if he was in the mood for some "company" for the evening.

Alistair merely shook his head and said "No, thank you." as he made his way to his room.

There would be no more surrogate Ruthi's for Alistair. He walked into the darkened room alone and closed the door as a small piece of his wall fell to the ground.

The hour got to be quite late and it was decided that Zevran and the children would go ahead and stay at Leliana's house for the night. They had all had a wonderful time, remembering their companions that had gone to the maker and the fun moments that they had shared around the fire. They drank ale and wine, they laughed, they even cried as they began to talk about Ruthi and how much she meant to each of them and how she had saved each of them on numerous occasions; not only from darkspawn and bandits, but also from themselves.

Zevran pulled on a sleep shirt that he borrowed from Soris and slipped under the covers. "After today, the light around me should be blinding my dear Eruthiawen; I'll be waiting for you with open arms mi amore." Zevran blew out the candle on the table beside the bed and closed his eyes as a tear of joy slid down his cheek. For tonight, he would see his love again.


	8. Into The Fade

_A/N: I own nothing, it all belongs to **David Gaider** and the good people at **Bioware.**_

_I'm sorry this chapter has taken so long to get out to you. I have no excuse other than my own self doubt. I am honestly still not happy with the chapter so please if you see anything I need to work on let me know! Zev's dream was originally supposed to be a one chapter deal but it was getting way too long so it is now two chapters...sorry! :o(_

_Thanks go out again to Erynnar for the moral support; I don't know what I would do without her! Also thank you to my reviewers from chapter 7 **lunaris, Hikari86, Misame, Bingham Vance, LadyMetallica, Ladyamesindy, and Piceron**.....you all really keep me going!_

_Oh and if you have a mind to check it out I posted another one shot, a funny one this time, called "I Love Birthdays". It's about Zev and Ferelden birthday traditions. It's just something I came up with while I was doing dishes of all things._

_And on a personal note I have to send out a very happy fifth birthday to my son Blake! ***Happy Birthday Bean!! Mommy Loves You!!***_

_

* * *

_

"_Zevran….Zevran, wake up Zev." _A whisper befell Zevran's ears.

As he rubbed away the sleep that still rested within his eyes, Zevran noticed that he was no longer in his bed back in Denerim's Alienage; but in camp laying in front of the fire and looking into a pair of deep green eyes.

"You made it at last!" Zevran knew that voice, that voice that had been but a ghostly whisper for nearly 5 months. "I never thought I would be able to find you but you are here."

"Ruthi?" his voice shook as he locked in on the eyes that he never believed he would see again. His own welled up with tears as he stood in front of Eruthiawen.

"Yes Zev, it's me." Eruthiawen smiled. "I am so glad I was finally able to find you."

Zevran stared in disbelief, unsure of what to say; not sure if he should even talk and risk spoiling the moment. There before him stood his beloved Ruthi. She looked so healthy, so peaceful and so happy; she wore a light lavender dress that hanged loosely off of her slender body, her tan skin was free of the scars of battle. Curls of soft red hair cascaded down her back and over her shoulders framing her beautiful smiling face.

She looked so vibrant, just as she had when they were traveling during the blight; before Alistair left. After the Landsmeet she was never the same. It was very rare that she smiled and she always looked so sad and lifeless. They always told Rose that Ruthi was sick; they figured it would be too hard to explain to a child what heartbreak was and why sadness sometimes just doesn't go away. But here she was…smiling…happy…healthy. Zevran scooped her up into his arms and just held her, kissed her…loved her. "My sweet, sweet Ruthi, I have missed you so." Zevran squeezed her tighter, burying his face in her neck.

Ruthi stroked her fingers through Zevran's hair. "I know my darling, I know. I have missed you too, so very, very much." She gently held her husband's face, tilting it up to look into her eyes. "You are a good man Zevran and I never could have asked for a better husband or a better father for my children."

"Then why could you never love me like you loved Alistair, mi amore?" his voice shook. "I was always there, there is nothing I would have denied you, there is nothing I would not have done for you, yet your heart could never be mine. My sweet beautiful Ruthi, why would you not love me? What did I need to do?"

Ruthi turned away from Zevran with tears coming to her eyes. "Oh Zev, I did love you, I still do; more than you could ever know. It just could never be the same as between Alistair and I. I wanted it to be, I tried for it to be; but eventually I learned it just was not possible."

"But why Ruthi; he hurt you and betrayed you, why could you not let him go?" Zevran grabbed Ruthi by the shoulders, turning her around and forcing her to look at him.

"Because Zev, you deserved so much more than a used up and broken heart." Ruthi smiled through her tears. "After something breaks and we are forced to put the pieces back together, no matter how hard we try…no matter how we try to smooth the edges it is never the same again, it is never whole. When Alistair broke my heart a piece of it went with him, across the sea to Rivain, Antiva, Orlais and Seheron. And after someone takes a piece of your heart any other love is meaningless…no matter how much effort you put into making it the same as the first it never will be. You deserve more than that…you deserve an untainted heart that no one else holds a piece of. I love you too much for you to be just another man...there for my carnal pleasures….a warm body in my bed. Where Alistair holds that piece of my heart, you hold something much more dear…you hold a piece of my soul. And unlike the missing piece of my heart that piece of my soul was given willingly and would be given just as willingly million times over. You are my best friend and I could think of no one better to have as my husband; and if given the chance I would marry you all over again."

Zevran wrapped his arms around Ruthi's slender body, dipping her backwards as he kissed her passionately. Ruthi's hands traced the vallaslin on Zevran's face as she tenderly broke the seal he had placed upon their lips.

Zevran's face fell with sadness. "Alas, even in my dreams your heart will not be mine."

"Zevran, I am the same person in the Fade as I was on Thedas with the same broken heart. I have more clarity to my thoughts and am able to better understand my own emotions but I still will not give you the false hope of me giving myself to you fully." Ruthi took a step back and held Zevran's hands between them. "And even in the Fade I will not accept a heart that never could fully be mine."

Zevran pulled her toward him, placing her hand on his chest over his heart "Mi amore, my heart has always been yours, you know that and it will always be…all of it."

Ruthi shook her head as she smiled tenderly. "No Zevran, there is someone else who has held your heart pieces since before the first day I met you; you know this."

Zevran could do nothing but agree with her, his heart, like Ruthi's had been broken too. His head bowed as he stared toward the ground. "I am the cause of my own grief my dear Ruthi, and there are pieces of my heart laying from the shores of Antiva to the Korcari Wilds…you were the one that helped me to keep the little bit of my heart that I have left."

"No Zevran, the heart you have…and there_ is_ much there, do not let yourself believe any differently; was there from the moment that we met, I simply helped to chip away the stone that had surrounded it." She caressed his face with the back of her hand. "I will not take that which does not belong to me."

Zevran took Ruthi's hand in his, kissing it gently as he pulled her into an embrace. "Then if it is your soul that you wish me to have, I shall take it and treasure it always, provided you do the same courtesy for mine." He smiled, trying to hide his sadness.

"You know I will." Ruthi assured him as she kissed him gently upon the cheek.

"I must say my darling, this is not exactly how I pictured The Fade, I never thought I would spend my afterlife by a campfire." Zevran took in the scene that surrounded him.

"The Fade really can be whatever you want it to be; some of my happiest memories were made around this campfire so where better to spend eternity?" Ruthi replied thoughtfully.

Zevran sat down on a log beside the fire and Ruthi joined him, laying her head on his shoulder.

"Do you remember that one Satanila, when I got prank gifts for everyone?" Ruthi reminisced

Zev smiled "Si, I am still chaffed from that damnable chastity belt."

Ruthi giggled "Yes, that one. I can still remember Shayle after I gave her the uncrushable pigeon, shouting 'Ah! It's a thingy…a fiendish thingy!! Get it off!' all the while running and swatting at her shoulder."

"I remember Wynne's satchel full of potions being crushed under a giant stone foot during the chaos." Zev grinned "I also seem to remember the buxom mage threatening to turn you into a pigeon to be given to Shayle as punishment."

Ruthi laughed as she shook her head "Ah, the good old days."

Zevran placed his arm around Ruthi's shoulders and laid his cheek upon her soft red hair.

"Zev, I don't think I ever really thanked you for all that you did for me…all that you are still doing for me." Ruthi whispered softly.

Zevran shook his head "Mi amore, there is no need to thank me. I did it out of love and would do it again in an instant.

Ruthi took Zevran's hands in hers and looked into his amber eyes. "No, some of the things that you did for me were beyond what anyone should have to do for anyone. You know what I am talking about, Zevran."

Zev did indeed know what she was referring to; the night that she died. That memory was painfully burned into Zevran's mind and try as he might to forget it, he could not make it go away. Like a horrible nightmare, that whole night played out over and over again in his subconscious and upon her mention of it Zevran closed his eyes and relived it once again.

_Zevran, Eruthiawen, Rose and Nelaros were at Leliana's house for dinner. They had just finished eating when a knock came upon the door; Soris answered it to find none other than Queen Anora standing on the doorstep, a worried look upon her face._

"_Soris, I need to speak with you and Eruthiawen…it is urgent." Anora stated as she walked through the door._

"_What is wrong Anora? You look as though you've seen a ghost, what is going on?" Ruthi asked as she stood up from the table._

"_I have some bad news but I feel I should address yourself and Soris in private, especially away from the children." She said with an urgent look in her eyes._

"_I'll take them to the nursery and tell them a bedtime story." Leliana stood and began to usher the children out of the room. _

_Once Leliana and the children were safely behind the closed door of the nursery Anora beckoned the remaining adults; Ruthi, Zevran and Soris, into the sitting room. She sat stiffly on the edge of one of the large overstuffed chairs. "Eruthiawen, Soris…I fear I have some terrible news. I didn't feel it right to send it simply by messenger, especially not to The Hero of Ferelden…"_

_Impatiently Ruthi interrupted "What is it Anora? What has happened? Just tell me!"_

_Anora cleared her throat. "It's about Shianni."_

_Ice cold chills crept down Eruthiawen's back and her heart leapt into her throat as Soris grabbed her hand and pulled her down onto the sofa beside him. Zevran stood behind her, placing a supportive hand upon her shoulder._

_Anora continued. "I don't know how to tell you this other than coming right out and saying it. Shianni has been murdered."_

_Soris and Ruthi gasped in unison. _

"_What happened? Who would want to kill Shianni?" Zev asked as he quickly pulled his wife into an embrace and she buried her face in his shoulder._

"_A man by the name of Asamar Fenlin; he was apparently a good friend of the late Bann Vaughan. He had been in the Free Marches for about ten years and upon returning to Ferelden he learned about the death of his friend." Anora folded her hands in her lap "He began asking around, trying to find out exactly what had happened and was told about the abduction and rape of Shianni by one of Vaughan's former guards. He was told where to find both you and Shianni…and… he found her first." Anora stood and placed a hand on Ruthi's trembling shoulder. "We have already arrested the guard that incited all of this and we are doing all that we can to find Fenlin. We have already had several sightings of tall dirty man in a red tunic come in from different parts of the city; and every lead is being pursued in earnest. I assure you Eruthiawen, justice will come."_

_Ruthi pushed Anora's hand from her shoulder "I have no time for your assurances, he will find justice by my hand." And before anyone could react Ruthi ran out the door._

"_We have to get her." Zevran said with a panicked voice "She is going to get herself hurt or worse."_

_Zevran and Soris rushed out of the room to the small study where Soris kept his and any visitors' weapons locked up. Zevran grabbed his daggers and Soris his sword and shield and they rushed out the door after Ruthi; but by the time they stepped out into the yard she was already lost to the shadows._

"_I'll check the market district, you check the Alienage. We will meet up at the docks and search them and the alleyways together." Soris shouted to Zevran as they ran across the farm hold._

"_I'll check the Alienage, Soris you get the Marketplace and Zev you get the docks." Leliana yelled after them as she ran trying to catch up; all the while strapping her short bow and quiver to her back. "Anora's lady in waiting has agreed to stay with the children, you are not leaving me behind. We will meet at The Pearl." They all nodded in agreement as they sprinted toward the city gates._

_Zevran arrived at the docks and after searching for only moments heard a familiar and ear piercing scream coming from behind The Pearl. He took off like a bolt of lightening into the dim alleyway and turned the corner just in time to see a tall, scruff looking man pulling a blade from his beloved's stomach. _

_In an instant Zevran had his daggers pulled and leapt toward him. "You deserve so much worse than death." Zevran seethed as he plunged one dagger into the man's heart and sliced the other across his neck." Asamar Fenlin fell in a heap upon the ground._

_Zevran ran to his wife who was lying in the dirty alleyway and scooped her into his arms as she began to cough up blood. _

_She looked up into his eyes and a strange smile fell upon her face. "Alistair? My love, I knew you would come home!"_

_Zevran could feel his heart tearing in half. He wanted so badly to correct her but he knew that she was in the last moments of her life and he wanted those moments to be happy for her; so, doing his best to disguise his Antivan accent he pulled Ruthi into a strong embrace. "Yes my love, I have come back to you. I was wrong to have left you. I love you Eruthiawen."_

_As the last bit of life drained from her eyes she whispered "I love you Alistair. I love you…." _

_Zevran began to cry, burying his face in his wife's chest. Sadness then turned to anger as Zevran sat up and looked into her lifeless eyes. "Why did you do it Ruthi, you didn't even bring a weapon….what did you think you would accomplish." His voice became angry "You are so stupid and stubborn why did you have to go and take this into your own hands." Tears again poured from Zevran's eyes and his head once again fell upon her chest._

_Soris and Leliana rounded the corner a while later and found Zevran still sitting upon the ground, still holding Eruthiawen close to him. A group of Anora's guards stood around him, unsure of what to do._

_Zevran knew they were standing behind him, he felt Leliana's hands on his shoulders as she tried to pull him back but he remained where he was, face buried, clinging to his beloved Ruthi not saying a word, overwhelmed by sadness…_

"I know you let me believe you were Alistair." Ruthi wiped a tear from Zevran's cheek "You allowed me to meet the maker with a smile upon my face and I will never forget that. But I know how much it hurt you and for that I will never be able to forgive myself."

Zevran took Eruthiawen's hand in his and looked into her sad eyes. "I would do it again and again if I knew it would make you happy."

"But what about you Zev, you deserve happiness too." Ruthi smiled

Zevran shook his head "I am content just knowing that you are smiling."

"Still, it is my turn to do something for you." Ruthi said as she stood up; brushing the remaining tears from her cheek.

Zevran shook his head "Ah but my darling wife, what more could you give me that you have not already? I have my freedom, good friends, a handsome son and a beautiful little girl who I think of as nothing less than a daughter." He gave her a reassuring grin.

Zevran then felt a gentle touch fall upon his shoulder. "Then if my presence is not desired I shall take my leave." A voice whispered into his ear.

Ruthi grinned at Zev as he turned his head toward the source of the soft Antivan voice. "Rinna?"


	9. Zevran's True Smile

_A/N: As always I own nothing, it all belongs to David Gaider and Bioware_

_Well here we are folks...Zev and Rinna's reunion. I hope that I meet up to all of your expectations on this! There is a romance scene...first one I've EVER written so my stomach is in absolute knots just over that. I love reviews always but they would be especially welcome on this chapter since this is my first shot at this kind of thing (yes, I guess I am begging!!) This chapter is kind of short but it wouldn't have made sense (in my mind anyhow) to make it any longer._

_Thank you everyone for your support in this story. I'm absolutely beside myself with joy knowing that it is being so well received! And I'm doubly glad that you all like the way that I am portraying Zev, as it is such a deviation to the way he is in the game...same with Alistair. _

_As always I have got to thank Erynnar for her continued support and for giving me the idea of the heart pieced together with gold. Woman, you rock! Thank you for your reviews and eternal moral support! Also I must as always thank my other reviewers **CompetentLemon, Ladyamesindy, Bingham Vance, Mirima, Bdub, Piceron, TheNightWatch, and LadyMetallica **as always you guys rock the casbah._

_And my shout outs this evening go to TheNightWatch and her story **Halted**, an Elissa Cousland/Duncan pairing and WONDERFUL to read, also Nastrandir's **Awaiting The Dawn** all about Jowan and Amell....a DEFINATE tear jerker but SO SO SO good, and last but not least check out the AWESOMENESS that is Ladyamesindy. She has several stories out there and they are ALL absolutely spectacular. You my friend are UBER talented!_

_Once again, thanks for reading and thanks in advance for the reviews!! ;o)_

_P.S. Spanish....err...Antivan to English translations in parenthesis!!_

_

* * *

_

"Rinna?" Zevran stared in disbelief at the raven haired elf standing before him.

Rinna grinned as she extended a hand toward the bewildered assassin. "Yes Zevran, it's me!"

Zevran stood and began to reach for Rinna but at last moment thought better of it. Instead he took two steps back and looked away from her smiling face. "Rinna, I…"

"Shh…" She stepped forward and placed a slender finger over Zevran's lips. "You don't have to say anything, and I wish that you would look at me. Of all of the things I have missed about you, your eyes are one of the things I missed the very most."

Zevran just shook his head and took another step back, turning his gaze toward the ground. "No, Rinna; I do not deserve to look at you, or to even speak to you."

Gently, Rinna placed a finger under Zevran's chin and lifted his face to look at her. "Zevran, you have no reason to be ashamed; you and I were victims of circumstance. We were both raised to know nothing but violence and death. Had the shoe been on the other foot and it was I that thought you to be the traitor I cannot say with any certainty that I would not have done the same thing to you. As horrible as it may sound, you and Taliesen saved me that day."

Zevran gave her a confused look. "Mi corazón, _(my heart)_ killing you was not saving you, please do not patronize me in such a way."

Ruthi quietly walked up beside Rinna and Zev, grabbing them both gently by their arm. "I know you have much to talk about, so I shall take my leave for now. Zevran, listen to what she has to say, it isn't at all as patronizing as you may think. Come and see me tomorrow Zevran…we will talk more then. Kiss Nelaros and Rose for me; tell them I love them and remember that I love you." Ruthi kissed Zev on the cheek.

"Thank you for helping me find him." Rinna called out to Ruthi.

Ruthi nodded "Just take care of him, he is very special to me."

"Si, I will. He is quite special to me as well." Rinna glanced at Zevran

Ruthi smiled once more at the both of them and disappeared into the woods surrounding the camp.

Rinna took Zevran by the hand. "Come, let us sit down." She led him to a tent on the edge of the camp.

The tent was quite large, big enough that they could both sit straight up and still have a good one foot clearance above their heads. There was a lantern in the corner that cast a warm glow upon a mountain of cushions that made up the floor.

"Why my love, 'tis quite the place you have here…far more luxurious than any tent I am accustomed to." Zevran managed a small smile

Rinna grinned. "I never did care for roughing it my love; why would I do so if I had the choice not to?"

They both sat down upon the soft cushions and Rinna took Zevran's hands in hers.

Zevran looked into her dark brown eyes "Rinna, I want to know what you meant when you said that death saved you?"

"Zevran, you know the life that we had at the hands of the Crows; as bad as it was for you, there are things that were done to me that no one should have to endure, and they were done often." Rinna looked at the floor. "By me being killed it allowed me to escape the torture, the beatings, the…services….I was forced to offer to the masters at a moments notice. And by you having a part in my death, it forced you to look upon the life you were leading and you changed. You left Antiva, you left The Crows. You allowed yourself to love again and now you have a beautiful family and a life I could have only dreamt of. I would much rather be here in the Fade looking down on you smiling, playing with your children, having a _real _ life, than to still be alive, still being used, watching you mask what a kind and loving man that you are."

With tears in his eyes Zevran gently cupped Rinna's face with his hand, pulling her close to him. "I love you Rinna." He whispered softly into her ear, sending chills down her spine.

Rinna whispered back "I love you too Zevran Arainai, Lo único que echo de menos la vida es sentir tus labios contra los míos.." _(The only thing about life that I miss is feeling your lips against mine.)_

"Oh mi amor, cómo me he sufría por su tacto." _(Oh my love, how I have ached for your touch) _Zevran let his fingers slide through her raven tresses and upon reaching the back of her head, pulled her in and kissed her hungrily.

Rinna returned the kiss as Zevran's hands made their way down her back; gently unlacing her thin ivory colored dress. Rinna's nimble fingers made quick work of removing Zevran's trousers and tunic; her tongue teased his bare skin as the last scrap of imposing fabric was done away with. Rinna felt chill bumps rise upon the assassin's bronze skin as she lightly ran her fingertips down his spine and gently nipped at his neck…her tongue lightly grazing his collarbone.

Zevran gently laid Rinna down upon the cushions and began nipping at her small elven ear as his hands took their turn at exploring her slender body. Barely touching, Zevran ran his fingers from her neck, over her bare breasts and her flat stomach. Slowly they made their way down, driving her crazy as they would slide right back up again as they approached the part of her that ached for them the most. Zevran positioned himself on top of her as he began to lightly nibble on the upper part of her pointed ear. The heat of skin pressing on skin caused them both to sweat as Zevran kissed his way from Rinna's ears to her toes and back again. Rinna let out a soft moan as Zevran teasingly removed his lips from her mid thigh and replaced them on her stomach continuing to work his way up.

Upon approaching her neck once again he took in a deep breath, savoring the smell of vanilla and gardenia. Maker, how he missed that smell; he missed the way she would quietly whisper his name, he missed her soft skin, he missed her deep brown eyes, he missed… her.

Once again he kissed her passionately and in one fluid motion, Zevran and Rinna became one. Zevran looked longingly into Rinna's eyes, never breaking his stare as he slowly thrust deeper and deeper inside of her. He memorized every moan and every sigh that escaped her mouth, he savored the taste of her deep red lips and enjoyed her luscious smell.

He quickened his pace, still never taking his focus from the deep pools of brown that stared back at him. Tears crept from his eyes, falling upon her cheek and sliding down to her hair that was already damp with her own tears. He was so happy that it hurt his heart, her beauty so intense that it burned to gaze upon it, but Zevran could not look away. The missing pieces of his heart filled in, one by one with every forward thrust; the gold of this special moment sealing every remaining void. For the first time in nearly ten years, Zevran felt whole again.

Steadily Zevran continued, doing all that he could to allow this moment to last, never wanting the feeling of her body being joined with his to end.

Finally neither of them could fight it any longer; their lips met hungrily as they climaxed in a trembling crescendo of passion…tears of joy, pain, longing, regret and forgiveness fell upon the sweat of fulfilled desire.

"I love you." Zevran whispered breathlessly as his head fell upon Rinna's chest. Over and over again he whispered "I love you", never breaking the bond that had formed between them.

Rinna's slender fingers worked their way through Zevran's damp, matted hair as she blinked the tears away that still rested within her eyes. "I love you too Zevran…I love you…."

With one more passionate kiss Zevran rolled over to lay beside his Rinna, laying his head upon her bare chest, watching it rise and fall, listening to the beating of her heart. A heart that he knew truly did belong to him. And Ruthi was right, it was to Rinna that his own heart truly belonged.

Once more Zevran whispered "I love you." As his eyelids grew heavy and he gave in to sleep.

"I love you too Zevran…Mi corazón siempre será tuyo _(My heart will always be yours)_."…

"_Uncle Zev…Uncle Zev…It's morning Uncle Zev, rise and shine!"_

Zevran opened his eyes to be met with a pair of emerald ones staring back at him.

"You saw Mamae!" Rose grinned knowingly

"Si, Mi bendición _(My blessing)__. _" Zevran propped himself up on his elbow as Rose sat on the bed beside him. "But how did you know?"

"Because, you're smiling." Rose said as she curled her knees up and rested her chin upon them.

Zevran chuckled. "Ah but my dear I smile often, in fact I am told that sometimes I smile too much."

"But it isn't that smile that I'm talking about Uncle Zev." Rose shook her head "Anyone can smile with their mouth; I can tell that you saw Mamae because it is your eyes that are smiling!"

Zevran sat up and pulled the child into his arms and kissed her upon the head. "Ah Mi bendición, what ever would I do without you."

Rose shook her head. "I dunno Uncle Zev…but you'd be in BIG trouble."

Together Zevran and Rose laughed; both of them knowing that somewhere out in the Fade, Ruthi was looking down and smiling along with them.


	10. Rats, Schleets, and Bastard Kings

_A/N: Bioware and David Gaider own all, I am merely tiptoeing through their creative tulips._

_Well folks, I'm baaaack! Did you miss me? Sorry this update has been a month in the making but I was going through a bit of a self confidence crisis. But, all is well now and here is chapter TEN of Rose! I hope that it is well worth the wait and that you all enjoy it. I would love to promise that eleven will be out in short order but it seems that when I promise to have it done quickly it takes a lot longer. So I will say chapter eleven is in progress!_

_Huge thanks go out to my lovely Beta and friend **Erynnar**, I do not know what I would do without her and her Louisville Slugger (for those pesky self doubt goblins). You are the mac to my cheese, and I mean that! Please read her three WONDERFUL stories "Soulmates", "The First Cut is Always The Deepest", and "Whispering Sighs of the Blade". Be warned, have your tissues at the ready!_

_Also huge thanks go out to **Ladyamesindy **for letting me use Cyril, her barkeep from the Gnawed Noble Tavern. Please read her story, all about Cyril called "The Barkeep Diaries". I truly hope I have done him justice!_

_Lots of love goes out to my reviewers; CynderJenn, Erynnar, Ladyamesindy, TheNightWatch, Bingham Vance, Piceron, and LadyMetallica. You are all SO special to me and are the fuel to my fire and truly what keeps me writing._

_Just a little update, I am currently working on another long story that I'm hoping to start publishing in the near future. It is about my mage Essemere Amell and her true love Jowan. Hope you all will tune in for that!_

_Once again thank you so much for sticking with me, you are all awesome._

_**This chapter is dedicated to the memory of my Dad,**__** Timothy Daniel "Danny" Cathey who I lost to stomach cancer a year ago tomorrow. You are missed Daddy.**_

_****__**Please, I beg all of you, never let anger and prid**__**e cloud your heart, you never know when the last words you say to someone will be the LAST words you say to them.**_

_**God Bless!**_

_**

* * *

**_

After playing with Rose for a while and then sending her on her way, Zev got dressed and made his way downstairs; a smile still painted across his face. When he got to the bottom step he noticed a commotion near the door to the larder. Leliana and Felsi were standing atop the counters pointing toward the larder doorway as Oghren stood just outside the door with his arms folded and shaking his head.

"I told you it went under the sugar" Anders voice muttered from within the larder.

Then came the obviously annoyed voice of Morrigan. "'Tis not under the sugar nor is it anywhere near the sugar; I am certain I saw it in that corner, near the potatoes"

"CRACK" the unmistakable sound of a lightening spell echoed from within.

I got him I got him!Anders rejoiced as he ran out of the larder carrying a rather large rat by the tail; a smug smile set upon his handsome face.

Leliana and Felsi jumped off of the counter as Leliana shouted with delight "Oh Anders you're my hero!"

Anders smile grew even larger as the pretty bard and her dwarven counterpart kissed him simultaneously on each cheek.

"Oh ya, such a sodding hero…all hail the amazing sparkle fingers…beware his wrath of glittery doom." Oghren grumbled, with obvious jealousy seething in his voice as he watched Anders relishing every moment of attention from the ladies. Then as Morrigan walked through the doorway he threw his arms up and with much bravado shouted "and his faithful sidekick Witchy Poo!"

"Darling, it seems we have missed one, a rather ugly and filthy rat at that." Morrigan glared sidelong at the dwarf as he returned to his brooding stance.

"I don't see what you're getting so upset about you great pile of bronto dung, after all you are the one that was screaming that he was in there in the first place." Felsi playfully slugged Oghren in the shoulder.

"If I'd known it was a sodding rat I would have taken care of it myself woman." Oghren argued defensively "I thought it was a schleet and I need my sodding eyeballs seein' how I'm leavin' today and all!"

"But my stocky little friend, I thought you said you were not leaving until tomorrow?" Zevran chuckled as he approached the group.

"That sodding nug humper Howe got his small clothes in a twist and decided we should leave early."Oghren shook his head.

"Not my orders dwarf." Nathaniel stated as he walked in the door "Commander Caron said that we need to check in with our cloaked friend along the road on our way back to Amaranthine."

Zevran rose an eyebrow toward Howe "You mean that darkspawn creature? I don't understand why the wardens do not just kill it."

"He was essential in saving Amaranthine and is doing no harm to anyone. Commander Caron said that as long as that remains the case, he is allowed to remain alive; thus why checking on him is essential." Nathaniel threw an insistent glance at Oghren.

"I still don't understand how this skirt wearing thunder humper has been able to get out of having to report back." Oghren pointed a thumb toward Anders who was still holding the rat by the tail.

"I'll have you know I do have to report back should the commander decide that I am needed." Anders handed the rat to Leliana who immediately turned green and threw it upon the floor. "Since the Architect was allowed to live there has been little need for wardens but should an issue arise I will report back as I promised."

Oghren merely grumbled as he picked the dead rat up from the floor and tossed it out the side door to Ruthi's Mabari hound Emaba. "I'll go get the rest of my things together."

"It was good seeing you again Nathaniel." Felsi waved as she walked up the stairs behind her husband.

Nathaniel grinned and waved back to Felsi as he turned toward Leliana. "So how are things Leli? I've heard rumors of some excitement; something about a long lost bastard king returning to Ferelden?"

"Oh Maker, what a nightmare that has become." Leliana shook her head "In fact I'm on my way to meet with him as we speak; I only hope he is more receptive toward what I have to say."

"Would you like for me to come along Leli?" Anders asked as he rinsed his hands in the basin by the counter. "Since I don't know him I could be a bit of an unbiased party, maybe help him to see the truth?"

Leliana shook her head "No, but thank you Anders. Alistair knows that you are Morrigan's husband and would take anything you say as coming directly from her mouth."

"Well should you change your mind; I shall be taking a nap. All of this being a hero has taken its toll and I need my beauty rest." Anders patted Leli on the shoulder as he headed into one of the overstuffed sofas in the sitting room.

"I guess I should be going." Leliana looked out the window, noticing the sun getting higher in the sky. "And Zev, this time please just stay here; let me handle this!"

"Si Leliana, I shall behave. I swear it." Zevran held up his left hand and placed his right over his heart.

Leliana gave him an apprehensive smile "You had better Zevran Aranai or I will have Emaba come in and sit on you."

Zevran chuckled "No, no need for that my dear Leliana."

Leliana smiled as she walked out the door, mentally preparing herself for what was to come…whatever that may be.

Alistair sat alone at a booth in the private section of the Gnawed Noble Tavern. He decided to get there a bit early so he could do some reading and get away from the temptation of Talah over at The Pearl. He had already read a couple of letters while sitting there and as he finished each he would fold the parchment and carefully place it back in the wooden box. He then reached back into the wooden box and took out the next letter, unfolded the parchment and began to read.

_My Darling Alistair,_

_You are a father! This morning I gave birth to the most beautiful, perfect baby girl. She has my eyes but everything else about her is you. She has your warm smile, loving face, broad shoulders, and I swear I could see her smirking at me even though she was only moments old. Oh how I wish that you could see her. Anora offered to send out some knights to try to locate you but I told her no, if you wanted to be found you would have been found already. I know one day you will come back to me. Until then we will be waiting for you._

_All of my love,_

_Eruthiawen_

_PS. I have named our daughter Rose Adaia Tabris Theirin._

Alistair wiped a tear from his eye as he carefully folded the parchment and placed it back inside of the box with the other letters. His heart ached, knowing how much of his daughters life that he had missed while he was away. As he began to feel the tears stinging his eyes again he felt a hand on his shoulder.

"She never stopped loving you you know." Leliana gave Alistair's shoulder a friendly squeeze. "Even as the world told her to just forget you, she never would."

Alistair sighed. "I think that is the hardest part to get past, even though I knocked her to the ground and told her that I hated her she never did give up on me. I never did deserve her."

Leliana sat across from Alistair and gently set her hand upon his. "Anger can cloud even the most loving heart; I'm just glad that you are finally opening your eyes."

Alistair merely shrugged as he pulled his hands from hers and set his gaze upon the table.

"Now you said there were things you needed to talk about, are you not finding the answers you were hoping to find within the letters?" Leliana asked as she tried to pull his focus back to her.

Alistair looked up. "I am finding plenty of answers Leli, but for every answer I find, ten more questions arise."

Leliana gave him a warm smile "Well ask away, that is what I am here for; take all of the time you need, I want to help."

Alistair cleared his throat and folded his hands in front of him. "Well for one, what happened with the Archdemon?" Alistair began thumbing through the letters in the box. "I have gone through this entire box of letters and cannot find anything. The last that I read was that Riordan wanted to speak to Ruthi and Loghain when you were preparing to march out of Redcliffe; the next letter tells about her discovering that she is pregnant with Rose."

"It wasn't something she would talk about; and with good reason." Leliana looked up from a cup of tea that the bartender Cyril had placed in front of her. "Loghain did not have a glamorous death; were you never told what happens when the archdemon is slain; why the Grey Wardens are needed to slay it?"

Alistair shook his head "I always thought it was more of an exaggerated proposition…I thought it had to do with the fact that we could sense them and therefore were better equipped; is that not the case?"

"Well you are partly right, it has to do with the taint which is what allows you to sense the darkspawn; when the archdemon is slain it's essence seeks out the nearest source of the taint so that it can be reborn within the creature. If anyone other than a Grey Warden slays the archdemon it's essence is reborn within another darkspawn, making it immortal." Leliana took another sip of her tea. "However if it is a warden that slays the dragon the taint seeks them out instead, killing the archdemon and ending The Blight….but also kills the Grey Warden in the process. Loghain died a horrible death; I was there, the sounds of his painful cries will forever haunt my dreams. Ruthi wouldn't talk about it because she is the one that sentenced him to that fate."

"He deserved to die Leliana, don't you think all of those soldiers suffered at Ostagar?" Alistair shot her a questioning glare. "Duncan died a terrible death, Cailan died a terrible death and on top of that, his body was desecrated by those monsters and hung as a trophy."

Leliana merely shook her head. "No one deserves the fate that was handed to Loghain, you weren't there; if you were there you would understand. And I will have you know that in his suffering he saved Ruthi's life. We didn't find out until much later that it was SHE that had volunteered to take that blow but he arranged with Zev to hold her back so that he could. She didn't want to live without you."

Alistair looked back down at the table as he shook his head. "I am definitely not worth dying over."

"She couldn't imagine her life without you." Leliana bent her head down to look Alistair in the eyes. "You were her one and only true love, nothing and no one could ever fill that void."

"So is that why she did not want Zevran around her?" Alistair questioned. "She said in one of the letters that Zevran and Morrigan were the only people who would speak to her after the Landsmeet but that they were the only two she didn't want to talk to; Morrigan because she kept praising her for "getting rid of me" and Zev because she didn't trust herself around him." Alistair gave Leli a puzzled look. "Why didn't she trust herself and why would no one else speak to her?"

"We were angry with her Alistair." Leliana said in an insistent tone. "We thought just as you did that she had betrayed you, the only difference is we stuck around. Zev tried to talk to her and find out what she was thinking; why she chose Loghain over you. She became hysterical and when he tried to comfort her she apparently threw herself on him. He pushed her away but that is why she no longer trusted herself around Zevran. However if you want more details on that you will have to talk to Zevran as I was not there."

Alistair laughed "Riiight, talk to Zevran, like that would go well."

"Alistair, you were the one that started that particular war, Zev was willing to hear your side of things before you attacked him the way that you did." Leliana gave him a stern look. "He was not happy with you but like me he wanted to at least give you the opportunity to explain yourself and a chance to understand the things that happened after you left. You are the one that went on the attack."

He shrugged. "Add another one to the list of people that I have wronged."

Alistair stood from the table and looked at Leliana. "Now I believe that I promised you lunch, what would you like?"

"Ah, so this is where we change the subject I see." Leliana picked up the bowl of half eaten stew that Alistair had been eating when she walked in and sniffed it. "I think I shall have some of this mutton stew, it smells yummy, and some more tea if you don't mind."

Alistair walked up to the bar and flopped down in a stool in front of the bartender Cyril who was busy wiping down the counter. "I need another bowl of the mutton stew and a hot tea please."

"Having a rough time of it eh?" Cyril wrote down Alistair's order and handed it to the young barmaid standing beside him behind the bar.

Alistair groaned. "That is one way of putting it; a total bloody disaster would better describe the situation."

"You know, I remember you lot from way back when during The Blight." Cyril began wiping the counter again. "You were close as could be and I don't think a one of them was the same after you left. The way I see it, they want to understand what happened and let you back in, but you gotta be able to let them in too. Of course this is just the opinion of an old barkeep, take it for what it is."

"Here you go ser, mind the bowl; it's hot." The barmaid sat the stew and tea down in front of Alistair and gave him a friendly smile.

"Thank you Cyril, it is something to ponder anyway." Alistair picked up the tea and bowl of stew from the counter and headed back toward Leliana.

"You know that man Cyril?" The young barmaid leaned against the clean counter and looked at Cyril.

Cyril gently pulled her from the counter and wiped the spot where she had been leaning. "Believe it or not Lizette, that young man is a close friend of the late Hero of Ferelden AND our rightful King."

Lizette raised a questioning eyebrow toward her employer "Riiight, tell me Cyril; does anyone believe any of your tall tales?"

Cyril laughed as he shook his head. "Ah to be young and so full of negativity; fine missy, I didn't want to tell you about it anyway!"

The young woman gave Cyril a warm smile and a friendly slug to the shoulder before leaving to attend to one of her tables.

Meanwhile Alistair returned to the table where Leliana waited patiently. He sat the stew and tea down in front of her and returned to his seat directly across from the bard.

"Oh this stew is absolutely delightful!" Leliana smiled after eating a large spoonful and taking a sip of her tea.

Alistair nodded in agreement as he began to carefully examine a small tooth that he pulled from the box with the letters. He knew that it had to be the first baby tooth that Rose lost. "Tell me about my daughter Leliana, I have missed so much of her life."

"She is a beautiful person, inside and out." Leliana gave Alistair a warm smile. "She is so sweet, she never hesitates to help anyone in need; she is smart and has her daddy's sense of humor. She always strives to see the good in people, friend and stranger alike. Especially bearded wanderers who retrieve prized necklaces from Alienage bullies."

Alistair quickly looked up into Leliana's eyes. "She mentioned meeting me?" A large smile spread across his tearstained face "What did she say?"

"Oh that a wonderfully nice man who smelled like Uncle Oghren helped her get her necklace back from a particularly nasty little girl." Leliana took Alistair's hand in hers "She said that you were so nice but looked very very sad and that she felt terribly for you."

Large tears rolled down the templar's face "She never should have seen her father in that state, she deserves so much more than that." Alistair buried his face in his hands.

"You are here now Alistair, which is what matters." Leliana squeezed his hands in hers. "Nothing else is important but the fact that you are here and you love her and want to be a part of her life."

"I have done so much wrong Leliana, hurt so many people." Alistair shook his head and tried to pull his hands from Leliana who squeezed them tighter.

"I forgive you Alistair, and I'm sure Ruthi would too…you are trying, you are here, you are trying to understand and willing to forgive." Leliana gently placed her fingers under his chin and tilted his face up to look into hers. "You can still make everything right, the first steps are behind you and they are the hardest to get past; I'm here for you if you are willing to see it through."

Alistair nodded his head. "Yes Leli, I think I'm ready. I want to make this right."

"That's what I like to hear." Leliana gave Alistair a warm smile and kissed his forehead. "Now come, lets take that next step." She took his hand and began pulling him from the table.

"Wha…Where are we going?" Alistair questioned nervously.

Leliana looked back at him and smiled. "Taking the next step, we are going to my house and you are going to clear the air with Zev."

As Leliana lead Alistair out of the Gnawed Noble, he nervously looked back at Cyril who was once again wiping the bar. Cyril smiled and mouthed the words "You'll be fine."

Alistair turned back toward Leliana and took a deep breath. "Maker Help Me."


	11. Ruthi's Templar

_A/N: As always Bioware owns the tulips...I just prance among them._

_This is going to be a shorter chapter. I was hoping that getting this posted would help unblock me for the revelations to come. In this chapter Zev and Alistair finally have their sit down. I would like all of you to know as well that I have finally pieced together the way that our story shall end (yes, my crazy butt went into this totally blind). It will be a little while down the road but it is actually helpful knowing the destination that my characters are traveling toward._

_As always my thanks go out to my two lovely betas **Erynnar** and **Ladyamesindy** I really don't know what I would do without them They help me piece together my torturous menagerie of thoughts into something intelligible and save me from crisis on a daily basis. Please take a moment to check out all of their wonderful stories; mine are mediocre at best in comparison. _

_Also, as always thanks go out to my wonderful reviewers; Erynnar, Ladyamesindy, Piceron, Hikari86, fighter-chick, and BubblesScream-jahm-4. Keep that fire burnin, I love it!_

_Oooh and shameless shout out time; if you are interested and enjoy my writing; I have started a new story called "She's My Salvation". It follows Essemere Amell and Jowan through their childhood in the tower all of the way up through the Blight. I'm very proud of the idea and where it is going so if you would check it out it would mean the world to me!_

_Enjoy!_

_~Much Love~_

_VT_

_

* * *

_

As they approached the house, Alistair and Leliana stopped to watch the children playing in the front yard. Alistair was amazed at just how much Rose looked like both he and her mother; a perfect mixture of both of their attributes.

"Beautiful, isn't she." Leliana looked at Alistair and smiled.

"Perfect." He whispered "Absolutely perfect."

Leliana and Alistair got nearly to the door when a voice came from behind them. "Al, is that you?" Rose smiled as she touched his arm.

Alistair turned around to look into a set of deep green eyes. "Rose, it's a pleasure seeing you again." He smiled as he took the girl's hand, kissing the back of it.

Leliana smiled "Rose, this is Al, he was a good friend to your mother, Uncle Zev, and myself."

Rose raised a curious eyebrow toward Alistair. "You knew my mamae Al?"

Alistair cleared his throat. "Yes, she was a wonderful woman; very beautiful and extremely smart." He smiled "And might I say looking at you; I can tell that you are just like her."

"Al and I are going inside so that he may catch up with Uncle Zev as well." Leliana patted the girl on the shoulder. "You run along and play, I shall call you when supper is ready."

After another glance and a smile in Alistair's direction Rose ran off and began playing with Cecile.

Inside of the house Zev sat in one of the large chairs in the sitting room; reading to Nelaros and Drake as Anders and Nathaniel played a game of Wicked Grace a small table in the corner. They all looked up as the door closed and Alistair and Leliana walked in the room.

"The templar?" Anders questioned under his breath to Nathaniel.

Nathaniel set his cards down and leaned toward Anders. "I think so…this should be interesting."

"Will this be civil or shall I save you the time and just punch you now." Zev questioned without so much as looking up from the book he was reading.

Alistair felt Leliana's reassuring hand on his back as he stepped forward. "No Zev, I actually came to apologize."

Zev looked into Alistair's eyes "Good to see your head was not permanently sucked up your posterior then."

Leliana stepped forward picking up Drake and taking Nelaros by the hand. "Come my sweets; let us continue your story in the nursery."

As Leliana walked past, Alistair stopped her. "Is this Nelaros?" he glanced at Zev

Zev stood from his chair "Si, this is my son."

"Alistair smiled at the child as he brushed a lock of hair from his eyes. 'He's a beautiful child, Zev. He looks just like you." Running a finger along the boy's cheek, Alistair added, 'Except for his Mamae's eyes."

Zev grinned as he knelt down beside the little boy "Si, that he does; and just like his Mamae he knows how to use them."

"Darling, are you in here." Morrigan called from the hallway.

Anders froze. "Morrigan."

Nathaniel chuckled as he looked up from his cards. "Is that a bad thing?"

Anders quickly set down his cards and headed in the direction of his wife's voice "Oh you have nooo idea; that is the very definition of a BAD thing." Anders motioned Nathaniel toward him. "Follow my lead."

The two men stepped quickly into the hall and jumped when they met face to face with Morrigan. Startled; Nathaniel yelped "Oh!"

"Darling! We have been looking everywhere for you!" Anders placed a hand on Nathaniels back; signaling him to bend at the waist.

Morrigan gave the men a confused look. "Why would you be looking for me; and why is he looking at me that way?"

"Nathaniel has taken ill, must have ate something that didn't agree with him." Anders feigned concern towards his fellow warden.

"Why would you require my assistance then?" Morrigan gave the men a questioning look "Tis far more likely that you could handle the problem more skillfully than I; is it not?"

"I thought this would be perfect practice my darling!" Anders insisted. "After all I was just telling Nathaniel how nicely your lessons are coming along!" He gave Nathaniel a quick jab to the ribs.

"Yes, I'm sure it is nothing you could not handle" Nathaniel agreed "A mage of your skill; I should be better in no time."

Morrigan gave the pair an apprehensive look "Follow me then; if it suits you. I shall try my best."

And as she led them to the guest quarters down the hallway Nathaniel looked up at Anders "I swear mage; if she turns me into a nug I will eat you alive."

Zev turned to Alistair as Leliana and the children walked from the room. "Please, sit down."

"Zev, I…I owe you an apology." Alistair sat in a chair across from Zevran. "I also need to thank you."

"Thank me for what my dear templar?" Zev sat back in his chair and folded his hands across his chest. "I only did what anyone would do for a friend."

"You consider me a friend?" Alistair gave him a questioning look.

"I was referring to Ruthi; but yes…you as well." Zev let out a sigh "So what is it that you want from me my dear Alistair?"

"I want to know what happened; after I left. Leliana has filled me in on a lot but there are so many questions left unanswered." Alistair sat forward in his chair. "What happened between you and Ruthi, what was she like when she was pregnant, what did my daughter look like as a baby; Zev I missed so much and you are the only one that can fill in these holes for me. Please, I'm begging you."

"I would be glad to help you Alistair." Zev stared into his brown eyes, attempting to gauge the intentions he held within. "But first my friend I must know what you intend to do with this new-found information, shall you take it as the past and a lesson to be learned; or are you going to fly into a trademark tantrum when you hear something you may not like?"

"Listen Zev, I know that I made mistakes in my life; please just know I'm doing all that I can to rectify them." Alistair looked at the elf with pleading eyes as he pulled his mother's amulet from his shirt. "I swear upon my mother's amulet, my most prized possession; I will not run and I will NOT hurt my daughter."

Zev nodded. He knew that Alistair would not swear upon that amulet if he were not being genuine. It was the only thing that the man possessed of his mother and he cherished it as a parent would their child. Zevran had to admit to the fact that Alistair still posessed it after eight years in a drunken haze spoke volumes to his true intentions at that moment. And through that broken amulet Zevran saw a fragment of the young innocent templar; Ruthi's templar, emerge from the booze stained husk of a man that stood before him. Zevran pulled himself forward in his chair and leaned his arms upon his knees. "So what is it that you would like to know first?"


	12. Cold Steel and Broken Walls

_A/N: As always, Bioware owns all...I'm just borrowing!_

_Welcome back everyone! At long last we get to find out exactly what happened between Ruthi and Zev as the last pieces of Alistair's walls tumble to the ground. I'm so glad to have you along for the ride._

_Special thanks go out to my betas __**Erynnar**__ (Soulmates) and __**Ladyamesindy**__ (The Best Proof Of Love Is Trust and Cheese Glorious Cheese (my very favorite oneshot EVER)); Also as always I must thank my wonderful reviewers __**Ladyamesindy, Lijia, BubblesScream-jahm-4, Erynnar, Hikari86, Piceron, and I-Love-Anime-And-Twilight**__ (ILAAT I would never judge a person by their penname LOL). Thank you all for sticking with me. I know I am slow with the chapters but I want to make sure that I'm putting out quality as opposed to quantity. There are some writers out there that can do both and I am in utter envy of them...I'm just not one of them._

_**~Love One Another~**_

_**

* * *

**_

"What happened between the two of you?" Alistair looked at Zev with curious eyes "In her letters she states that you and Morrigan were the only ones that still supported her after the Landsmeet; yet she didn't want Morrigan around and she didn't trust herself with you. I understand her pushing Morrigan away; but what happened with you? Leliana told me that something occurred in camp but that she was not there so could not elaborate. What happened?"

A pained look fell across the elf's face of all of the memories that could have been thrown his way, this was one of the hardest for him to think about. "First Alistair I must say, Ruthi was not herself in the weeks that followed your leaving. She felt completely alone and felt as though something inside of her was missing; she was looking to fill a void."

Alistair shook his head. "I understand; what happened?" He noted a slight look of fear in the elf's eyes. "What was it for ?" he pondered to himself.

Zev settled back into his chair and took a deep breath. "About a week after you left, Ruthi got an urgent message from Gorim to meet him in the market district. He said it had to do with the Grey Wardens. So Ruthi went off on her own."

"What would Gorim have to do with the Grey Wardens?" No sooner had the question escaped Alistair's mouth an alarm began to sound in the back of his head..."Duncan's Shield."

"Si, and she was in an awful fit when she returned to camp." Zev leaned his head back as he remembered the day.

Alistair furrowed his eyebrows and leaned forward in his chair. "But I told him to sell it, I never told him to give it to her!"

"Yes well, our fine merchant friend did not feel it right to sell what he amounted to being a piece of history; so Ruthi got the call." Zevran shrugged and let out a sigh. "And what happened from there shall eternally be etched in my memory."

"Sten and Oghren were sitting by the fire eating some leftover supper while I sat alone leaning against a tree by my tent; sharpening my daggers if memory serves me. Our sweet Leliana and buxom friend Wynne were staying with your Arl Eamon in Denerim." Zev reminisced

Alistair shot Zevran a confused look. "Why were they staying with Eamon, did they become too good for camp?"

"Mmm..something of that nature I suppose; you see Alistair you were a far more popular man that you give yourself credit for." Zevran smirked "They were quite upset by what happened at the Landsmeet and if they could be somewhere other than in camp, that is where they were."

Alistair's cheeks turned red in shame of his own self pity, more and more he was realizing that he should have just stayed and been the bigger person.

"Loghain had been taking Emaba for a walk when he came bounding in remarking that someone was in a 'tissy', the next thing I knew Logain was being knocked to the ground by a flying shield." Zevran chuckled to himself. "It hit him so hard in fact I was in shock that he was not permanently branded with a griffon on his shoulder. Ruthi came in behind the shield crying, saying that she supposed that she really did mean nothing to you since you had sold Duncan's shield as well as his blades. She nearly threw them in the fire but our good Qunari friend rescued them before they landed too close."

Alistair shook his head. "You have no idea how hard it was for me to sell those; but I thought that if I left them behind the memory of Ruthi, Duncan, the whole damned Blight would stay in Ferelden with them."

"Such things are not so easily forgotten, but I suppose you know that already." Zevran shook his head.

Alistair merely grinned in agreement as he urged Zevran to continue his story.

"After nearly killing Loghain with your shield and scarring the life out of our companions around the fire Ruthi just stood there with her face in her hands crying. I walked over and placed my hands upon her shoulders, trying to provide some comfort to her." Zevran shook his head. " I was fully expecting our friend to turn me away, or even hit me in the state that she was in."

Alistair raised a curious brow. "I take it that was not the case then?"

"Mmm...just the opposite. One minute I'm standing behind her, the next thing I know she had me pinned against a tree and was doing everything short of gnawing off my armor." Zev stood and looked out the large picture window. "I told her to stop, I kept trying to push her away but she would have none of it."

"So did you..." A mixture of curiosity and jealousy bubbled within Alistair

Zev let out a low chuckle. "No, though it was like a damn war going on at my waist. The top half of me knew it was wrong but the bottom half...well...it had other opinions." Zevran turned to look at Alistair. "But my conscience won the day, I could not do that to her. I would not take advantage of her in that state."

"So how did you get her off of you?" Alistair questioned "I know as well as anyone how strong she was and when she was determined to accomplish something she was nearly unstoppable."

"Oh yes, had it been left merely to me I would have never gotten her off of me; luckily Sten saved the day." Zevran laughed. "Looking back the scene was quite comical. Me stripped half naked lying against a tree with Ruthi hovering over me like some sort of over-sexed puppet with Sten holding her by the back of her armor." Zevran shook his head as he looked to his feet. "No one knew what to do to help her or to calm her. She just kept shouting 'Why won't you love me?', it broke my heart."

"Zevran...I'm sorry." Alistair stood and placed his hand on the assassin's shoulder. "I'm sorry for doubting you and I'm very sorry for you having to go through that."

Zevran turned and patted Alistair on the shoulder. "Yes well, the past is the past is it not? Let us not dwell on it."

"So what became of the shield, the blades?" Alistair asked as he sat back down.

"I have them." Leliana walked in the room carrying the large shield; the sword and dagger resting on top of it.

A lump caught in Alistair's throat as he caught sight of them. Eight years had come and gone since he last laid eyes upon them. He reached out and ran his hand over the curved blade of Duncan's dagger; he picked it up studying it closely. He then laid it down upon a small table near the chair where he had been sitting and took the sword and shield from Leliana. Something within the cold metal broke down every last defense he had so carefully put in place and he broke down. Alistair dropped the sword as he fell to his knees. He clutched the shield and weeped; not speaking a word. Zev reassuringly squeezed his shoulder as Leliana knelt down and pulled him into an embrace; allowing him to cry upon her shoulder.

Silence was finally broken as he looked at Leliana with tear soaked eyes. "I was so wrong."

Leliana smiled kindly as she brushed away one of the tears that rested on Alistair's cheek with her thumb. "You were hurt. Ruthi never really blamed you for leaving nor was she ever really mad at you. She had a moment of weakness when Gorim gave her Duncan's things but I think that she was more heartbroken knowing that you truly were gone than angry at you for going. She knew you would come back one day and you did."

"But I was too late." Alistair shook his head.

Zev knelt down and placed a hand on the weeping templar's back. "Trust me my friend, you are not too late. Eruthiawen knows you have come back and I know she is looking down and smiling. And no matter what happened in the past you are here now and you can be the father that your daughter needs."

"But you have done so well with her Zev, she is so kind hearted and loving and..."

Zevran interrupted Alistair. "But I am not her father. I would raise her as my own until my dying day but no love can replace the love of a father." He smiled at Alistair as he helped him to stand.

As Alistair composed himself the trio heard the sound of small feet bounding into the room.

"Rose, mi bendicion what are you doing ?" Zev noticed that the girl looked quite upset

"You're my father aren't you." Her eyes stared into Alistair's like daggers. "Your name isn't Al, it is Alistair."

Leliana walked over to the girl and gently grabbed her by the arm. "Rose, listen..."

"Don't touch me Aunt Leli!" She jerked her arm away from her Auntie "You lied to me." Then the little girl's green daggers turned toward her beloved "Uncle" Zev as tears began rolling down her face. "Why would you lie to me?"

With one last angry look Rose ran out the door towards the gardens. "I will talk to her." Zev began to follow her out the door.

"Zev wait." Alistair grabbed him by the shoulder and pulled him back. "I started all of this and as you said she is my daughter. Let me talk to her."

Zevran and Leliana nodded in agreement. "You should know Alistair, she is just like her mother." Zevran warned.

Alistair chuckled lightly. "In that case, please pray for me." He then turned and strode out the door.


	13. The Apple Doesn't Fall Far From The Tree

__

A/N: Bioware owns it all, I'm merely leeching off of their excellence.

**Note: This is a revised chapter. I felt that what I put out earlier today was sub-par at best and nowhere near to the standards I set forth for myself. I would really like to thank Night Hunter MGS for showing me the error of my ways. I really hope that I have made amends for my mistakes and I apologize for putting out something that I knew was not of the best quality to begin with. Forgive me?**

Thank you all so much for sticking with me. We have made it about 3/4 of the way through the story and I hope I' m doing at least a little better getting stuff posted on a regular basis. :)

So we have the daddy/daughter conversation to attend to as Alistair's head finally has emerged from his hind quarters. I hope you enjoy and let me know what you think!

Big thanks first of go out to my betas **Erynnar** and **Ladyamesindy**; I love you two, you are the best friends a girl could ask for; and I really really mean that!

Oh, and extra extra special thanks must go to my lovely betas for the idea of having a conversation about Shayle's pet rock "Smuzzy" to break the ice...I was miserably stuck and E and Ladyames came and pulled me out of the mire, you two are RIDICULOUSLY awesome!

Next as always must thank my reviewers** Ladyamesindy, Piceron, Erynnar, Liso66, Night Hunter MGS** (and thank you so much for the extra encouraging words, it is an absolute HONOR to have you reading my story and I only hope not to disappoint),** Kiwibliss, BubblesScream-jahm4, Hikari86, and I-luv-anime-and-twilight**. Your reviews are really really what keeps me going ,I just cannot say that enough! Thank you all for taking part in my little adventure. And as always...

**~Love One Another~**

* * *

The sun was beginning to set on the horizon as Alistair stepped out the door into Leliana's yard. He noticed a small figure shimmy it's way up an apple tree on the far side of the property; near the garden of Andraste's Grace. "Definitely climbs like her mother." Alistair thought to himself as his memories began to return.

* * *

__

"Oh Alistair, I can't just leave it up there." Ruthi giggled as she swayed backwards, holding onto the tree trunk; smiling playfully.

Alistair crossed his arms. "Get it if you want, but if you get scratched don't come crying to me; I will not kiss it all better Ruthi, I swear I won't."

Ruthi rolled her eyes as she scuttled up the trunk of the tree. "Andraste's ass Alistair, it's a cat, not a genlock!" She grinned as she lowered her voice "And as for the kissing, it seems to me you look for almost any reason that you can to do that."

Alistair's cheeks flushed "You will be the death of me, I swear it."

Ruthi wrinkled her nose as she laughed. "There are far worse ways to meet your demise I'm sure."

Ruthi gingerly picked up the small orange cat that had made it's way up the tree; spooked by Emaba. "Did that silly hound scare you sweetie?" She held the cat up to her, nuzzling it's pink nose with her own. "I'll keep him under control, and while I'm at it I'll speak to the mabari as well." She gave Alistair an impish grin.

"Heeeeeyyy." Alistair protested as he watched Ruthi jump from the branch with the kitten under her arm. "Why do you always have to be picking on me."

She set the kitten on ground and threw her arms around Alistair's neck. "If I didn't you would swear that I was mad at you."

"I suppose that is true." Alistair kissed Ruthi and gently pushed her back toward the tree she had just lept out of. "I love you, you know."

Ruthi ran her nimble fingers through his short red hair. "And I love you."

* * *

Alistair quickly shrugged away the tears that threatened to come to his eyes. "Gotta be strong man, you can do this."

Alistair walked across the lawn and when he got to the tree he leaned his back against it and looked up. Though he couldn't quite see her he knew Rose was in amongst the thick green leaves. "You want to come down, so we can talk?"

"Leave me alone." Came a small but insistent voice from the trees.

"I won't do that Rose, I did it once; I refuse to do it again." Alistair squinted, trying to figure out exactly where amongst the foliage Rose was hiding.

Suddenly an apple came flying from amidst the leaves, catching Alistair squarely between the eyes. "I said to leave me alone! I don't want to talk to you...ANY of you!"

Alistair shook his head trying to regain his composure. "I see what they mean, JUST like your Mamae."

Suddenly Rose leapt from the tree, landing inches in front of her father. "What do you know about Mamae? You were gone!"

Alistair knelt down so he could look into his daughter's eyes. "Yes I was." He motioned to the little girl and beckoned her in the direction of the stone bench within the garden. "Please, let's just talk?"

Rose crossed her arms in front of her as she bound toward the garden. "Fine."

Alistair sat upon the bench that Zevran had sat upon only days earlier as he went through his own personal hell. Rose sat down in the grass and leaned against a nearby tree.

Alistair patted the bench. "There is plenty of room here, you don't have to sit on the dirty ground."

Without looking at her father Rose replied "I prefer the dirt, thank you."

Father and daughter sat in silence for what seemed like an eternity. Rose picked up a small stone and began playing with it; rolling it around in her hand and examining it closely.

"You know, when your Mamae and I were traveling together during the Blight, one of our companions was a great stone giant." Alistair slowly slid from the bench, seating himself directly in front of where he had been sitting.

Rose continued to stare at the stone in her hand. "Yes, Shayle. Mamae told me a lot about her; so did Nana Wynne."

"But did they tell you about Smuzzy?" Alistair shifted his head, trying to get Rose to look into his eyes.

Rose's green eyes met her father's brown ones. "Smuzzy?"

"Why yes, he was Shayle's pet rock. Your Mamae gave him to her for Satanalia." Alistair carefully scooted an inch closer to the girl. "Shayle used to spend hours talking to Smuzzy."

Rose raised a quizzical eyebrow. "They...talked?"

"Why yes, deep philosophical conversations about the nature of the universe." Alistair did his best to keep a straight face.

"Really?" She asked giving him a speculative glance from the corner of her eye.

Alistair chuckled. "No, not really; usually it was just about the best way to kill a bird; but the rock did talk, and it's name was Smuzzy...Maker's honest truth," He added, raising his hand in a semi-solemn oath.

Rose couldn't help but giggle at the thought of the stone giant and her pet rock. Alistair took the opportunity to scoot beside his daughter as the air between them became light.

After the giggling stopped Rose turned to look into Alistair's eyes. "Why did you leave us?"

"I'll be honest with you Rose, I left because I didn't get my way." Alistair gave the girl a shy grin. "Immature, I know; but there you have it. Sometimes adults can act a lot like children."

Rose raised her eyebrows in surprise. "Really?"

Alistair chuckled "Oh yes, sometimes even worse. You see there was this man, a man that I felt deserved one punishment, your mamae decided to give him a punishment that I felt was not enough so I got mad...and I left."

"Well, had Mamae never disagreed with you before? Is that why you got so mad?" Rose was doing her best to understand.

"Well..." Alistair's memories trailed off again at the girls question. "I suppose not, we had our share of disagreements in the past; there were quite a few times really that we did not see eye to eye." One particular memory stood out in Alistair's mind, the day that Ruthi allowed for a blood mage named Jowan to perform a ritual to exorcise a demon out of his cousin Connor. A ritual which left Connor's mother Isolde dead. He remembered how mad he was at Ruthi for allowing Isolde to sacrifice herself as opposed to going to Circle Tower to seek the aid of the mages. Ruthi contended that it would have taken too much time to get there and back; she was unwilling to risk a whole village of people to save the life of the person who indirectly caused all of the turmoil from the start.

"But why could you forgive her all of those other times but not this one time?" Rose questioned. "I don't understand."

Alistair thought about it for a while. He had to admit he was taken back by the intuitiveness of his daughter, just how perceptive her eight year old mind was; and it was becoming abundantly clear to him that in many ways, his own daughter had surpassed him in maturity. "You know Rose," he finally replied, "I don't know that I understand it myself."

"Did you know about me?" Rose questioned shyly.

Alistair shook his head. "No, no, no...I never ever would have left your side had I known. Never!"

"But why did it take you so long to come back? Where have you been all of this time?" Rose asked him with tears filling her dark green eyes.

Alistair looked at the ground trying to hide the shame that he felt spreading across his features. "I went many places; Rivain, Seheron, Orlais, even Antiva, where your Uncle Zevran is from; while I was gone I did a lot of things...things I'm not really proud of. But I am here now and I'm not going to leave you ever ever again."

"But what if I do something that you don't like? What if you get mad at me?" Rose's eyes pierced through Alistair like daggers.

A lump caught in his throat. He wanted so badly to just evade her questions; throw his walls back up but he resisted. He knew that she deserved answers and it was he that must provide them. "No Rose, no matter what I will be here for you."

"So why stay for me and not for Mamae?" Rose was trying so hard to understand what she found to be completely illogical. "Didn't you love her?"

"Yes Rose, I loved your mother with all of my heart." Alistair found himself getting extremely frustrated, not so much by Rose's mountain of questions but by his own inability to respond to them; because as he was finding out there really was not a reasonable answer.

"So why didn't you forgive her; do you forgive her now?" Rose questioned "You really really hurt her, she could not talk about you without crying. I always thought that it was because you had died and she would never see you again; but now I know you were alive and it makes me mad to know that you could have made Mamae better, so she wouldn't be sad and maybe she wouldn't have died."

"I was very selfish Rose, I did not mean to hurt her but I felt like your mother chose someone else over me, like my feelings meant nothing to her." Alistair felt his own grief welling up inside of his belly. "I know I should have stayed but I hurt too; and I stayed away because I really didn't think that I was missed. I had no idea that your mother was grieving the way that she was and I didn't know about you. I have missed so much of your life and I only hope that in time you can forgive me."

"Why did Mamae, Uncle Zev, and Aunt Leli lie to me? Everyone lied to me." Rose's cheeks glowed crimson with a combination of anger and sadness. "Why did they say you were dead when you weren't?"

"Don't be mad at them Rose; they were only doing what they thought was best for you." Alistair took the little girl's hand in his as she finally looked into his eyes. "The person that I was back then is not the kind of person I would want you to see. I want to be a Daddy that you can be proud of. I want to be there for you, get to know you, be everything that you deserve. I love you Rose."

Rose looked into her father's eyes and could sense his sincerity. With tears in her eyes she wrapped her arms around the man that sat before her. "Daddy?"

"Yes, I'm your Daddy." Alistair wept as he stroked the girl's soft strawberry blonde hair. "And I promise Rose, I swear, I will always be there for you."

"Are you okay Zevran?" Leliana looked at the assassin as they watched the scene unfold from the edge of the yard.

Zevran nodded. "Si, she needs her father, and this is what Ruthi would have wanted." He turned and walked back into the house, doing his best to hide the tears that were cascading down his face.


	14. Antivan Lullaby

_A/N: Bioware owns all, including my soul._

_Thank you all once again for "tuning in" . First and foremost I must apologize for my previous chapter. When I posted it, I did so knowing that I really was not satisfied with it and it showed. I must thank **Night Hunter MGS** and **Piceron** for pulling my head from my nether regions so that I could realize that I really was not happy with it. If you read it early in the day it was posted please go give it another peek. I revised it that day and I am MUCH happier with it now._

_As always I have to thank my betas and friends **Erynnar **and **Ladyamesindy**. They keep me sane and also keep me going when I'm ready to give up. Special thank you to Ladyamesindy for the Antivan Lullaby idea and also for the Assassin VS Bard idea...well and also helping me through them both, this was a rough chapter to write._

_Thanks go out to my readers and also big thanks to my reviewers **Ladyamesindy, said a mom, Bdub, Night Hunter MGS, Liso66, Piceron, Erynnar, BubblesScream-jahm4, a person, **__**I-luv-anime-and-twilight, Hikari86**, and last but not least **LadyElle00.**_

_So today we dive into the pool of emotional torment that is Zevran Arainai. I hope you all enjoy and continue to review and please if you see anything amiss do not hesitate to let me know!_

_

* * *

_

Leliana stood at the edge of her house, watching the scene between father and daughter as it unfolded in the garden in front of her. While she was happy that Rose finally had her father in her life, and that Alistair was beginning to come around, she found herself worrying about Zevran. He loved Rose as he would if she were his own and of course wanted the best for her; but Leliana could tell that the assassin's heart was breaking at the prospect of losing his "benedicion" as he called her.

"I should probably make sure he is alright." She thought to herself as she turned and walked through the side door. Upon entering the room she noticed Oghren and Nathaniel standing near the front door, packing up the last of Oghren's things to leave for Amaranthine. Felsi stood nearby trying to comfort a visibly upset Slade.

Leliana then glanced toward the stairs leading to the second floor of the house and noticed Morrigan and Anders having what seemed to be a bit of a heated discussion. She decided to quietly listen in.

"Tis not a good idea to lie to me husband for I will eventually find out what you were hiding."

"Mor, we weren't hiding anything I swear. Nathaniel did not feel well."

"Well then it must speak volumes about my ability that he became miraculously better upon me merely casting a sensing spell to see what was wrong."

Just then the door closed and upon seeing the figure that stepped through Morrigan's mouth dropped. "It all makes sense now...Alistair."

"Um...hello..." Alistair hesitantly stepped into the sitting room behind Rose. "I uh...come in peace...please don't toad me..."

Morrigan turned to Anders. "You did lie to me...you lied to me to protect ... THAT!"

"I...um...you see the thing is..."

Morrigan's glare then shot to Nathaniel as he was slowly making his way backward toward the door. "And you! You actually allowed him to put you up to this?"

Leliana quickly stepped in. "Morrigan, Anders and Nathaniel were merely trying to give Alistair the opportunity to speak to Zevran. Think about it, everyone knows he is scared to death of you!"

Alistair folded his arms in front of his chest. "Heeeyyy!"

Morrigan glared at Alistair as she began to grab for the staff that was strapped to her back.

"Right...point taken..." Alistair unfolded his arms and backed away in surrender.

"We shall talk about this later." Morrigan snapped at Anders as she turned and stormed up the stairs.

Anders shook his head. "Looks like I'm in the dog house tonight."

Nathaniel laughed. "Yep, you are definitely in big trouble."

"No really, I'm sleeping in the dog house...much safer there."

Leliana laughed as she gave Anders a friendly pat on the back. "So what are you all doing down here? Throwing a party to which I wasn't invited?"

"Gettin' ready to pull out...headin' back to Amaranthine." Oghren began looking around the room. "Now where's Schmooples...I want a snack for the road."

Leliana smacked the dwarf up the backside of his head. "You do not touch my Schmooples!"

Oghren chuckled as Leliana turned to face Felsi. "Does this mean that you and Slade will be leaving us too?"

Felsi nodded "Aye, we'll be heading back to Lake Calenhad this afternoon; I'll be expected back to work at the Spoiled Princess in the next few days."

Leliana gave the dwarf a friendly smile. "You will be missed Felsi. It was a delight having you here as always."

"Oh we'll be back soon enough I'm sure." Felsi smiled back and gave the bard a friendly hug. "Slade, are you going to come say goodbye to Leli and your friends?"

The boy crossed his arms and turned his head toward the wall. "No."

Leliana stuck out her lower lip and pouted. "Aww, I don't get even a little goodbye?"

Felsi sighed. "He's been acting like this all day."

"Come here lad, let's take a walk." Oghren clasped his hand on the boy's shoulder and led him out the door to the garden.

"It gets harder every time Oghren has to go back to Amaranthine. I offered to move Slade and myself there to be closer to him; he just won't hear it." Annoyance dripped from Felsi's voice as she shook her head.

Leliana put a reassuring hand on Felsi's shoulder. "He'll come around one day."

"I'll have you know that you and Slade are all that he talks about at the keep." Nathaniel gave Felsi a kind smile.

Felsi nodded and returned a small smile to him. "Thank you for telling me Nate, it is good to hear."

Nate felt something bump into his leg just then. Turning, he found Rose standing beside him. Kneeling down in front of her, he brushed back a stray hair from her cheek and tucked it behind her ear. "I must say Alistair, you certainly have a beautiful daughter. You will have to keep an eye on her when she gets older."

Rose's cheeks turned a deep pink as she tried to hide behind her father. "Thank you," she whispered as she stared at her shoes.

Alistair noted the shy expression of "puppy love" that spread across his daughter's young face. He smiled as he thought back to his first fleeting feelings of childhood love, the way it made his heart race and his mind think a million thoughts all at once. Alistair placed a supportive arm around his daughter and pulled her into an embrace at his side.

He smiled at Nate. "Thank you, I'm just glad she was blessed with her mother's looks rather than mine."

Nate stood and held out a hand toward Alistair. "I don't think we were ever properly introduced. I am Nathaniel Howe."

Alistair cocked an eyebrow in the young man's direction. "Howe? Are you any relation to Rendon Howe?"

Nathaniel sighed as he shook his head. "Yes, he was my father and I apologize for the problems that he caused you during The Blight, I've come to realize what a cowardly snake he always was."

Alistair smiled at Nate as he clasped his arm and gave him a warriors handshake. "No, no apology necessary, you should not have to pay for the sins of your father. It is in the past."

Nathaniel nodded. "Thank you. I'm sorry to cut this short but I really must gather Oghren and get on the road. It's a long trek to Amaranthine and I'd rather get it over with." Nathaniel once again smiled at Rose as he placed a kiss on her cheek. "My lady..." He then hugged the rest of the group, picked up his pack and waved as he walked out the door.

Alistair glanced at his daughter who was frozen in place, a Cheshire smile spread across her pretty face. _By Andraste she looks SO much like her mother_. he thought to himself, remembering that same smile gracing the lips of Eruthiawen so many years ago.

Within the commotion Leliana quietly slipped up the stairs unnoticed, on her way to find Zevran.

She gently pushed open the door of the guest room that he had been staying in to find him sitting in the middle of the floor, head in hands amongst scattered overturned furniture.

"Just leave me be Leliana." He muttered without so much as raising his face.

Leliana slowly took two more steps in the assassins direction. "Look Zevran, I know you are hurting."

"You know nothing. Leave me alone."

Upon reaching the center of the room Leliana placed a hand on his shoulder. "Zevran I..."

Before Leliana could say more Zevran had her by the wrist and using it's pressure points pulled her down to meet him at face level. "Now is not the time, I am not in need of a friend or any kind of camaraderie. Just leave."

Leliana looked into Zev's amber eyes but instead of seeing the loving friend that she had gotten to know so well over the past nine years all that she saw was a void. Though pain seared up the bard's arm she was determined not to leave her friend in his lachrymose state. She thought back to her bardic training and reached for a spot along Zevran's collar bone, the closest accessible pressure point with her free hand and squeezed.

"Two can play at this game Zevran Aranai and I have some skills that you have never seen before." She kept her focus on the burning pools of amber that stared back at her. "Now let me go."

Zevran knew that while he was a gifted assassin, Leliana did possess many of the same talents as he due to her training as a bard so many years previously and he was sure that what she said was true, there was much that she still probably hid within the back of her mind. He relented, letting go of her wrist but never taking his eyes from hers.

Leliana too loosened her grip and pulled her hand back from the elf's tense form; but like Zevran she never lifted her eyes from his icy gaze. She was reading, evaluating, trying to find the "chink in his armor" the weakness that she could use and exploit to make his wall of anger and hurt crumble at his feet.

Simultaneously the assassin and bard lifted themselves from the floor, never breaking their locked stares, reading each other; trying to gain the advantage.

"Leliana, you do not want to pick a fight with me." The corners of Zevran's eyes crimped into a glare, his voice cold. "I do not want to hurt you but I will if you push me."

"Oh so now we deign ourselves to threats and intimidation hmm?" Leliana inched herself closer to the assassin that glared back at her. "Then what, you wound me; kill me? Please Zevran, I know you better than that."

"You know nothing of me Leliana, that is who I am...I am a murderer; I kill without remorse, without looking back."

"That you died a long time ago; Eruthiawen killed him along the Imperial Highway some nine years ago."

"I never should have taken that mission, I never should have sold my soul to the only woman that I ever wanted but could not have." Zevran's voice lowered to nearly a growl. "Of course, what can I expect; I tried to kill her I did not deserve the mercy she gave to me so I suppose I should just be grateful that I breathe. No? I don't deserve happiness or a family or love, no matter how many good deeds I do to try to atone, I am beyond salvation."

Leliana shook her head finally breaking her gaze from his. "You're right Zevran, you are irredeemable; so I suppose I will just go downstairs and tell those two children who think you are their night, day and everything in between just what a horrible and evil person you are; perhaps I'll hand each of them a dagger and _they _can put an end to your pathetic existence. What do you think?"

Zevran's face turned crimson as his anger pooled beneath his skin; his hands instinctively lowered to the belt where his two daggers normally rested but instead of his trusty blades Zevran's hand grasped a small swatch of cloth that Nelaros carried around with him for comfort. Zevran had stuffed it in his belt when he had cleaned Nelaros off from his breakfast and had forgotten it was there. Upon touching the soft piece of cloth Zevran broke down. Suddenly he let out a scream that startled Leliana, causing her to jump back toward the door.

Zevran turned and began grabbing anything he could get his hands on and began hurling the objects at the wall, all the while screaming; tears falling from his face and to the floor.

Leliana backed out the door but stayed peeking just around the corner. She closed her eyes and thought back to her training as a bard. She was taught that no matter who the "target" was everyone had their song and when sung just right it could pull them from the abyss or shatter them to pieces. The trick was simply knowing a little bit about the person, their background, their likes and dislikes, strengths and weaknesses. After only a moment's thought Leliana knew the perfect melody to captivate the assassin; an Antivan lullaby that she had heard many years before.

Quietly, at almost a whisper she began to sing.

"Duerme mi niño, apoyar la cabeza sobre almohadas lanoso, el crepúsculo se ha roto y la madre está ausente. Padre está aquí, seca tus ojos, no llores, tu padre te protege."

_{Sleep my child, rest your head upon downy pillows, twilight has broken and mother is away. Father is here, dry your eyes, do not cry, your father will protect you}_

Leliana watched as Zevran's face began to relax. He began to look around the room and the chaos that surrounded him. With a deep sigh he began righting the furniture he overturned and gathered any salvageable items which had been hurled against the wall; placing them upon the bed.

Leliana drew in a deep breath, knowing that the worst of the storm was over. _"Now is time to let him reflect." _she thought to herself as she turned and headed back toward the stairs.

Leliana decided that after that ordeal she could use some time of her own to reflect; so she made her way to the garden of Andraste's Grace along the side of her house. Upon opening the door she came upon Morrigan who sat upon a stump just outside the door, looking visibly ill; staring at Anders and Alistair as they chatted near the apple tree Rose had climbed just hours earlier.

"Morrigan, are you alright? You don't look well."

Morrigan looked up at the bard and snapped. "Tis because I am not well; in fact _well_ is the furthest thing from what I am!" Morrigan stood and thrust her arm in the direction of her husband and Alistair. "They are nearly twins! Just look at them!" Suddenly she threw her hands over her mouth and began to run to the back of the house, in the direction of the outhouse. "I'm going to be sick."

Leliana shook her head and laughed as she mused to herself. "I was wondering how long it would take for her to notice; Oghren _SO_ owes me five sovereigns!"


	15. All For Her

_A/N: As always, thanks to Bioware for allowing me to play in their wonderful little pixelated world!_

_Thanks for this chapter go out as always to my wonderful, beautiful, talented betas Erynnar and Ladyamesindy. They keep me in line and are the best friends a girl could ask for! And an extra special thanks to Erynnar for not allowing me to warp Ferelden into the modern world by giving the kids a tire swing...ya I tried...go me! LOL :)_

_Big thanks also to my wondermous reviewers __**Ladyamesindy, Liso66, Hikari86, Piceron, Erynnar, and BubblesScream-jahm4-. **__Thank you for all of the support!_

_**~Love One Another~**_

_**

* * *

**_

Once Morrigan was a safe distance away Alistair made his way over to Leliana who was standing near the side door, leaning upon the house and laughing.

"Anders and I heard a lot of yelling upstairs so we decided it was probably best for us to keep the children outside." Alistair sat upon the stump that Morrigan had just vacated. "Is everything okay? Anders said that there had been a commotion before you and I came into the house as well."

Leliana shook her head and Alistair could recognize the unmistakable sign of concern in her eyes. "This is very hard for him Alistair, Rose and Nelaros are Zevran's everything."

"But I'm not going to take her away from him; not right away anyway!" Alistair stood from the stump and held his hands out to his sides. "Look at me Leli, I'm in no shape to take care of a child, I have barely been able to take care of myself for the last eight years. I know how much they mean to each other. When Rose got the slightest inkling that something was wrong with her Uncle Zev she was ready to run up the stairs and 'make him better'. Anders and I had to drag her kicking and screaming outside."

Leliana sighed as she let out a slight giggle. "To be completely honest I think that Rose probably could have gotten through to him better than even I could; but I would not want her to see him like this."

"So what happened?"

Leliana nodded in the direction of the garden. "Let's take a walk; shall we?"

Upon entering the garden Leliana drew in a deep breath, savoring the sweet scent of Andraste's Grace that lingered in the air. She then sat down upon the stone bench and motioned for Alistair to join her.

"Well? What happened?"

"Zevran scared me today Alistair." Leliana let out a heavy sigh. "When I looked into his eyes there was nothing there…nothing. He was so angry and no matter what I did I just could not snap him out of it; he even threatened to hurt or kill me if I didn't drop the issue."

Alistair stood abruptly from the bench. "He did what?"

Leliana grabbed Alistair's arm and beckoned him to sit. "No Alistair, sit down. I was able to get him past that; thank the Maker that I was trained as a bard and therefore know how to hide my nerves. I got him to let me go and after I left the room I sang what the bards call a 'captivating song' that seemed to calm him quite a bit."

Alistair's expression calmed some. "So what do we do now. I didn't want to cause any more trouble for anyone but it seems where one problem is solved six more are created."

"Well, I guess what I need to know is what you intend to do?" Leliana placed a hand upon Alistair's leg. "You said that you are in no shape to take care of Rose, so how do you intend on getting yourself to the point that you need to be at? Once you get yourself to that point, then what? If you were to take Rose to live with you would you stay here or move elsewhere? What about Zevran, will he still be a part of her life?"

Alistair placed his hand over his mouth as he drew in a heavy sigh. "Wow…I guess I hadn't really thought about it. I wasn't really expecting for Rose to find anything out so quickly."

Leliana laughed. "Children have a way of throwing a kink into even the best laid plans." Leliana gave Alistair a big smile as she placed her hand on his shoulder. "That is parenthood lesson number one my friend. Okay so as not to overwhelm you, let us take this one question at a time." Leliana crossed her legs and clutched her topmost knee with both hands. "How do you intend to transform yourself from _this_…to a father?"

Alistair thought deeply for a moment. He knew that he wanted to be the best father he could be for her; but how _would_ he do it? There had been a few occasions already where the temptation of the bottle _almost_ got the better of him (a couple of times it _did_ get the better of him). "I suppose some time away would do me some good, maybe go to Redcliffe and visit Eamon. He never did take any nonsense from me, I doubt that will have changed in the past few years."

Leliana nodded. "I think that might be a good idea."

Alistair shook his head. "But I promised Rose that I would never leave her again. I cannot go back on my word; we are on thin ice as it is."

"It might be a tough one to explain, but I'm sure she will come around when you explain to her that it is only going to be for a short time. And you will of course write to her every day while you are gone." Leliana reached up and gently picked up Alistair's mother's amulet from his shirt. "And maybe leaving something important behind might convince her that you will come back to retrieve it?"

Alistair glanced down at the amulet. He had not taken it off for more than a moment since Ruthi gave it back to him when they were camped outside of Redcliffe some nine years ago. He nodded, "I can try that I suppose. She seems sensible enough, and very smart for her age."

Leliana smiled. "Oh yes, very smart, and deadly accurate when throwing fruit in anger."

Alistair chuckled "You saw that, did you?"

"I probably should have warned you about her propensity to throw things. She is a sweet girl but has a bit of her mother's temper." Leliana gave Alistair a sly smile. "Okay so I suppose the next question would be what you intend to do once you come back from your sabbatical in Redcliffe?

Are you going to take her right away?"

Alistair shook his head. "No, no I wouldn't do that. I suppose she will need to get to know me better, and I her."

She gave him an approving nod and a smile. "Then what? Once she has grown accustomed to you will you stay in Denerim? If not where will you go?"

"I'd rather like to move to Rainesfere, I always enjoyed it there, it is quiet, there are places to go hunting and fishing; plus Teagan was always good to me, I'm sure he would help me out if I had any questions."

"Alright, so the big one...when all is said and done, what about Zev?"

"I…I don't know Leliana." Alistair shook his head. "I mean I want him to stay a part of her life, more than anything. But I can't see us staying in Denerim and I can't see him living in Rainesfere; though he would be more than welcome to. I guess that is something that I will have to work out with Zev. Besides, that will be quite some time down the road."

"Now here comes the fun part." Leliana looked at him shyly. "I think that you should go tell him…without me."

"Maker no; I can't do that!" Alistair stood quickly from the stone bench and took thee large steps backward. "You said yourself that he threatened to _kill_ you…imagine what he would do to me!"

Leliana shook her head as she stood from the bench and walked over to where Alistair was standing. "I am the last person he is going to want to see and anything that I say on the matter he will take as me merely trying to make him feel better. If he hears it from you, he will believe it. I know your intentions are pure and I'm sure Zevran will see that too and will calm down. Then the three of us can discuss what needs to be done and then tackle trying to explain it all to Rose. THAT is the conversation that you should truly be worried about."

Alistair glanced up at the second floor of Leliana's house and drew a heavy sigh. "I suppose, if you think it is best….by Andraste I hope you are right."

"I think I am. I'll keep an ear out for trouble but I think that if you talked to him as you just did me, he will understand." Leliana squeezed Alistair's arm as a small gesture of support.

As he walked out of the garden and to the house Alistair glanced over to a large tree around the back of the house where the kids were playing on a wooden swing. "_This is for her; all for her_." He thought to himself as he took one more deep breath and walked through the door.


	16. Last Flight of The Crow

_A/N: Thank you Bioware for allowing me to play around in your world!_

_Hello all! I hope that everyone's summer was wonderful and that the end of it didn't get here too too soon! I was planning on waiting until after Labor day to post this chapter in the hopes that numbers would pick up but I got impatient so please, read and review...don't make me regret it! LOL_

_Thanks as always to my betas/testers** Ladyamesindy, Erynnar **and **Piceron** were it not for them I do not know how I would make it through this. Also big thanks to reviewers** LadyElle00, Ladyamesindy, Liso66, Erynnar, Piceron, BubblesScream-jahm4-, galesong1234, **and** Hikari86. **It is your wonderful reviews that fuel my fire and keep me going when I feel like i want to give up, from the bottom of my heart...THANK YOU_

_Okay...shameless promo time. For you that are interested in Eruthiawen's story...from the night she lost her mother to the night that she lost her life; please check out my new story **Thorns**. Also, I am in the process of writing another story for all of you Teagan fangirls out there called **The Tangled Web We Weave**. I am already about halfway done writing it and this one will NOT be released until after Labor Day. It will be rated M as parts get a bit "racy" but all in all I am quite proud of it and it is turning out to be one of my favorite stories of the ones I have written._

_Now, without further delay...Chapter Sixteen **Last Flight Of The Crow~**_

_**~Love One Another~**_

_**

* * *

**_

After picking up the fragments of broken furniture and placing them in the corner of the room, Zevran lay down upon the bed and shut his eyes tightly. The emotions from moment ago still raged within the back of his mind, making him grow weary until he succumbed to sleep.

_The gentle brush of fingertips upon his hairline made Zevran snap from his slumber. He looked up to find a sympathetic pair of emerald eyes staring back at him. "Eruthiawen?"_

_She smiled. "Yes Zev."_

_Zevran looked around to find that he was back in Ruthi's camp within The Fade. "How is this possible? Rose said that you told her we could only find you when our thoughts were happy and not tormented. Is this not the case?"_

_"Well first off it is I that finds you and it is easier for me to do so when you think of me and are happy. However, when you are especially tormented it sends out a different…signal if you will. I knew you needed me and here I am." Ruthi sat down beside her husband and took his hand in hers. "Talk to me Zev."_

_"I'm losing her, mi amore." Zevran replied without looking up; trying his best to hide the hurt that was radiating from his face. "My heart is so torn, I am happy that Alistair has returned and that she will have the father that she deserves, but there is this selfish part of me that feels like it is just too easy. I have spent eight years raising his daughter, being there when she was sick, when she was scared, being her Father; only to no longer be needed the second he arrives in her life. And it is that part of me wishes he would just disappear again!"_

_"Zevran, Rose still needs you and will continue to need you more than you know." Ruthi used her free hand to turn his face to look at hers. _

_"Forgive me if I find that impossible to believe," he muttered bitterly. "Alistair has returned and Rose will not require my presence any longer. What else is there to say?"_

_Ruthi giggled lightly. "Zevran have you ever known me to tell you a lie or to sugar coat the truth?"_

_"Well, no...but how could you possibly kno..."_

_"Just call it a mother's instinct; intuition if you will, but you have to trust me Zevran. You are doing the right thing and I love you for it."_

_"Why then, mi amore, does it seem terribly wrong?" Zevran could feel the touch of her skin fading from his grasp. "Mi amore?"_

_"You have to trust me Zevran….trust me…"_

Zevran awoke to the feeling of a wet tongue licking at his hand. He rolled over to see Emaba staring at him with a look of doggy concern. Zevran grinned as he scratched the hound behind the ears.

At that moment Alistair peeked into the room from the hallway. "I figured it would be best for me to let Emaba wake you up." Alistair stepped into the room and slid a chair from the corner toward the center of the room and sat down. "I thought that maybe we should talk."

Zevran sat the rest of the way up and moved to the edge of the bed. "There is nothing to talk about Alistair."

"But you are upset Zevran, I didn't want to turn anyone's life upside down."

Zevran lightly chuckled. "Ah but Alistair change is inevitable; and with change comes chaos, it is the nature of the beast."

"I…I'm sorry I didn't mean to…"

Zevran held out a hand and interrupted Alistair mid sentence. "No, Alistair…you should not be sorry. I reacted like a child and for that it should be me that apologizes to you. You are Rose's father and you have every right to be a part of her life. She deserves to have a father."

This time it was Alistair that interrupted. "She has a father Zevran, YOU are her father. To Rose I am just a man that wandered into her life, it is you who was there for her for the past eight…almost nine years. And I must say this, I pray to the Maker that I can be even half the father that you didn't have to be."

"The fact that you feel that way touches me, truly. Thank you Alistair." Zevran gave his former companion a kind smile. "But I am afraid I must beg the question; what now? What are your plans for Rose now that you are back in her life and within these plans is there any room for me?"

"Of course there is Zevran, I would not dream of just tearing her away from you…however."

"Ah, the infamous 'catch' is it?" Zevran chuckled lightly. "Well out with it Alistair…however what?"

Alistair nervously cleared his throat. "However, once Rose has gotten to know me better and my life is straightened out some I think it would be a good idea that she and I move from Denerim; possibly to Rainesfere, and work on becoming a family." Alistair flinched slightly, as if subconsciously he was expecting to be punched.

Zevran however felt as if someone knocked the wind out of him. While he knew that this was eventually going to come, hearing the words stung a lot more than he anticipated. The elf took a deep breath in an attempt to keep his emotions at bay. Once he felt he was in control of himself he replied quietly. "Where does that leave me?"

"Zevran, even if we left I would never take you out of her life completely; in fact if you wanted to you could come with us though I did not think Rainesfere would be a place that you would enjoy much." Alistair stood up and walked to the window that looked out over the gardens. "And it won't be for a while…a long while."

Zevran walked across the room and leaned against the wall beside the window. "So what do you see happening in the immediate future?"

"I was telling Leliana that I thought it might be a good idea for me to go to Redcliffe for a while so that I can have the opportunity to get myself into a position where I am able to even work on being a good father to her." Alistair turned away from the window to face Zevran.  
"Then when I come back to Denerim I will have to work on she and I getting to know one another and once we have done that and I am sure she would be comfortable with it then we will begin planning on moving away."

Zev felt a slight sense of relief wash over him. While he knew she still would be leaving at least he would have ample time to prepare himself for the eventual separation; and knowing that he would be able to stay as much of a part of her life as he wanted made him feel that much better. He smiled and nodded at Alistair.

Alistair smiled back. "Now comes the really fun part of all of this…"

Zevran raised one eyebrow quizzically in Alistair's direction. "And what, my dear Alistair, would that be?"

"_Weeeell_...I sort of promised Rose that now that I'm here I would not leave again…" Alistair bit his lower lip nervously.

Zevran sniggered loudly…"Ah, now that is one bit of fun I do not think I shall partake in…you think the apple to the head hurt; don't be shocked if she tries to hang you from the tree!"

"_Thaaanks_ for your reassuring words Zevran, you are _soooo _much help."

Zevran smiled as he gave Alistair a friendly pat on the back.

Alistair took a deep breath. "Well….I suppose it's now or never…" Alistair walked out of the room but quickly stepped back in. "Oh, before I forget…I think Leliana wanted to speak with you."

Zevran could feel the blood drain from his face as he remembered the confrontation that happened between them a little more than an hour earlier.

This time, it was Alistair's turn to laugh as he noticed the assassin's changing demeanor. "You know that fun you mentioned earlier? Looks like you will be partaking after all."

The assassin groaned as he remembered the last time he angered Leliana and was faced with the wrath of her Orlesian boots. He quickly grabbed a small metal tray that held some coins and a key or two off of the table near the bed. He dumped the contents out onto the table and gingerly slid the tray into his trousers.

As he looked up he noticed Alistair was still standing in the doorway, now with a completely bewildered look on his face. Zevran laughed "One never can be too careful, no?"

Alistair quickly shook his head, trying to rid himself of any thought that had attempted to enter his mind. "Nope…not going to touch that one...not with a ten foot pole." He then turned on heel and continued out the door toward his original destination.

Zevran laughed and took a moment to compose himself, closing his eyes and breathing deeply; trying to figure out what he would say to his friend who he feared would no longer want anything to do with him. To his surprise when he opened his eyes Leliana was standing in front of him smiling.

"I am very happy to see that you are feeling better, you had me quite worried Zevran." She said sweetly as she approached the elf.

"Oh my sweet Leliana…I am so sorry for…"

Leliana quickly placed a finger upon his mouth as she interrupted him. "Stop…it is fine. You are much too hard on yourself Zevran."

"But Leliana, I almost ki…" Zevran found that phrase…that word stuck in his throat. "I almost hurt you."

Leliana sat upon the floor with her back against the foot of the bed. She then patted the floor beside her, beckoning for Zevran to join her.

Zevran began to comply but as he tried to sit he was abruptly reminded of his makeshift shield. Though it was nearly unheard of for him to blush his cheeks began to turn pink as he attempted to surreptitiously pull the tray from his pants. His cheeks turned a dark crimson when he realized his attempt at stealth was unsuccessful.

"Why in the Makers name…" Leliana found herself completely puzzled.

Zevran tossed the tray onto the bed and sat beside Leliana. "I thought you were going to be a lot angrier than you are and after the last time I made you mad…"

"Enough said." Leliana replied quickly as she felt the warmth of a blush approaching her own cheeks.

After taking a moment to push her urge to break out into laughter into the back of her mind Leliana continued. "Zevran for as long as I have known you and as much as you have changed in those years there is one thing that has always stayed the same."

"Ah…my devilishly good looks?"

Leliana glared as she found she was once again pushing back a laugh. "Be serious Zevran! The one thing that has not changed about you is that for all of your swaggering bravado deep down inside you truly don't believe you are deserving of anything."

Zevran looked down and shrugged. "Should I believe any differently? I am after all an assassin, I've killed many men without mercy and without remorse. Or maybe the better question would be when have I ever been given anything in order to feel unworthy of it?" He could feel the anger and hurt beginning to bubble up inside of him once more. Again Zevran closed his eyes, drawing in a deep breath, trying to dominate his feelings before they got him into any more trouble.

"Zevran I know things did not work out with Ruthi the way that you wished that they would, but that does not mean that you do not deserve happiness. And to spite the fact that you don't see it there are plenty of gifts that you have been given and you frequently make it known that you feel that you are undeserving of them." Leliana insisted.

"Okay my dear woman, what exactly are these great and wonderful things, hmm?" Zevran once again tried to bite down his anger.

"Nelaros." Leliana replied plainly.

Ice cold chills fell down Zevran's body as he bowed his head in submission, unable to say a word in reply.

"Nelaros is your son, a son whom Ruthi bore to you as a way to show you the love that she felt for you and the appreciation that she had for all that you did for her…and for that matter what you are still doing for her." Leliana gently turned Zevran's face to face her own. "And while there is no doubt in my mind that you love him, it seems as though you have never been able to fully accept that he is yours. You refuse to allow yourself to have any sort of fatherly feelings toward him, instead you choose to remind yourself how unworthy you are of having a family and love. You shower love and affection upon him…and Rose for that matter but you never allow yourself to enjoy the effects of that love because you don't believe that you deserve it."

Zevran remained silent, unsure of what to say.

"You have got to stop living in the past Zevran!" Leliana raised her voice. "We have all done things that we are not proud of…you seem to forget that I lived a very similar life to yours when I was younger; yet I do not deprive myself of happiness. I know that the person that I was back then is not the person that I am now. So you see, Zevran the only one that is preventing you from being happy is you."

A great many thoughts crept into the assassins mind due to Leliana's words, but what she said next seemed to open a floodgate of sorts within his subconscious.

"Zevran the Crow is dead."

He looked at her with questioning eyes as she continued.

"That Zevran was mortally wounded along the Imperial Highway and was finished off in a back alley not 5 miles from where you are sitting right now." Leliana placed a supportive hand on his shoulder. "It is time to bury him and move on with life."

The pair remained seated together in a long silence as Zevran allowed Leliana's words to really sink in. Ten minutes or so passed before Leliana spoke. "Are you okay?"

"Si, mi querida."

Zevran then turned and wrapped his arms around Leliana, hugging her tightly as he buried his face in her shoulder. She returned the hug and gently rubbed his back in an effort to soothe her friend who she knew without a doubt was hurting deeply.

"Would you mind watching the children for just a little while?" Zevran asked as he sat back up. "There is something I need to take care of; I promise it won't take long."

"Do what you need to." Leliana smiled sweetly. "As long as you're sure you are alright."

He nodded and gave her a reassuring smile. "I will be…very soon."

The sun was beginning to fall low in the sky as Zevran ducked into one of the many alleyways that spurred off of the busy streets of Denerim. Though it had been nearly nine years since he last was there, he was able to navigate his way through the maze of alleys to get to his destination with ease. He walked quickly with determination but stopped cold when a set of stairs came into view; the stairs on which his best friend Taliesen stood as he tried to convince Zevran to return to the Crows with him.

Zevran slowly approached the high stone steps, his heart racing and his stomach turning.  
"_Leliana was right…this is where it all ended." _He thought to himself as he looked down at the first step. Zevran knelt in front of it and placed his hand against the cold stone. He closed his eyes and saw Taliesen laying there, his head upon that very stone; staring back at Zevran with empty eyes. Zevran's memory then turned to the poisoned dagger that was sticking out of Taliesen's chest… Zevran's dagger. He remembered the sickening sound that it made as he pulled it from the chest of the man who was the closest thing to a brother the assassin had ever known; he could see the blood as it dripped off of it, staining the dirt beneath his feet.

Zevran stood up and began to walk away, unable to bear the memory but Leliana's words continued to ring in his ears. _"Zevran the Crow is dead….it is time to move on."_

_"Have to let go…"_ Zevran took a deep breath as he pulled a pack that he had been carrying off of his back. From within he pulled two daggers; the same daggers that he wielded when he tried to kill Eruthiawen…the same daggers that he used to kill Taliesen.

Zevran walked past the side of the stairs to a grassy area beneath a tree. He dumped out the contents of the pack upon the ground; two large white pieces of cloth, a skin of water, a small vial filled with a dark purple liquid, and two small bowls. He placed the bowls in front of him pouring the water equally into both. He then poured the purple liquid out of the vial into one of the bowls. Zev then picked up the two daggers and placed them in the bowl with the purple liquid. _"I doubt there is any residual poison on these but it never hurts to be careful." _

As he allowed the daggers to soak, Zevran took a moment to reflect; letting his mind take him back to his earliest memories of being a child of a whorehouse, to the torture that he suffered at the hands of The Crows. Zevran bit back tears that burned at his eyes as the smiling face of his beloved Rinna came into focus only to be replaced with the memory of her begging for her life.

Then came Ruthi and the mercy that she showed him when she allowed him to live after he was determined to kill her; then Taliesen came to the forefront of his thoughts. Zevran could still hear his fellow Crow as he begged to be allowed to help Zevran finish the contract; kill Ruthi and return home to Antiva. Then finally, Zevran remembered plunging his dagger into Taliesen's heart.

One more deep breath then Zevran picked up the daggers from out of the solution. He carefully wiped them dry, making sure he got up every last bit of liquid. He laid out the cloth and placed one of the daggers on top of it.

Zevran closed his eyes as he whispered "Mi sangre en la memoria de la sangre que he derramado." {My blood in memory of the blood I have spilled.} With one last deep breath Zevran plunged the dagger into his hand allowing his blood to stain the blade. He set the blade down with the other one and used the bowl of clean water to wash his wounded hand and used the clean cloth to wrap it in.

Once his hand was bandaged Zevran folded the daggers up in the cloth they were laying upon.

He dumped out the water and used the bowl to dig in the dirt beside the staircase. When he was satisfied with the hole he created he picked up the daggers and after saying a silent prayer he placed a kiss upon them and laid them down in the hole. Zevran covered the blades with dirt and gathered his things; stealing one final glance at the alleyway as the last rays of sun faded from the sky.


	17. The Fierce Little Blighter

_A/N: My thanks as always to Bioware for allowing me to run amok in their world._

_Huge HUGE thanks to my wonderful betas Erynnar, Ladyamesindy, and Piceron. Please do me a little favor and visit their stories, all three of these ladies are massively talented. I owe them so much for how much that they have helped me on this and all of my stories. I especially could not have done this particular chapter without them as it contains a scene like one that I have never written before (I don't want to give too much away) but I believe that with their help I was able to keep it realistic._

_As always I need to thank my readers for their continued support and also my wonderful reviewers who keep a fire lit under my butt to keep me going so **Ladyamesindy, bonesfan4evar4, LadyElle00, Erynnar, Piceron, Mirima, Night Hunter MGS, BubblesScream-jahm4-, galesong1234, **__and **Hikari86**...thank you from the bottom of my heart!_

___Just a little note, you will notice Nathaniel referring to Rose as "bebinn" which is a nickname that he has for her. It is a Gaelic word meaning "beautiful girl". Thanks to my Erynnar for helping me find just what I was looking for._

___One last thing before I go; I have had quite a few questions/hints shot my way about Alistair getting his moment with Ruthi in the Fade, (asking whether it's going to happen and suggestions that it should) to which I will answer simply...You will have to wait and see! *I know...I'm **EVIL*** (cue sinister laugh). _

___Now...without further delay...Chapter Seventeen..._

___**~Love One Another~**_

___**

* * *

**_

"Aaargh…come on, you man skirt wearing freak…aaaargh…I'm dying here!" Oghren stood in the sitting room of Leliana's house doubled over in what seemed to be excruciating pain; with Anders standing over him, obviously amused by the dwarf's alleged agony.

"Nope, I will not do it…" Anders faced the dwarf; a smug smile stretched across his lips, crossing his arms defiantly.

Oghren turned his gaze upwards, still unable to unfold his body from it's pained position. "Why not, you _like _seeing me suffer don't you, you thunder-humping son of  
a….uuuuuuuugh"

"While you do make such a _compelling_ argument for why one should be merciful, I am afraid that I am under strict orders from Nathaniel…who might I remind you has been made your and my senior officer, not to give you any aide." Anders laughed as he shook his head. "He feels that since your stupidity caused your _horrible_ pain and therefore caused the both of you to be delayed getting back to the Keep you should have to just suffer and maybe a lesson can be drilled through your thick skull and into that little booze addled brain of yours."

Alistair chuckled as he approached the pair. "What's all this? I thought he was supposed to be with Nathaniel on their way back to Amaranthine?"

"Oh they were…that is until 'Ser-Farts-A-Lot' here convinced Nate to stop at the Gnawed Noble for a bite before they got on the road."

Alistair gave Anders a confused look. "Did he just eat too much? I would ask if he drank too much but by now I don't think there is enough ale in Denerim to even make him tipsy."

"Oh if it isn't the little pike twirler, oi…you stay out of this, 'least I can hold my booze! You've only been at it for eight sodding years and look at you, I've seen shite falling out of a bronto's behind that looks better than you…uuuuuugh…."

Anders rolled his eyes. "I suppose you could say it was something that he ate, though it was nothing on the menu. Our friend here noticed Cyril, the barkeep getting ready to throw out a jar of pickled eggs that were older than I am. Oghren seemed to think that to be wasteful and ate the lot of them…and then washed them down with the brine."

Alistair's complexion turned green at just the thought of what that could possibly taste like.  
"Dear, Maker!"

"Uuuuugh….come on sparkle fingers…sodding help me."

Zevran then came down the stairs…seemingly in a hurry to get somewhere but stopped just short of the door upon seeing Oghren who was still bent over in two. "Ah, Oghren is back…and bent in half…what did he eat this time?"

"It's none of your sodding business elf, now get over here where I can see you…I don't trust you anywhere near my hindquarters when they are all exposed like this….aaaaaarrrgh….."

Zevran knelt down to meet the dwarf's lower-than-normal line of sight. "Tsk tsk tsk…and here I had such hopes for you and I, Oghren; but alas, it was never meant to be. You are so...cruel, my hairy friend"

"Huruuuuuuugh, bloody pointed eared comedian."

Zevran laughed and stood before making his way to the door again.

"Where are you going?" Anders' focus turned away from the writhing dwarf.

"I have business to take care of in the city…I shall be back." Zevran opened the door but before walking out he peeked over his shoulder to once more look at the dwarf.  
"Oghren…you will wait for me, yes? Just the way you are?"

Oghren remained hunched over but began slowly making his way toward Zevran who was grinning smugly. "You stay back elf…or I'll tear you apart limb from sodding limb…you unnaturally prissy freak."

"Ah..the high hopes that I had for our relationship; once again cruelly dashed…such a shame…" Zevran winked and then stepped out the door.

Alistair could not help but laugh; though he and Zevran never did see eye to eye on everything, the elf's sense of humor could almost always cheer him up. Alistair then turned back to Anders. "Anders, have you seen Rose? I need to speak with her. I checked out by the swing where I saw her playing last but didn't see her and I'm not sure where else to look."

"I believe I heard it mentioned that she was going to go practice with Nathaniel..."

Alistair looked at the mage curiously. "Practice; practice what?"

"Sparring. Your daughter has proven to be quite adept at wielding a pair of daggers." Anders noted a look of concern in Alistair's eyes and quickly tried to reassure him. "They use blunted daggers and she is only being taught the basics...mostly form and how to hold a weapon.."

Oghren, who had finally managed to sort of prop himself in a chair interrupted the mage. "He he he...basics my hairy arse...that girl grew out of the basics before she could even talk! That little blighter is her mother through and through...but I still think she would make a sodding brilliant berserker; instead of this sissy arsed duelist training...mmmmmm..." The dwarf then fell to his side in the chair; no longer able to exert the effort needed to hold his body up.

Anders scrambled to nullify the image that Oghren had no doubt put into the new father's head. "I promise you, Alistair...Leli, Zev and Nate have only been teaching her basic moves..."

Alistair held out his hand, cutting Anders off. "Its fine, Anders...I trust Leliana and Zevran and if they both trust Nathaniel to teach my daughter then I do as well. The only real fear I feel is for my own life, as I have to have a discussion with her that she is not going to be very happy about...and now, knowing that she has weapon training, I'm beginning to wonder if I need to borrow some armor before approaching her."

Anders gave a relieved chuckle. "If she were angry and determined enough; she would find a way around that armor in short order mate." Anders pointed toward the back part of the house. "Toward the back fence...behind the woodshed there is a practice area set up; I wager you will find them there."

Alistair turned and began walking out the door as Anders called after him. "May the Maker watch over you!"

The clear sky began turning a deep orange as the sun made its way lower into it. Alistair found the practice area but remained at the side of the woodshed, watching his daughter as she listened attentively to Nathaniel's instruction.

Nathaniel stood behind the girl, helping her to position the daggers in her small hands. "Now bebinn, once you draw, you will want to hold the left blade like this...and the right like…this...there you go. Are you ready to try?"

Rose nodded her head readily as she slid the daggers into the belt that was strapped around her petite waist. She then positioned herself on the other side of the practice area from her teacher and relaxed her body in a casual stance.

Alistair watched his daughter in amazement; just a little earlier that very day she was so shy around Nathaniel that she could barely even look in his direction. But once those daggers were in her hands and the challenge placed before her, any trace of child-like infatuation with the young man seemingly disappeared; leaving her focused and determined.

After allowing the girl a moment to ready her mind and prepare, Nathaniel stealthily crept up behind her. Though it would look to most that the child was oblivious to the fact that someone was slowly approaching her; Alistair knew better. After nearly two years spent traveling and fighting next to three extremely talented and well trained rogues, he knew exactly what he was looking at. Her head, ever so slightly cocked to the side indicated that she had caught onto his sound, her chest, moving slowly and deliberately indicated her adjusting her breathing to allow for her to be able to hear better, her lips, moving ever so slightly...counting the steps as he approached, and her hair, pulled up into a loose bun so as to expose the sensitive hairs on the back of her neck which would alert her to any moment that danger was imminent.

Nathaniel made his way across the yard until he was nearly on top of the still, and very focused Rose. His hand then began to reach around toward her throat, and it was then that Alistair saw his daughter's internal alarms beginning to sound as her green eyes sprang open. In an instant her muscles tensed slightly, breathing pattern changed once again and head moved slightly. Just as Nathaniel's hand began to contract and close around her throat, Rose snapped from her meditative state and instinctively grabbed Nathaniel's wrist that was just ever so close to her throat, bringing it down so that his elbow bent over her shoulder. She then took a step out so that she could kick one foot backwards; viciously implanting it into Nathaniel's groin.

The young man grunted loudly, hunching over from the shock of the impact. Rose then pulled Nathaniel's arm around the side of her shoulder and threw him into the dirt in front of her. As Nathaniel scrambled to stand upon his feet Rose once again brought up her foot but this time she used it to kick him squarely in the rear, knocking him face first into the ground with a sickening thud.

As Nathaniel once again worked to get back onto his feet Rose pulled her daggers from her belt, instantly holding them in the position he had just shown her. Nathaniel nearly got himself up-righted only to be knocked flat as Rose thrust her body in a tight circle and slammed one booted foot into his chest. Nate's back hit the ground and without the time to even make a move to stand again Rose jumped and landed straddling him. She then slammed her knees forcefully into his ribcage, knocking the breath from him and also allowing her to get close enough to cross her blades at his throat.

Alistair watched the whole dance in a complete daze; it was savage, frightening, yet beautifully dangerous. The young rogue's father then shook his head, snapping himself from his hypnotic trance. Alistair gulped loudly as what he just witnessed completely sunk in, his body growing noticeably chilled. "Dear Maker, I'm a dead man."

Rose pulled her daggers back from Nate's throat and slid them into her belt. A huge grin found her face as she squealed with excitement "I did it! How did I do Nathaniel, did I do it right?" In her excitement Rose forgot that she was still kneeling upon her "victim's" chest.

Nate drew in a painful breath before managing utter a few raspy words. "Rose...I...can't...breathe..."

Rose's cheeks pinked as she quickly jumped to her feet. "Oh! I'm so sorry!"

After panting for a few moments and allowing oxygen to once again find his lungs Nathaniel looked at the worried girl and gave her a big smile. "You did so well, Rose! Perfection, bebinn...just like your Mamae."

Rose let out another loud squeal of delight.

Nathaniel patted the girl's red hair and chuckled lightly. "I'm proud of you bebinn, you have picked up on these things so quickly, and some of these maneuvers prove difficult for even an experienced rogue to perform." He wrapped an arm around Rose's shoulders and pulled her in to give her a congratulatory squeeze. He was still obviously in quite a bit of pain as he grimaced at the bit of effort that it took to pull her in. "There is just one _tiny_ thing that I need to remind you of."

Rose turned to face Nate and bit her lower lip nervously, by the look on her face Alistair could sense that she knew what was coming.

"Remember, when we are only sparring…you don't need to use your full force to perform all of the moves. All of this is more about working on your form, strength can come later. All you need to do is pretend like you are going to kick me…or jump on me and I promise I will be fair and act like you really hit me very hard."

Rose's disposition instantly went from joyous to crushed as she began to cry. "I'm so sorry, Nathaniel…I didn't mean to, I just started doing the moves and…"

Nate interrupted Rose, feeling terrible for ruining her proud moment. He pulled her in for a hug once again as he reassured her. "No, no, no Rose. Bebinn…don't feel bad. The fact that you can focus yourself so well and think only of the battle you are in is a good thing. It's just not always so good for my health sweetheart." Nate kissed the little girl on the forehead as she began to calm down. "There's no need to cry, love."

Nate pushed the girl's chin upward, forcing her to look into his eyes as he grinned. "You know, we're friends…so I guess I can tell you the real reason why I need you to take it easy on me…if you promise not to tell anyone else."

Rose nodded emphatically "I promise!"

Nate leaned over and whispered. "The truth is, if you wanted to you could probably kick my butt."

As Rose's face once again lit up Nate stood back and thought to himself, _With as fierce as that little girl is it won't be too long before she really could kick my arse._

Nate tousled Rose's hair, which by now had begun to fall out of the bun in a mess of haphazard wavy strands. "Bebinn, why don't you go ahead and practice your kicks on the scarecrow for a little while, so I can have a little rest."

Rose nodded and obediently began throwing kicks of all different styles into the chest of the scarecrow. Nathaniel leaned up against a stack of straw bales that they used to hang archery targets on and watched his young prodigy at work.

Alistair walked to the other side of the bales from where Nate was standing and laughed. "I must say Nathaniel, you are a much braver man than I; showing Rose such powerful techniques and then allowing her to use you as the practice dummy."

Nathaniel took a long drink from a skin of water and shook his head. "Truthfully, I only wanted her to throw me to the ground and wield the daggers smoothly enough to be able to combat with them; the rest was all her."

"Why didn't you stop her? I know that just her first kick would have had me incapacitated for the entire night."

Nate wrinkled his nose. "Nah, I have found that once she is in her zone, it is best to just grit your teeth and let her go. She is extremely talented and the fact that she can do such complex things on a whim is very impressive. I don't want to stop her while she is using her mind that way; it causes her to become discouraged and should a situation ever rise where she needs to think on her feet it will be much more difficult to do so. When we are done I just gently remind her that when sparring it is okay to simply 'mimic' the more dangerous and painful moves."

Alistair smiled. "Well I must say you are great with her, she really seems to respond to you."

"She does seem to prefer sparring with me; while Zev and Leli are great teachers they tend to make her stick to strictly practicing form; which I grant them is very, very important, however I tend to believe that all of the form and grace in this world won't do a person a bit of good if they don't know how to actually incorporate it into battle."

Alistair was impressed by Nathaniel's philosophy on Rose's training and found that he really was inclined to agree with him.

"So, Alistair; what brings you out here this evening? Are you merely observing or would you like to go a round with her?" Nate gave Alistair a cheeky grin.

"Oh no…no sword play for me just yet. I'd be lucky if I could even pick one up, let alone swing it with as out of shape as I am." Alistair chuckled. "Of course, after this conversation I am about to have I think that a spar may be inevitable."

"Oh, so good news I take it?" Nate laughed. "Rose, let's call it a night, bebinn…it has gotten dark and I believe your father would like to chat with you; besides I think I need to pay Anders a visit."

Rose ran up to her father, her face beaming with pride. "Did you see me? Did you see what I did?"

Alistair knelt down and caressed the girl's cheek with his hand. "I did see, Rose! Very nicely done, you looked just like your Mamae out there and I'm very proud." Alistair stood again and reached for Rose's hand. "Can we go for a walk and talk for a little while?  
There's something I need to tell you."

Rose quickly nodded and took her father's hand. As they began to walk away Alistair noticed the daggers still sticking out of her belt. He stopped and pulled them from the girl's waist all the while keeping a smile on his face.

Rose shot him a confused look as he handed them to Nathaniel. "What are you doing?"

"Oh, I'm just giving them to Nathaniel to hold onto while we take our walk…for safe keeping."

Then as Rose began to drag her father away he muttered back to Nathaniel…"Of course by safe keeping I mean keeping _me_ safe."

Rose quirked her eyebrow at her father, "What did you say?"

"Nothing Rose…nothing at all." Alistair motioned her forward with his hand. "Lead on…"

Nathaniel remained propped against the hay bale laughing loudly as he watched the pair disappear around the house.

"Nathaniel, is there something about Alistair's posterior that you find particularily amusing?" Zevran chuckled as he approached Nathaniel.

Nate continued to laugh as he shook his head. "I really shouldn't be laughing; bebinn is going to eat that man alive." Nate turned to Zevran and though it was dark he noticed a white bandage wrapped around the elf's hand. "What on earth happened to you?"

Zev looked down at the white cloth wrapping his hand. "Sometimes you cannot completely lose your grip on something, unless you bleed a little."

"What?" Nathaniel looked at his companion with confusion.

Zevran merely gave Nate a slight smile, before patting him on the shoulder and walking back toward the house.


	18. Her Mother's Daughter

_**Bioware owns all!**_

_I must first and foremost offer my deepest apologies for my lack of updates on this and all of my stories. I won't bore you all with details or excuses just suffice it to say that real life can be a real biotch at times._

_Thanks so much to my betas __**Erynnar **(extra special thanks to her for the Morrigan dialog.)**, Ladyamesindy **(big hugs for the help with the chapter title)**, **__and __**Piceron **__without whom I don't know what I would do…they are my rocks and I love them all dearly. Please check out their stories, they are all great authors in their own right._

_Big hugs and thanks also to my reviewers __**Ladyamesindy, Liso66, Erynnar, bonesfan4evar4, Piceron, StellaSmooth, BubblesScream-jahm4 **__and __**Hikari86 . **__I hope that I have not managed to lose any of my readers due to my lack of updates, you all mean the world to me!_

_Please read and review if you get the chance, I hope that you enjoy!_

_**~Love One Another~**_

* * *

"What do you mean you are leaving?" Rose furrowed her brow in a mixture of anger and confusion at her father who was pacing the room nervously. She stood from the armchair where she had been sitting and approached him, crossing her arms in front of her chest. "You told me you would stay…you promised me that you would never leave again."

"Rose, I promise you this is only for a little while…"Alistair reached out for his daughter in an attempt to calm her but his hands were forcefully pushed away.

"You promised that you wouldn't leave…now you promise that you will come back?" Angry tears welled up in Rose's eyes. "How can I trust anything that you say when all you have ever done is lie to me?"

Alistair was unsure of what to say, habitually his hand traveled up to the amulet hanging from his neck by a piece of leather. He pulled the amulet over his head and held it out in front of his daughter. "Here, take this. It was my mother's, you see and I never part with it." Alistair knelt down as he took the child's hand in his and placed the amulet within, closing her fingers over top of it. "I want you to keep it as an assurance that I will be back to retrieve it…I want you to keep it safe."

"I don't want your amulet or your promises…just leave."

Rose shoved the amulet into her father's chest but as she turned to leave he grabbed her by the arm, spinning her around to look into his eyes. "Rose, I promise you…I will come back. I just need to get my life together before I can be much of a father to you, I'm doing this for you, you have to believe me."

"I don't have to do anything you say, least of all believe you! Why don't you just go back to wherever you came from and forget that you ever found me."

"I won't do that Rose, I love you and I want to be here for you."

Rose glared into her father's brown eyes, trying in vain to hold back the tears that were threatening to pour down her cheeks. "Well I don't love you and I don't need you here for me…I hate you!"

"I know that you don't mean that…"

Alistair once again tried to reach for his daughter but when his hand brushed her arm she turned and pushed him harshly to the floor as she screamed. "I said I hate you! Leave me alone!"

Alistair felt as though his heart shattered into a million pieces as those words came from her mouth; a reminder of the same words that spilled from his own mouth so many years ago as Ruthi tried to reason with him when he boarded the boat for Rivain. He figured that this was the Maker's way of punishing him for what he did to her. Slowly, he picked himself up from the floor and made his way out of the room; determined to find Rose and to try and make her understand.

When he entered the sitting room he was greeted by a crowd of concerned but seemingly confused faces staring back at him. Upon seeing the broken hearted expression painted across his face, Leliana stepped forward and placed a comforting hand on Alistair's shoulder. "Alistair, what happened?"

"She got angry and said that I lied to her…that everything I've ever said to her was a lie. I tried giving her my mother's amulet, to assure her that I would be back but she wouldn't take it. She told me that she hated me and wished for me to go back where I came from."

Zevran then stepped forward as confusion was replaced with shock. "Let me speak with her, she should not have said such things…"

Alistair shook his head. "No Zev, she has a right to feel the way that she feels. It's fine. I think I will just head back to The Pearl for the night, I am suddenly very sleepy."

"Alistair, stay here for the night…please? I would not feel right sending you back there when there is plenty of room here." Leliana smiled sweetly, trying to offer a bit of comfort to the heartbroken man.

"Are you sure? I don't want to be a burden."

Leliana nodded. "I insist."

Relief washed over Alistair upon hearing her words because in his current state of minds he was afraid that the temptation to find comfort in a bottle of ale would be too great to resist and he did not want to fall back into that cycle of comfort again. He gave Leliana a grateful smile and nodded. "I will just go back and get my things."

Anders stepped forward, much to his wife's dismay and approached Alistair as he headed for the door. "I'll come along, seems you could use a friend."

Alistair smiled at the mage and nodded once more. "Thank you, Anders that would be great."

Morrigan folded her arms and grumbled as she turned and made her way toward the stairs, but before going up she turned once more to face her husband. "'Tis best you mind yourself when visiting the Pearl _my_ husband. I would not wish anything ill to befall you when you return, no?" Morrigan's hand glowed with blue flame.

"I will be good…I promise." Anders smirked as he blew his wife a kiss as she turned and walked up the stairs.

Once Anders and Alistair left Zevran let out a long sigh. "It seems that my sweet Rose is in need of a talk, I suppose I shall seek her out."

Leliana smiled at her friend. "Would you like me to go with you and try to reason with her?"

Zevran returned the smile but shook his head. "No, not just yet mi querida; I will see if I can get through to her and call for reinforcements if needed, yes?"

"Well should you change your mind, I will be here."

Zevran made his way out the side door to the apple tree where Rose usually hid when she was upset and as expected he noticed her perched among the highest branches; swinging her legs and looking at the stars. Zevran leaned his back against the tree as he calmly called up to the girl. "Rose, Mi bendición can you come down for a moment?"

"No…I want to stay up here."

"Rose, I just want to talk to you and I will not play foolish games. Come down here."

Rose could hear a stern tone to her Uncle Zev's voice that she was not used to hearing, still she did not want to completely give in so she instead climbed down the tree to the lower branches and sat down.

"That is better I suppose, at least I can look into those beautiful eyes now." Zevran winked at the girl who was once again swinging her legs to and fro. "Now, what happened between you and your father that has you in such a state?"

"He's not my father."

"Ah but my dear, I can assure you that he is. All of the denial in the world will not change this fact."

"I wish he wasn't my father. He lied to me. He told me that he wouldn't leave and then turned around and changed his mind. I wish I could go back to thinking that my father was dead…I wish that he _was_ dead."

"Rose Adaia Tabris Arainai, que no voy a decir tales cosas odiosas. Yo no te plantear a ser tan irrespetuosos!" _**(Rose Adaia Tabris-Arainai, you will not say such hateful things. **__**I did not raise you to be so disrespectful!**__**)**_

Rose felt chills crawl down her back. It was rare that her Uncle Zev ever raised his voice to her, rarer still for him to do it in Antivan and adding in the fact that he used her full name she knew that he would no longer tolerate any nonsense. Quickly she bit her lip and swallowed back the harsh words that were at the ready to spill forth from her mouth.

Rose let out an exasperated sigh. "Okay I don't wish he was dead…but I wish he hadn't come back."

"Rose, mi querida…did you even give him the opportunity to explain why he needed to leave?"

"No, and I do not care to. He says he wants to be a good father but how is running away being a good father?"

"My dear, I can tell that you are in no state of mind to actually listen to what I have to say; you are going to hear what you want to hear and nothing else. When you decide to come down and speak civilly and actually listen to reason I will be in the house. Do not take too long however as it has been a long day and I wish to go home and rest, si?" Rose remained silent but nodded her head in agreement as Zev turned and made his way into the house.

As Zevran walked away he let his frustration out in a stream of words muttered under his breath. _Maldita sea esa chica, tan terco y el cerdo con la cabeza. Te juro que es como su madre, no podía ver la verdad si se mordió en la nariz condenados si no quieres. __**(Damn that girl, so stubborn and pig headed. **__**I swear she is just like her mother, couldn't see the truth if it bit her on the damned nose if she didn't want to.**__**)**_

"I take it that the father-daughter conversation did not go so well?" Nathaniel's voice called out from behind Zevran as he reached for the handle of the door. "I don't speak a scrap of Antivan and I can tell that those words mean trouble."

"She is her mother's daughter…I will give her that." Zevran let out a light chuckle under his breath.

"If you don't mind, perhaps I could try to talk to her?"

Zevran gave Nate an appraising look and patted him on the shoulder. "It cannot hurt, no? If there is anyone that she will listen to, chances are it would be you."

Nate gave Zevran a friendly smile and began walking toward the tree where Rose was once again perched within the top branches. Rather than call her down, Nate jumped and scrambled up the tree to the branch diagonally below where she was sitting. "So bebinn, what has caused such sadness to stain that pretty smile of yours?"

Rose looked away from Nathaniel and silently shrugged her shoulders as she worked to hold back her tears.

"Your Uncle Zev tells me that you had a fight with your father…what happened?"

"No, I got in a fight with _Al_ because _Al_ is a liar." Rose could once again feel her anger beginning to bite away at her. "My father was an honorable man, an honorable man who died during the Blight. My father would have kept his promises, as for Al, I hope that I never see him again…ever."

"Don't you think you are being a little too hard on him bebinn? I don't think that he is trying to betray you or hurt you." Nate carefully stood on the branch where he was sitting so that he could look into Rose's eyes. "Your father has done a lot of things that he is not proud of and became the type of person that most parents would not want their child to be around. He only wants to be the best father for you that he can be, he wants to clean up and get his life in order so that he can become someone that you can be proud of. Truly bebinn you are lucky to have a father that will do what is best for you no matter how much it will break his heart to be away."

Nate motioned toward the ground, inviting Rose to climb down. Carefully he helped her down from the tree, lifting her from the lower branches once he was on the ground. He then took her hand in his and led her to the garden where they sat in silence for a while; allowing Nate's words to resonate within Rose's mind.

Rose then took a deep breath and looked to her lap as she spoke. "But why would he say that he would never leave me and then turn around and tell me that he is leaving? He lied, people are not supposed to lie."

"Bebinn, just because someone isn't here physically…it doesn't always mean that they are gone. Do you know why?"

Rose shyly looked up at Nate as she shook her head.

Nate tilted her chin up and then lightly tapped her chest over her heart. "Because now, he is right here, and no matter how far he may travel he won't ever leave your heart nor will you leave his. He is there forever bebinn."

Nate noted a thoughtful look that seemed to dawn upon Rose's face and he knew that to some degree he was managing to get through to her; he continued… "On the same side of the coin…just because someone is here physically it doesn't always mean that they are here with all their heart."

"What do you mean?"

"My father was around all of my life and yet I don't think that he held even an eighth of the love within his heart for me that your father does for you after knowing you for only a couple of days." Nate took a deep breath, the memory of his father still a painful subject. "My father was a cruel man who did a lot of horrible things to good people. He was cruel to me as well as to my sister and brother. He treated us terribly until he finally drove us all away and then he began hurting other people. In fact your mother and father worked very hard to stop him doing these things. So I say to you once again bebinn…you're lucky."

"But what kind of things did your father do?"

"Just….bad things bebinn…you are too young to know much else but I promise I will tell you when you're older." Nathaniel wrapped an arm around the girl's shoulders and gave her a hug. "Do you understand things a bit more clearly…are you feeling better?"

"Yes, I think so."

"Then I think that you should go and talk to your father. He is hurting bebinn, in the matter of just a few days he is seeing just how much he has lost and missed out on and he only wants to try to fix what he can." Nate tilted Rose's face so he could look directly into her green eyes. "He's a good man Rose, just give him a chance."

"I will." Rose whispered as she felt a warm tear roll down her face.

Nate gently placed a kiss on Rose's forehead and took her hand, leading her back toward the house. They entered the sitting room to find Leliana, Soris, Zevran and Anders chatting quietly as Alistair sat alone in the corner, seemingly deep in thought as he gently ran his finger over his mother's amulet which he held in his hand.

Alistair looked up upon hearing Nate gently clearing his throat. "Alistair, I think someone wants to speak with you."

Alistair smiled as he stood from his chair and walked toward his daughter. Rose stepped forward but continued to look at the ground. Alistair placed a gentle hand on her back and led her back toward Soris' study.

Upon entering the room Alistair quietly closed the door as Rose sat down in the armchair in the corner where Soris would sit to read. Alistair grabbed a nearby chair and pulled it in front of her so that they could speak eye to eye.

"Rose, I know that I have never given you any reason to believe me, in fact I know that you barely know me but darling I really want to do this right. I don't want you to see me at my worst…I am ashamed that you have seen me like this. After all that I have done wrong, I want to do something right." Alistair took his daughter's hands in his own and squeezed them lovingly. "I promise you Rose I will not stay away long and if you want me to I will write you every day that I am gone…or even twice a day if that is what you need for me to do to put your mind at ease. I love you Rose and I would do anything for you."

Alistair let go of Rose's hands and once again removed the amulet from around his neck and placed it over her head. "This was my mother's amulet; it is the only thing that I have of hers in fact. A long, long time ago I thought that I lost it but your mother found it and returned it to me and I have kept it with me ever since.  
Until you came along this was my most treasured possession; now I want you to hold on to it for me and I will know that the two dearest things in the world to me are waiting together here in Denerim and that will be all the inspiration that I will need to pull my life together…so that I can get back here as fast as I can. Will you keep it safe for me Rose?"

Rose could no longer hold back her emotions as she fell into her father's arms sobbing. "I will…I promise."

Alistair lovingly stroked his daughter's hair as he softly whispered into her ear, "Shh..it's alright Rose. I'm here now, and I swear I would do anything for you."

"I…I'm sorry for the things that I said earlier. I was just so angry…"

"It's alright Rose, I understand why you felt that way and I'm not mad at you. I'm just glad that we had this chance to talk." Alistair tilted Rose's face up and smiled at her. "You know, I don't have to leave immediately; what do you say we have a father-daughter day together, just you and me. We can do anything you want and it will give us a chance to talk and get to know each other better."

Rose's face lit up. "Can we bring Emaba?"

"Sure...Emaba can come. Do you know what you want to do?"

"Can we go fishing? I've always wanted to go fishing!"

Alistair forced a smile onto his face. "Sure…fishing…great, I love fishing. It's a date." Alistair gave his daughter a tight hug and kissed her on the cheek before she skipped out of the room to tell everyone about their plans.

Alistair remained for a moment and pinched the bridge of his nose as he thought to himself. _Of course, she had to pick fishing…this ought to be interesting seeing as the only time I've ever gone I fell in the lake and nearly drown. _Alistair drew in a deep breath. _I guess I did say anything, thank the Maker that I've learned how to swim since then…_

And with one more deep breath Alistair stood from his chair and headed for the guest room where he would be sleeping; he figured he was going to need the rest.


	19. Lanaidan

_**A/N: Bioware owns all, I'm just borrowing.**_

_Hello, I hope you all had a wonderful weekend! I hope you enjoyed the last chapter and also that you will enjoy this one! I couldn't do it without my lovely betas __**Erynnar **__(Thanks for letting me use the name of the brothel "The Golden Fan")__**, Ladyamesindy, Blightsworn, and Piceron. **__Each of these ladies are phenomenal authors in their own right and I highly recommend checking out some of their stories!_

_Big thanks go out to my readers and extra special hugs to my reviewers: __**LadyElle00, BonesFan4evar4, Ladyamesindy, Erynnar, Hikari86, and Piceron.**_

_**~Love One Another~**_

_**

* * *

**_

The moon was set high in the sky when Zevran began his long trek from Leliana's house to his apartment within Denerim's alienage. Leliana offered for him to stay another night and as tempting as her offer was he refused. After such a long, emotionally draining day Zevran longed for the comfort of his own bed in his quiet little apartment. The journey was made slightly easier by the fact that Rose decided to stay at Leliana's house so that she and Alistair could get an early start to their day the next morning.

Zevran spent the long walk in quiet reflection, staring down at the face of his sleeping son. Leliana's words from earlier in the day seemed to resonate within his mind. While he knew Nelaros was his son and claimed him as such Zevran realized that before tonight he never really _felt_ it…Nelaros was Ruthi's, just as Rose was and he was merely their guardian.

Zevran could feel his heart warm as he looked down upon the sleeping child and for the first time he was able to really appreciate how much of himself reflected back at him. While Rose unmistakably looked like her mother, Nelaros was like a miniature version of his father; the same slight build, tan skin and white blonde hair, his nose, his chin, even his eyes were a mirror image of Zevran's. He imagined that this is what he looked like when he was a small child, when the world was still beautiful and held so much promise; when he was still innocent, before the Crows got their claws into him. Zevran swore at that moment that he would see all of Thedas sink into the sea before he would ever allow Nelaros or Rose to experience even a fraction of the abuse that he endured as a child.

Once home Zevran laid Nelaros down in his cot, gently rubbing his back as he started to stir from the movement. Once he was sure that the child had drifted back to sleep he made his way to his own bed and after changing into his night shirt crawled between the cold sheets and drifted quickly to sleep.

* * *

_Zevran awoke to the sensation of fingertips gently running along his hairline, he struggled to shake the sleep from his head as he sat up. __He was expecting to arrive back in Ruthi's camp but was shocked to find that the fingers that were brushing over his face did not belong to Ruthi or even Rinn__a, but to a woman whom he had never seen before but who looked hauntingly familiar. __She was an elf, very slender and though her features expressed a life filled with hard work she was quite beautiful. __She had long soft blonde curls, and ice blue eyes. _

_As she continued to run her fingers along Zevran's face from his forehead down over his cheek and jaw, he noticed that she was repeatedly whispering something and after straining to hear he made out that she was simply saying "I'm sorry Lainadan, I'm so sorry."_

_"I am terribly sorry my good woman but I believe you have mistaken me for someone else. __My name is not Lainadan, it is Zevran." __Zevran gently pulled the woman's hand from his face and gave her a kind grin._

_The woman quickly pulled her hand back and gave Zevran a slight smile. __"I'm…I'm sorry. __I suppose that I should introduce myself, my name is Santiel…Santiel Arainai."_

_Zevran's body grew ice cold as a lump caught in his throat. __Left speechless he stared at the woman in disbelief._

_"And the reason that I was calling you Lainadan is because that was to be your name…you see, I am your mother."_

_Zevran remained silent as he continued to stare at the woman. __He had no idea what to think of the news and even if he could think of the words he did not __know that the lump in his throat would allow for him to speak. __He chose instead to listen._

_"Oh darling, I wanted so much more for you. __I never wanted your life to be filled with so much pain."_

_"I was a child of a whore house; did you expect it to be filled with sunshine and happy days?" Zevran asked plainly._

_A pained expression marred the woman's face and Zevran found himself wishing that he had chosen his words a little more carefully. __"I'm sorry, I did not intend to hurt your feelings but honestly i__f you are truly my mother, what kind of life did you expect me to have? __I was a bastard, born to a whore, in a whore house..."_

_"First, you are not a bastard; your father and I wanted a child more than anything and we tried for so long. __Then, your father__ became ill and we figured that our dream of having a child was over. __The disease claimed him quickly…he was dead within a week and the day that we buried him was the day that I found out I was with child."_

_"My father…what was his name?"_

_Santiel smiled. __"Your father's name was Beinion and he was the most kind, good-hearted man I have ever met. __When he died I thought that my life was over, but then I found out about you and I knew that you were his way of staying with me. __I knew that times would be tou__gh without him and I worked any job that I could find in order to make a home for us but laundering clothes and shining armor just wasn't enough. __Then one day a woman who worked with me delivering laundry told me about what she did in the evenings, workin__g in a brothel called "The Golden Fan". __At first I was repulsed, I could not imagine selling my body for any amount of coin; but after some careful thought I realized that it may not have been ideal but if it gave me enough money to get us out of Antiva, __that for you, I could bear it. __So for the remainder of my pregnancy every copper that I 'earned' was put away so that as soon as you were born and able to travel we would leave Antiva and that life behind forever."_

_"So, then what happened?" __Zevran found__ himself captivated like a child listening to a fairy story as so many questions that he had asked himself for so long were finally being answered; the pieces of the puzzle at last falling into place._

_"So, I saved and I prepared for your arrival. By the time you were born I had managed to save sixty gold and began to make preparations to get out of Antiva; booking passage into Ferelden where I arranged to work as a wash woman in Highever Castle. __I was so excited and counted down the days until you would a__rrive. __As I said I picked a name for you, Lainadan which in Dalish means 'Free Man' ; because that is what you were going to be...you were going to be free. __I kept quiet about the money and my plans to everyone except a woman named Hessiene who had becom__e my dearest friend in the months following your father's death...and the trust that I placed in that woman was the biggest mistake I ever made." __Santiel's voice began to tremble as Zevran watched tears beginning to form in her eyes._

_"I assume that she betrayed you, si?"_

_"Simple betrayal would have been one thing, but what she did was far, far worse...she murdered me."_

_Zevran's blood instantly seemed to begin to boil within his veins, catching even him by surprise. __"Murdered? __But I was told that you d__ied as I was being born. __Are you telling me that it was all a lie? __What happened to the money that you saved?"_

_"I cannot say that you were necessarily lied to; everyone thought that I died giving birth to you. __The truth is, Hessiene poisoned me. __She s__lipped a poison called 'Silent Death' in my tea on the morning of your birth. __The poison made me extremely ill and caused my labor to begin and in the chaos she took the money and left. __By the time you made your entrance into this world I was hanging on __by a thin thread. __I heard your first cries and was able to look into your eyes only once before drawing my final breath, but in your eyes I saw your father and all of our dreams...I died happy."_

_Zevran took his mother's hands in his and raised them to his lips as a torrent of hurt, anger, and sadness fell in wet droplets upon her slender fingers. __Santiel leaned in and kissed her son on the forehead before resting her own upon his. __They sat this way for a while, each afraid to move or even make a noise; __fearful that it would all fade away. __Finally the urge to speak got the best of Zevran as he looked to his mother with reddened eyes._

_"Why have you waited this long to speak to me? __There are so many times when I needed you...I have been so alone my entir__e life. __Why now?"_

_Santiel squeezed her sons hands tightly. __"Lainadan...I mean...Zevran, I did come to you quite frequently when you were young but after you were taken by the Crows it became harder and harder to reach you; it was like there was a clear __stone wall surrounding you. __I could see what was happening to you...what those monsters were doing to you. __I could hear you; your cries, your screams, and your anguish but no matter how I tried I could not get to you. __And then as you began to change and__ your heart hardened: your voice began to fade, the wall darkening more and more until you were gone." __Santiel wiped a stray tear from Zevran's cheek as she continued. __"Then, about nine years ago suddenly I began hearing whispers and the wall slowly bega__n to fade. But it wasn't until today, when you finally let go of the past that the wall vanished and my path became clear."_

_"I swear to you Mother, I will visit vengeance upon this Hessiene. __I will work until the day that I die to see that you are avenge__d."_

_"No darling...let it go." __Santiel cupped Zevran's cheek in her hand and looked deep into his eyes._

_"But she killed you...she took you from me and ruined my life."_

_"And killing her would accomplish nothing. __When all is said and done, will it bring __me back? __Will it change the childhood that you had? __It will send you back down a road that you worked so hard to abandon and that is all. __Zevran I must tell you, the poison that was given to me...it should have killed you; but it didn't. __Do you know wh__y?"_

_"No." __Zevran looked to the ground and shook his head, his voice echoing whispered sadness._

_Santiel placed a finger under her son's chin and tilted his face up to meet hers. __"Because you are a born survivor. __Darling, you were meant to do great things, you were meant to overcome, and while I would have never chosen the life that you were given I__ must say that it made you the person you are today. Every obstacle, every hardship you overcame made you that much stronger."_

_Zevran looked into his mother's eyes and smiled because for the first time in his whole life, he finally felt whole...he finally knew just who he was. __He wrapped his arms around his mother's slender shoulders; memorizing her touch, her voice, her smell until the familiar sensation of awakening began coursing through his body. __Zevran pulled his mother in tighter and tighter in a v__ain attempt to remain with her but to no avail; she faded more and more until she was but a ghostly whisper within his arms; and in the last whithering seconds of slumber she whispered into his ear. __"I love you, my son; and I am so proud of the man you ha__ve become. __I love you Lainadan...__"_


End file.
